Friday update

Today was like I was a basket ball dropped from a very tall damn. Started off briefly on a high then dropped to the bottom, bounced back up again, to the bottom, back up and so on eventually settling into a quiet calm.

Some parts of today have been absolute hell, others, very emotional and uplifting.

I only exchanged a few words with Dennis, he has a bad head and needed his bed, I wish I’d been there to sooth him though, if it was anything like the headaches I get, he’s have politely told me to go elsewhere!

Caroline did an absolutely awesome job with a great massage and reiki but more so with her understanding and friendship.

Robin gave me the left overs of his dinner which I had all on it’s on for my supper and it was gorgeous.

House peaceful though, I don’t much like empty. Watched an episode of Break Bad, not many to go now, 8 I think.

I went to the pharmacy earlier and picked up some sleeping tablets … to help me sleep.

This weekend I am taking a break from dealing with anything stressful, all light hearted stuff from now on .. until Monday which promises to be mega stressed but, that’s Monday!

Rock Bottom

The Care Manager for Zoey (social worker) decided Thursday morning that there was no reason to have a discussion about discharge as she had barely started her safeguarding investigation.

Though they try to deny it, this is effectively ‘them’ saying that they believe ‘we’ did something to harm Zoey and that’s why she ended up in hospital.

This is one of the most horrible things I have ever had to experience. I am trying really hard but I cannot see any good in what they are doing, it’s vindictive, it’s nasty and it is plain wrong!

Each day they seem to twist the knife in me more. I am fighting for what I know is right for my daughter and I am being made to feel like some sort of sordid criminal.

This should be one of the happiest most positive times of my life yet I feel so horribly low. No organisation or individual should have the power to do this to others, it is one of the worst cases of abuse of authority and it’s happening to us.

Just about the worst part is, none of them are telling Zoey they won’t let her go home, she genuinely thinks they’re going to let her come home soon. We all here feel that she should be home soon but, I am now convinced it is unlikely she will be home this year. I just keep seeing her optimistic face as we discussed her coming home the other day, she was so excited and looking forward to it. I am sickened that I am going to have to be the bad guy and tell her it isn’t going to happen and I have no idea when it might, if ever. I have totally failed my daughter. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t understand parenting at all.