4 Hours out of my life and what a waste of time. OK, not entirely a waste of time but any gains were coincidental.

I was invited to go along to a meeting at 3pm, the meeting started at 3:50!

The section 2 expires for Zoey at midnight on Tuesday so you’d think the professionals would be in a mad panic to work out what is happening next but, no, not one of them came to the meeting today with any clue what is going to happen next week.

How is this for logic:

They cannot lawfully keep her there as of midnight Tuesday, that’s not possible because there is no section 2. They cannot issue a section 3 without having a game plan on what services to provide, they know this. The services she needs cannot be provided to an adequate level where she is, they know that too. They want her in a LD unit in Kettering except, that is unsuitable because it is all male at the moment and all have challenging behaviour incompatible with Zoey’s best care. Even so, the LD Psychiatrist today said that a bed might be free there in two weeks time! She said it like it was the solution they were looking for until I pointed out that it would be two weeks after they are required to provide somewhere AND, there would still be 3 unsuitable male patients there.

I mean, this isn’t rocket science, do intelligent people lose all common sense?

They kept going away to have their little secret meetings. The final of these was passed on to us by a third party as the two psychiatrists didn’t want to talk to me again. They’ve decided that Zoey needs a section 3 order but that they don’t have anywhere suitable …. at all! They’ve had nearly 4 weeks to come up with somewhere suitable yet now, with less than a week to go, they don’t got anything and having started to look out of county!

On the plus side, me and Anne met Mike, the advocate who has been appointed for Zoey today and we were able to share with him out concerns and he’s putting a safeguarding complaint in. He agreed that what they’re doing there is a form of abuse, most certainly neglect.

The experts still can’t seem to agree whether or not Zoey lacks capacity, not legally. They say that clearly she isn’t able to make judgements on her own care but they’re not sure this constitutes legal lack of capacity! In the meantime, whilst they ponder this, Zoey is getting medication for her UTI. On the subject of the UTI, the nurse in the ward says she’s only had it since yesterday! I had nurses with years of experience telling me they suspected an UTI when she was at Northampton General Hospital! For some reason, Berrywood Hospital have decided to overlook the query on the UTI which would have been in her notes and declare it’s all somewhat new so not desperately urgent. Apparently, UTI’s can have all sort of behavioural consequences too but, no matter, they’re still not sure they can force medication so we’ll let that go then!

I am very strongly considering adapting the house here to have her home again. I am running out of alternate options!

I become more convinced each time I explore the actions at the Berrywood Hospital that their actions are negligent to the point of abuse.

They are ignoring the plan they were given by the LD team making statements that no one tells them how to run their wards! That statement from someone who is not LD trained, on the day in question, neither was any other staff member LD trained.

Zoey is being left not monitored for over an hour at a time. Her bed is soiled but no one is changing it. She’s been diagnosed with a urine infection but because she is refusing antibiotics, this remains untreated, she is sectioned remember. Under a section 2 order someone can be medicated against their will except in extreme cases such as ECT. There is no reason on this planet why Zoey is not having her infection cured other than negligence.

When I asked the head nurse the other day whether they were being slow in offering treatment in the hope that Zoey would be moved elsewhere she replied that she believed it was not the best place for Zoey … now if that doesn’t answer the question with a resounding ‘yes’ I don’t know what does!

It’s clear she doesn’t neatly fit in with what they are used to and they want her gone.

It’s disgusting, it truly is.

Important meeting tomorrow to discuss these issues

Last night, being alone in my house, I thought I’d say some prayers out loud, I mean, normal conversation loud rather than those late at night whispers.

I’m not stupid, I just asked for life to go a little easier on me, allow something good to happen without the hell to over compensate for it.

Feeling pleased with myself that I felt comfortable praying out loud I sat down to watch TV and realised I couldn’t focus on it at all. Then I realised I actually could barely see the TV! So, first signs of a migraine, great! Managed to control that with medication.

Today, cooking dinner, couldn’t smell the wonder aroma of a Sunday Roast at all so went down to investigate, the oven wasn’t working!

Thankfully, we have a top over, a fraction of the size but it still works so, dinner is getting cooked now.

Am just wondering, I mean, I didn’t even ask for a sign that anyone was listening, I just trusted. Is the answer really that I am meant to always have to work so much harder than anyone else would, pay a far greater price for every pleasure than others seem to? Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate all the wonderful things in my life but, really, do I need all the stress as well?

Basically, I am confused how this all works.

At least for a while.

There is only so much I am able to take and whilst Zoey is somewhere she is being looked after, I don’t need to go there to be abused, I am taking a short break.

Quote from Zoey:

“fuck off and leave me alone you bastard” …

She said quite a bit before that but this was after I was explaining they were going to start making her get better there. Trying to let her know that we love her dearly and actually don’t have much say in anything any longer. All I could do was let her know she’s loved and I can’t do anything more to get involved in her care, it’s up to the professionals now.

If there is anything positive it is that they finally got to comprehend the level of comprehension and communication skills Zoey has. They can’t pretend she just doesn’t understand any longer.

I got the distinct impression I’ve been taken out of the loop. They don’t have to consult me so they won’t sort of thing. An advocate is being brought in now too, seems my opinions are not valid enough.

After screaming her insults to me, Zoey was quietly escorted to the arts and crafts room to do some fun activities. I cannot even start to say how that made me feel, how I still feel.