A couple of years back someone asked me “Why does being gay always have to be about sex” and I’d never really thought about it like that before but it is so true. For some weird reason, that same person sees gay life now as being all about sex and little else but such is life, I move on.

Being a little late to the out and open gay life it has taken me some time to find the kind of being gay that is right for me. My conclusion, and I respect that this is a ‘for now’ conclusion … is that what I really want is to meet someone that becomes special and then sex will follow somewhere way down the line. I don’t want sex to be the defining factor in any relationship I have with someone. The possible icing on the cake, the affirmation of love but not the meaning of love.

Sex without the trusted love of another guy doesn’t mean anything to me, it is pointless except to relieve the sexual urges that I naturally have and it is true, I probably don’t get enough of it! But, without that reciprocal love, it is just an act of release and nothing more and as such, can even so much as destroy a friendship because there are some for whom sex and attachment cannot be mixed. For them that it can, it can enhance a friendship to also be physically close to them.

Boy, I am still sounding confused here because I am now making a point for possible physical attraction within a friendship but not with someone with whom I am ‘in love’. Yes, I have to concede, that’s possible too but it’s a fine line with me that I would tread between the friend I had sex with and the ability not to fall in love with them because of my natural desire for sex and love to be intertwined.

A couple of years back someone asked me “Why does being gay always have to be about sex” and I’d never really thought about it like that before but it is so true. For some weird reason, that same person sees gay life now as being all about sex and little else but such is life, I move on.

Being a little late to the out and open gay life it has taken me some time to find the kind of being gay that is right for me. My conclusion, and I respect that this is a ‘for now’ conclusion … is that what I really want is to meet someone that becomes special and then sex will follow somewhere way down the line. I don’t want sex to be the defining factor in any relationship I have with someone. The possible icing on the cake, the affirmation of love but not the meaning of love.

Sex without the trusted love of another guy doesn’t mean anything to me, it is pointless except to relieve the sexual urges that I naturally have and it is true, I probably don’t get enough of it! But, without that reciprocal love, it is just an act of release and nothing more and as such, can even so much as destroy a friendship because there are some for whom sex and attachment cannot be mixed. For them that it can, it can enhance a friendship to also be physically close to them.

Boy, I am still sounding confused here because I am now making a point for possible physical attraction within a friendship but not with someone with whom I am ‘in love’. Yes, I have to concede, that’s possible too but it’s a fine line with me that I would tread between the friend I had sex with and the ability not to fall in love with them because of my natural desire for sex and love to be intertwined.

… to a house load of kids age range of 13 – 18 and thought to myself, yes, this is how it is meant to be, a lively house and loads of happy people. I sometimes wish the kids would do this more often as there really is little worse as a parent to have kids seemingly avoiding the place!

In contrast, at some point today, most if not all of them will sod off again and I shall have the house back to myself.

Matt seems like he has decided to take a gap year which is fine except that he and me need to discuss finance as him taking a year out means I have to pay more money … I lose Child Benefit for him, he no longer fits onto my income support claim and I have to pay a proportion of council tax and rent. It could actually cost him a fair bit to refund me te difference.

I need to start booking stuff. I am taking Robin to Calais next Thursday but it looks like Matt can’t join us as he’ll be starting his new job hopefully this week but I don’t know that and he so needs to find out so that I can be certain of the booking. I shall soon be booking the murder evening for Robin and I which looks like being fun, that’s another part of his spread out birthday present … what with me trying to not make a big thing of the day itself. I also need to book flights and the accomodation to Venice else either the price will go up or their won’t be anywhere to stay … I can sort that when Nick gets back this week. I’d have liked to gone with Simon but realistically if we cannot manage to sort out one day together, a whole week stands no chance of happening. Not that I won’t enjoy it with Nick, I am sure I will it just would have been nice to spend some time with Si.

… to a house load of kids age range of 13 – 18 and thought to myself, yes, this is how it is meant to be, a lively house and loads of happy people. I sometimes wish the kids would do this more often as there really is little worse as a parent to have kids seemingly avoiding the place!

In contrast, at some point today, most if not all of them will sod off again and I shall have the house back to myself.

Matt seems like he has decided to take a gap year which is fine except that he and me need to discuss finance as him taking a year out means I have to pay more money … I lose Child Benefit for him, he no longer fits onto my income support claim and I have to pay a proportion of council tax and rent. It could actually cost him a fair bit to refund me te difference.

I need to start booking stuff. I am taking Robin to Calais next Thursday but it looks like Matt can’t join us as he’ll be starting his new job hopefully this week but I don’t know that and he so needs to find out so that I can be certain of the booking. I shall soon be booking the murder evening for Robin and I which looks like being fun, that’s another part of his spread out birthday present … what with me trying to not make a big thing of the day itself. I also need to book flights and the accomodation to Venice else either the price will go up or their won’t be anywhere to stay … I can sort that when Nick gets back this week. I’d have liked to gone with Simon but realistically if we cannot manage to sort out one day together, a whole week stands no chance of happening. Not that I won’t enjoy it with Nick, I am sure I will it just would have been nice to spend some time with Si.