Well, that’s what it feels like having spent several hours today going over the household budget and the Social Services budget. One is looking good, the other, not so 
With all the changes in employees over the past year, different ways of doing things etc, I seem to have made a cock-up. Effectively, I have enough money for wages but nothing else. Actually, I may not have enough for wages either and that means, any shortfall comes from my own pocket. With the tax contribution I have to pay and the payroll fees, that could be a few hundred quid!
All my video’s are now completed, I am totally up to date. This means, I have nothing stopping me now concentrating my efforts onto the new website for the Carers … except lack of time of course!
Did a scary thing yesterday, I updated the ROM on my phone. That sounds simple enough, and, indeed, it is, just press a button which says all sorts of things like “if this screws up your phone is dead” or, “getting this wrong will mean your very expensive phone is worthless” … so, true, all it takes is a few clicks of a mouse, it also takes a fair degree of nerve as well. So far, the issues I was having do seem to have gone.

Well, that’s what it feels like having spent several hours today going over the household budget and the Social Services budget. One is looking good, the other, not so 
With all the changes in employees over the past year, different ways of doing things etc, I seem to have made a cock-up. Effectively, I have enough money for wages but nothing else. Actually, I may not have enough for wages either and that means, any shortfall comes from my own pocket. With the tax contribution I have to pay and the payroll fees, that could be a few hundred quid!
All my video’s are now completed, I am totally up to date. This means, I have nothing stopping me now concentrating my efforts onto the new website for the Carers … except lack of time of course!
Did a scary thing yesterday, I updated the ROM on my phone. That sounds simple enough, and, indeed, it is, just press a button which says all sorts of things like “if this screws up your phone is dead” or, “getting this wrong will mean your very expensive phone is worthless” … so, true, all it takes is a few clicks of a mouse, it also takes a fair degree of nerve as well. So far, the issues I was having do seem to have gone.

I don’t have diabetes, well, that’s what the test concluded so I am happy to go along with it. The meeting with the charity went well, I have their full support and am already working on the new incarnation of the website and the various components it will involve. Of course, if they don’t like it then it’ll be a load of wasted time and effort.

I would very much those around me to see that an important part of my life revolves around helping other people and, I have to do it my own way. When a person gets to a point in their life when they accept they may have more years behind them than they have in front, they maybe take stock and work out, if they don’t live life as they feel is right then it may not be one of those things which can be put off until later. Those that don’t want to accept I am my own person following my own path because I feel it is right will lose my respect. I know I may not always ‘be’ right but, I am not going to be laying on my death bed regretting the things I didn’t try. I must judge each situation I am faced with and make judgements as to which needs my time now and which can wait. I do not have a priority book of those who must always come first, sometimes non direct blood family will be before close blood family or, the other way around, it is all about need to me. I don’t want to have to add up the amount I spend on one to match another, I am more than the money I spend. I don’t want to have to feel guilt for doing more for one person over another and I don’t expect or deserve to be judged for it. When I naturally expire I want to be remembered for the difference I made to others not by whether my balance books were in order.

Should anyone think I do nothing then, perhaps what they really feel is …. he does not enough for me. If that is what you think then ask yourself whether you do enough for yourself before passing judgement on me. It seems that people who do hardly anything get no blame and yet, those who do loads get critical remarks for not doing enough.

If I do nothing then, there must be something terribly wrong with me because every moment of every day I feel mentally exhausted. I am fighting constant emotional battles not say the first thing which comes into my head and so, potentially upset someone of make matters worse. Maybe now would be a good time, with certain people, to start ‘saying it as it is’?

On another note, my car is still not getting the economy it should be, not good. I still have not managed to get to the hospital to get my new moulds. I also have tons of stuff to do, heavy stuff and could, in all honesty, do with the petty immaturity around me stopping.

I don’t have diabetes, well, that’s what the test concluded so I am happy to go along with it. The meeting with the charity went well, I have their full support and am already working on the new incarnation of the website and the various components it will involve. Of course, if they don’t like it then it’ll be a load of wasted time and effort.

I would very much those around me to see that an important part of my life revolves around helping other people and, I have to do it my own way. When a person gets to a point in their life when they accept they may have more years behind them than they have in front, they maybe take stock and work out, if they don’t live life as they feel is right then it may not be one of those things which can be put off until later. Those that don’t want to accept I am my own person following my own path because I feel it is right will lose my respect. I know I may not always ‘be’ right but, I am not going to be laying on my death bed regretting the things I didn’t try. I must judge each situation I am faced with and make judgements as to which needs my time now and which can wait. I do not have a priority book of those who must always come first, sometimes non direct blood family will be before close blood family or, the other way around, it is all about need to me. I don’t want to have to add up the amount I spend on one to match another, I am more than the money I spend. I don’t want to have to feel guilt for doing more for one person over another and I don’t expect or deserve to be judged for it. When I naturally expire I want to be remembered for the difference I made to others not by whether my balance books were in order.

Should anyone think I do nothing then, perhaps what they really feel is …. he does not enough for me. If that is what you think then ask yourself whether you do enough for yourself before passing judgement on me. It seems that people who do hardly anything get no blame and yet, those who do loads get critical remarks for not doing enough.

If I do nothing then, there must be something terribly wrong with me because every moment of every day I feel mentally exhausted. I am fighting constant emotional battles not say the first thing which comes into my head and so, potentially upset someone of make matters worse. Maybe now would be a good time, with certain people, to start ‘saying it as it is’?

On another note, my car is still not getting the economy it should be, not good. I still have not managed to get to the hospital to get my new moulds. I also have tons of stuff to do, heavy stuff and could, in all honesty, do with the petty immaturity around me stopping.