Changes

This year is going to see a lot of changes going on.

Many may not like those changes because what they will be is selfish. ‘I’ plan on living for me and that means devoting my time and energy to me and my soon to be ‘husband’,  Dennis.

Essentially that will mean a hell of a lot less time for others. Entire relationships as they are now will change as circumstances change.

Hopefully, we’ll quickly become self sufficient financially and that will mean not having to rely on an handouts from others, not the state or family. No will will have the power to use their contribution to our existence against us again. No well meaning souls will be able to make that call to the benefit fraud team or safeguarding because, we won’t be involved with those people. Our lives and our home will be under our own rules and standards. No body will have the right to behave superior or disrespectful again, it’s not going to happen.

Of course, this relies on our mega expensive next visa being approved in the 24 hours it should be without any hitch and then us both not taking too long to get employed.

It’s a big ask but we’ve got big determination. Dennis needs to feel part of this country and that means working. I need to feel a valued part of this country too. I’ve been 2nd class for too long, enough is enough already.

Those who care about us will embrace these changes and support us, others will rebel and make it difficult, we know this.

The Power of ‘Sorry’

Perhaps it’s a survival of the fitness throw back not to seem ‘weak’ that so many people are averse to saying ‘sorry’.

It is one of the most powerful words however it is translated.

It isn’t an admission of a failure, it’s an acknowledgement that things are not going the way they should.

Those who have tried to use the word more have discovered the huge effects it has on their communication with others.

If you have a disagreement with someone and you’ve reached a point scoring stalemate, just say ‘sorry’ and see what happens.

“I’m sorry, this is not the way I wanted to this conversation to go, can we start again?”

That’s not the same as saying that you are wrong and they are right, it’s an acknowledgement of your regret that this just isn’t satisfying anyone.

You could go on all evening one point scoring reply after another, he said this, she said that and where does it get anyone?

Look at these two examples of a couple when (in this case) he comes in from work:

Him “What’s for dinner love/”

Her “What do you mean, what’s for dinner? I only got in myself 10 minutes ago, what are you doing for dinner”

Him “But I left home half hour before you do I’ve been working more than you so why can’t you do it?”

Her “Because I had to pick up all your dirty clothes off the floor after you left and then, when I got in this morning I noticed you’d left the bathroom in a mess so I just did that so, now what do you have to say?”

Him “Well, I get paid the most so therefore my job is more important than yours so you’ve got no argument really”

Her, “What the actual ****!”

Now, we can see from this that the argument is going on for a long time, indeed, we’re probably getting close to the sort of time it would have taken to prepare food and they’ve no got actually any closer to doing it.

Try this alternative:

Him “What’s for dinner love/”

Her “What do you mean, what’s for dinner? I only got in myself 10 minutes ago, what are you doing for dinner”

Him “But I left home half hour before you do I’ve been working more than you so why can’t you do it?”

Her “Because I had to pick up all your dirty clothes off the floor after you left and then, when I got in this morning I noticed you’d left the bathroom in a mess so I just did that so, now what do you have to say?”

Him “I’m sorry love, this isn’t how I meant this to go, can we start over? What about we both cook?”

Now, you can see, he’s not actually backed down, he’s just admitted that the conversation isn’t going anywhere and changed the direction with the word ‘sorry’.

There are countless examples where the use of ‘sorry’ can make for a better life, try it on for size.

Remember, the focus should be on what you want the outcome to be, not essentially the words you use to get there, the quicker you move toward the outcome the better with the least upset to either party. No one likes the feeling of being put upon. Don’t do it, say ‘sorry’

If God doesn’t exist …

Why do coincidences happen more frequently after I pray for them? Why is there a pattern to my life which, taken as a whole makes sense?

Now, my faith doesn’t, any more than the entirety of my life, follow the flow or ‘normality’. I don’t go out of my way to be different more, I feel I would have to go out of my way to conform and find it so much easier to be honest with myself, be myself.

I don’t know about you, I feel sometimes I have been afraid of trusting my own judgements in case I are wrong and only have myself to blame. But then I remind myself, everything in life needs some form of manure to grow. Some things can grow OK in unfertilised pastures but, honestly, adding in some manure really moves things along. This is the very best of lives. I am convinced that if I were never ill, if nothing went wrong, if I were never broke, I couldn’t fully appreciate the incredible nature of my life. Does a rich person appreciate a lottery win the same way or as intensely as a poor person?

