It’s really quite stressful.

Going to work would be far less stress than being responsible for others that I actually care about. There is no detachment here, it’s full on all of the time. I don’t begrudge it, far from it. Life has dealt me this hand and I am going to play it to win it would be so much nicer with a lottery win though. They say that money can’t buy you happiness but, I’d just much rather scream in a mansion.

Once again we’ve got the Zoey issue happening. She’s fine but it’s the social workers buggering about. They’ve been told time and time again that the budget from last year needs to be increased so they increased it but then said she cannot have the new budget until she moves out whilst acknowledging it’s not enough anyway. They just unsuspended the old budget after having saved themselves £5,600 in payments they didn’t make to it. The amount will just cover her two trips to Project Care each week and the small bit left over will barely cover anything!

So, that’s Zoey and it’s ongoing, very much so.

It would appear that the company running Jermaine’s care has no record of what the original agreement was when he moved in so I’ve got to sort that mess out now. My guess is that an awful lot of money has gone walkabout!

Robin is thankfully improving, I worry about him loads so glad of that.

Me & Dennis are awaiting the decision of the UK immigration people as to whether he can visit here or not. The way my life is going at the moment there seems only a slim chance they will say yes because his coming here is a positive step toward my future so why the hell would anyone support that?

The Motability car apparently has a crack in the steering column so that needs repairing. In the meantime I’m driving around in a minibus!

My GP finally agreed I need to see a specialist allergy consultant, there is only one in the county so my appointment is 5th July! No hurry there then.

I hate the feeling of not being in control. I am not a control freak it’s more a case of needing to have some control over my own future and not have it so much in the hands of other people.

I was hoping by now that I’d have all the plans in place for when Dennis was here next month but … I think a very long rule by the Spaniards has left not a small amount of the Manjana attitude. For me, and I know I am not typical of all Brits, I won’t leave until tomorrow something I could do yesterday but, that’s cool because I enjoy our differences.

Anyway, all things going well, we should know in about 3 weeks whether the wonderful UK Foreign Office says yes or not to the visa application which will give me a staggering just over 2 weeks to arrange everything!

Now, tomorrow here in the UK is Mothers Day and, as it has been now for 29 years, I don’t have a mum any longer so, I shall be alone again (naturally). Everyone else, quite rightly, being with their mums. For those who don’t know, my mum died on July 10th 1986. Medical reasons aside, she died from a broken heart and, try as I might, the person who did that is someone I can’t ever forgive, ironically, the same woman did it to both my parents. I will be more than happy if I never have to see that woman again as long as I live!

Grandkids are all doing well. Zachary has some excellent reading skills coming along there, Josh & Immy seem so grown up these days and Danny is moving forward with his speech. I am really proud of all of them.

Sitting here drinking a lovely coffee, something I can taste through this cold! I can feel the virus going now but I suspect I might still have one more crap night to come.

I’ve checked my diary and nothing significant this month for me. Lynn will be 55 this year is it? She certainly doesn’t look it. Hopefully I can get all excited and arrange April/May for me and Dennis but, apart from that, as quiet as a month can be at the stage just before I become really busy every day!

• My weight is stuck at 10st 8lbs. I lost 9lbs since I started this but for three weeks I am stuck where I am …. incidentally coinciding with my starting the Gym
• Zoey has a new  Social Services Team. Assessment Done, awaiting conclusion
• Zoey will be moving out, housing application submitted, wait and see
• Zoey was awarded Higher Rate for both care and mobility on her PiP application on the first attempt
• I have a cold, bugger
• Daisy has an ear infection
• Sean needs some support
• Matt can’t walk without looking and feeling like he was kicked in the nuts, so much for exercise!
• Robin is in a bad way, he’ll get there
• Show, A Little Night Music, was really very good.
• I am still in love with Dennis and he me.
• Dennis will get his passport this Thursday and hopefully we’ll know in a little over 2 weeks about his visa application
• Apparently it’s cheaper to fly to Birmingham from Manila than it is to London, who knew?
• Meeting in Corby tomorrow for Jermaine, updates to come
• Had my eyebrows sorted, looking good