Yes, good question, why didn’t I think of that? Oh, I did, silly me.

The trouble with this blog is that I tend to only write stuff that is bothering me or that had some sort of emotional impact on me so what ends up here can make it seem like I am a miserable old git hopelessly seeking thing I can’t get and chronically depressed.

As it happens, that isn’t the case and partly because of this blog.

As I wrote yesterday, if I write something down it does something to my thought processes and either I stop worrying about it or I just somehow feel better able to deal with it, it wouldn’t work if I didn’t know someone was reading though, that would be pointless and I just as well write notepad files!

On the whole I am quite happy with my life. I have a lot of good memories and a lot to look forward to. I am quite sensible, I know shit happens so there is no point dwelling on that too much, deal with it and get on with the good stuff.

Compared to some I am very lucky. I have loads of friends, some care a lot for me, some love me and I feel the same about them. I have the kids and, unless things go horribly wrong, I always shall have. My cats are lovely, couldn’t ask for better fur balls than them. This is a lovely house, it needs decorating but it’s lovely. My car is quite cool. Not as flashy as the last one, lacking in gadgets but it was as good as I could afford. I have had some amazing holidays and I plan to have more amazing holidays with amazing people.

On the whole dear you, I am fine, smiling as I write this and hoping you are too.

News of the day … car cleared the MOT no problem but I put some new tyres on anyway as the old ones were near illegal and slipping, worth the £290 I thought.

I am annoyed about Robin’s insurance company. They say they can’t get an assessor to him before Tuesday and he can’t have a loan car until then. That’s just total crap, he should get the loan car from the day he reported his car as off the road the fiddling sods.

Yes, good question, why didn’t I think of that? Oh, I did, silly me.

The trouble with this blog is that I tend to only write stuff that is bothering me or that had some sort of emotional impact on me so what ends up here can make it seem like I am a miserable old git hopelessly seeking thing I can’t get and chronically depressed.

As it happens, that isn’t the case and partly because of this blog.

As I wrote yesterday, if I write something down it does something to my thought processes and either I stop worrying about it or I just somehow feel better able to deal with it, it wouldn’t work if I didn’t know someone was reading though, that would be pointless and I just as well write notepad files!

On the whole I am quite happy with my life. I have a lot of good memories and a lot to look forward to. I am quite sensible, I know shit happens so there is no point dwelling on that too much, deal with it and get on with the good stuff.

Compared to some I am very lucky. I have loads of friends, some care a lot for me, some love me and I feel the same about them. I have the kids and, unless things go horribly wrong, I always shall have. My cats are lovely, couldn’t ask for better fur balls than them. This is a lovely house, it needs decorating but it’s lovely. My car is quite cool. Not as flashy as the last one, lacking in gadgets but it was as good as I could afford. I have had some amazing holidays and I plan to have more amazing holidays with amazing people.

On the whole dear you, I am fine, smiling as I write this and hoping you are too.

News of the day … car cleared the MOT no problem but I put some new tyres on anyway as the old ones were near illegal and slipping, worth the £290 I thought.

I am annoyed about Robin’s insurance company. They say they can’t get an assessor to him before Tuesday and he can’t have a loan car until then. That’s just total crap, he should get the loan car from the day he reported his car as off the road the fiddling sods.

It’s been troubling me for some time … why it is that it is always assumed that being gay is just about sex?

I love being with men but sex isn’t what does it for me. I just feel more comfortable around men. I like hugs and kisses and being tender with a man. I mean, sex can be great but why do guys automatically assume that it has to end in sex?

This pain thing I currently have has got me thinking about it more because I am also thinking what maybe I can’t do as easily as I would like, more accurately, what I may like to do to someone else. It bothers me that I could be less of a person because I can’t perform as well as I would be happy performing. What upsets me more though is that I may not be able to give pleasure to someone I really care about, yes, you know and the rest can guess. So, if that doesn’t happen, well, it’s OK by me it doesn’t have to. If it does and it somehow turns out to be wonderful, then, well, enough said.

Why write it here?

Because I need to say it out loud or I will burst. Once I write something down it is out of my system, the pressure is lifted, that’s why. But, if anyone would rather not be mentioned, I can understand that too, just ask and if I can avoid it, I shall but try to remember, it’s my pressure release, don’t ask unless it’s really important.

It’s been troubling me for some time … why it is that it is always assumed that being gay is just about sex?

I love being with men but sex isn’t what does it for me. I just feel more comfortable around men. I like hugs and kisses and being tender with a man. I mean, sex can be great but why do guys automatically assume that it has to end in sex?

This pain thing I currently have has got me thinking about it more because I am also thinking what maybe I can’t do as easily as I would like, more accurately, what I may like to do to someone else. It bothers me that I could be less of a person because I can’t perform as well as I would be happy performing. What upsets me more though is that I may not be able to give pleasure to someone I really care about, yes, you know and the rest can guess. So, if that doesn’t happen, well, it’s OK by me it doesn’t have to. If it does and it somehow turns out to be wonderful, then, well, enough said.

Why write it here?

Because I need to say it out loud or I will burst. Once I write something down it is out of my system, the pressure is lifted, that’s why. But, if anyone would rather not be mentioned, I can understand that too, just ask and if I can avoid it, I shall but try to remember, it’s my pressure release, don’t ask unless it’s really important.