So, for me, I feel God or Jesus or a representative thereof, has educated me just enough to know what is right and what is wrong. Not to a state of perfection but enough for me to know I have to follow my judgement because, even my bad judgements move me toward a positive outcome or, perhaps just better experience to help someone else, either of those has to be what life is about.

I can go back to dear Mr Green when I was a small child, perhaps as young as 4 or 5 and he would take me along to Sunday School, on a Sunday morning, naturally enough! I was taught a lot there but, somehow I only strongly recall some of the very basics amongst the teaching.

The teachings were all about being humble, how the disciples were humble, how they gave of themselves selflessly and asked for nothing in return, not charge for sharing the words of Jesus … sure, some bread, fish and a bit of wine/water greatly appreciated but, not one of them got a big house from sharing the word or ever wrote about a career path, it was a calling. They trusted that God would provide and, on the whole, he did.

There was a teaching about how angry Jesus got to see men (probably women too, I don’t remember the passage that clearly) that these people were using a place of worship to make an income, for profit, for personal gain.

You see, I am aware of such teaching and it gets me to thinking how many of our large churches or cathedrals charge admission and practically for a contribution from worshippers. Very little of this income goes to helping the needy as it would have done back in the time of Jesus, so much of it goes on expensive large houses for perhaps one person, a very good salary and a management structure, some goes on a building and what is left either remains in the bank or might be given to good causes.

Entire passages of the Bible, both Old and New Testament have been written falsely or deliberately misleading so as to secure more power for the higher management of the church. No Church anywhere should contain symbols of wealth when so many are starving worldwide.

You see, we were given a church, ‘we’ are the church, we don’t need old, ornate buildings, a field will do, is perhaps better as we can stare upon creation whilst conversing with a higher form. I remember so often being on a journey, watching out the window and thinking just how incredible it all is, so much natural, overwhelming beauty but, of course, I suppose that could just be our influence, digging, planting and generally living or, we might want to just think, wow!

Back in the early 1990’s when I was still married and the boys were very young, I took us on a very long walk, not a very well planned long walk but one which looked like it would be enjoyable. It was an incredibly hot day, we took no water with us, had no mobile phone back then and, the children, by the time we got to the destination many miles away, were getting quite unwell, with tiredness and dehydration. We tried to find a way back without a two hour walk, there wasn’t one so, I prayed. I said that I had no answer for this one I didn’t know what to do …. instantly afterwards a Spanish lady approached me, she spoke no English but she was clearly asking if we were OK. I communicated we were not really, that the boys were suffering and we were stuck. She beckoned us to follow to her small car already close on full with her own family and said we were to get in. She drove us to a place of safety, refused any payment with a wonderful smile and drove off. Coincidence it might have been but I’ve several like that!

I believe I have been trusted to find my own path but, every now and again something happens to remind me I am not perfect, I make mistakes. I always find a way to see how something positive came from the bad experiences, I could write a book from such things (but this isn’t it).

So, I have a faith, God, Jesus and my family and friends who have passed, are with me, guiding me and, I think, exercising the sort of sick humour I know them to have.

Right now I have the man of my dreams with me, we’re about to get married … that’s something else that religion has corrupted, Jesus has no real issues with us …. I should be so overjoyed and, of course, a deeper part of me is … but, we’re loads in debt, my health has taken a tumble, I can’t even sleep with Dennis at the moment because I cough most of the night and I feel bad enough physically through lack of sleep without making Dennis feel ill too so … my level of happiness is helped to grow with a huge dollop of manure, just as I’d expect!

My advice would be, keep moving forward because, even if you cannot yet see why you are going through a bad patch, it will fit in with your life path eventually, you’ll see it had to happen for you to get down the road you will eventually walk on.

Try playing the game of time travel changes but, look at the broader picture. Go back to any point in your life and be honest about changing those bad experiences, would you still be where you are now had they never happened? Would you still know the people you know, have the work that you do? I find so little in my life I dare change, I can see hot it all lings in to me being where I am and, that’s comforting to me.

God chooses what person he wants to be, we’re encouraged in that direction but, ultimately, how we get there is up to us.