I have heard these words a few times now. Somehow things do seem to be dropping into place at work. It is just making sense and isn’t so scary.
What a shame it’s so far away and so badly paid.
Could Do Better
Every school report I ever had said this, every damn report from every damn teacher. It gave me an expectation of doing better whilst also a sense of absolute utter failure that I never achieved more. ‘Could Do Better’ has followed me around my entire life. I have not excelled at anything that I can think of. Not something that one could call a ‘win’. I have no certificates which say I got somewhere, no trophy, no medal.
Whatever I try I feel like I ‘Could Do Better’. I was always told, ‘It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part’ … it’s an easy statement to make from the point of view of the winner. Taking part knowing that in the bottom few, if not the bottom, is not rewarding. The only thing the loser achieves is that they, by taking part, have saved someone else from being the loser.
This is my only real achievement in life, I help others. I am sure it is appreciated and has been, quite likely will be but, knowing I might have done … well, it’s like a deaf blind person knowing they might have one the race, if we don’t know it, if we don’t get the feeling of winning then, we really didn’t win at all.
‘Could Do Better’
The National Lottery … people like me win … £low
Each time I actually came into money I either needed to repay debt so, didn’t get any satisfaction other than knowing the bank was happy or, someone close to me died, that’s not satisfaction either.
Every job ‘Could Do Better’ …
I am 54 years old, I am wiping the shit off someone else’s arse for the same amount as a school leaver would get paid. Sure, I am making their last few days, weeks, months or years as good as I personally can but … I get a glimpse now and then of where this will ultimately get me. So apparently able am I that, well, I am not perceived as needing looking after, people don’t actually, very often, put themselves out for me, not even when I ask. I know for an absolute fact Karma does not exist.
It’s not for reward I do good things for others but, at the same time, it has to mean something right? Is it right that someone just exists to do good for others and that’s it?
As so few seem to put themselves out to acknowledge what I have been to them, it brings me to the conclusion that I ‘Could Do Better’ but just like that little kid so many years ago, there is nothing left in me to do better, I am already doing ‘my’ best and, reality is, most of the time I feel like shit. Absolutely dead tired ‘all’ of the time and I hurt physically. Every day I feel I ‘Could Do Better’ but honestly, I don’t know how or whether I have the energy or, likely, the inclination any more.
I am not asking for anything here, writing because I feel, I am not the only one, this same pattern happened or is happening to others and, just knowing we’re not alone somehow helps.
Bucket List
There are places around the world I still want to do. Some I have done before, and want to do again, others are part of a set so, I really have to do them all. Case in point, every Disney theme park on the planet! I currently tally 4 so, two left and both in Asia. Asia gets three parks, Europe just the one and the US gets 2. I personally find that quite peculiar!
The Grand Canyon from the top. I have done the helicopter trip which lands down below so, obviously, I’ve seen it from the top but, I just want to stand there and look down.
Palawan, Philippines, it just looks so amazing.
Washington DC. It is just so iconic. Of course, I’d rather the orange peril wasn’t the sitting tenant of the White House. There is so much to see in the city.
Further on the list would be a return to Venice, so unique. I really feel I am missing out by not seeing Greece, Athens and all that. Los Angeles again because there was so much I didn’t have time for (and a lot I want to do again). Australia but, only to see family there. Tokyo but then, they have a Disney so that one is inevitable! Two I have not done (and should have) are Scotland and Ireland … shame on me.
There is nothing else there as far as I am aware and, it’s not really near anywhere but … that bridge that George Bailey jumps off in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’. The film has been with me as one of my favourites my entire life, being there would be very special to me.
Apparently it’s in New York State so, perhaps it is dooable after all … and, not the only attraction in the NY area I want to see …
Niagra Falls has to be seen. We came close in 2012 but decided we just didn’t have the time, we should have made the time.
I guess far more of Asia needs to be explored too but I know so little about it. Dennis will have to help out there.
Northampton Town Centre
What happened?
When we first moved here in 1995 we loved the place, were proud to have friends and family visit but not any more.
Contributing to the demise is the continued under-investment from Legal & General in the Grosvenor Centre and ridiculous demands on tenants meaning we have lost some really good quality retailers from there. What kind of centre management loses House of Fraser? The Disney Store … cannot do a deal so that Ed’s Diner moves in? BHS went months ago, the building sits empty still a demonstration of what is typical for our town.
House of Fraser was replaced by Primark, we gained an upgrade on the store but we already had one in town. Ed’s Diner would have taken over from the Disney Store but Vision Express just moved along to do that. Two Seasons has moved to Rushden Lakes and who can blame them?
The council decided to open up Abington Street to traffic again, all it did was to totally kill off that end of town … unless someone is desperate for Sports Direct and Poundland. Other than that there are a couple of pawn shops. We have H&M but for how long? The store now looks out of place there.
At the entrance to the Grosvenor in Abington Street we have Smokers Heaven … it is totally illegal to smoke there but, security must all be smokers as they do nothing about it. Likewise the doors on the upper level leading to Northampton House. Most often left open full of smokers belching their filth into the centre and, nothing is done. It’s like these people want to drive others away.
The Charity Collectors everywhere (chuggers). It’s unpleasant trying to avoid them, the hard sell young people who insist your life isn’t complete until you sign up for this or that. It doesn’t matter if shoppers are in mid conversation or on the phone, they will stop you, just plain rude!
But, on the plus side, they are some of the few who speak English in our English County Market Town. It’s possible to walk one end to the other without hearing English spoken at all, again, doesn’t encourage anyone to feel at home there.
The market … half a market and barely one at all at that. One stall often there sells drugs stuff, bongs and anything drug related, maybe not the drugs themselves but who knows? Great image of the town that gives.
We have all the e-cigs and vape shops, the short lease units here today, gone tomorrow. Stores where the staff stand out at the entrance and wonder why they get no custom.
Abington St stinks of fags or we walk through a vape cloud of some sickly alternative to legal drug use. We have the drunks outside every pub, the teen mums smoking their roll up whilst pushing baby number 2 in the pram whilst on her phone, we’ve all seen them.
We get 2 hours free in some car parks yet, on others it costs the earth and someone can only stay for 3 hours! Over at the retail parks it is free as long as you can complete all your transactions in 3 hours and get out again else they land you with a huge fine.
All this makes me wonder, do they, any of them, value the concept of a shopping centre at all?
At the weekends it fills with party goers and, well, sadly many weekends ones of them doesn’t live to tell the tale! People still think New York is bad! We have more serious crime here per head of population than they have in New York!
My proposal? Get one large company to buy the entire site. Fill every empty unit with god quality bars and restaurants, have a policy of encouragement to retailers and shoppers alike, free parking all day every day or, a free park and ride service which works using the car parks at Sixfields.
Ban all forms of smoking during business house within 100 feet of any entrance door way and strictly enforce it. Provide smoking areas where they won’t affect others. Everyone said when smoking in pubs was banned the customers would leave, they didn’t, business actually increased because the vast majority of customers are not smokers.
Get rid of the tired 1950’s/60’s buildings and replace them with something contemporary. Enhance the historical buildings. Merge Market Walk with the Grosvenor or build over it.
No stores unless they take a two year minimum lease. Move all charity and Poundshops into their own sector and call it Bargain Land. Perhaps around the market or, indeed, convert Market Walk.
This won’t happen of course, we have a council in #Northampton Borough Council who won’t change, won’t bring in investment.
