A couple of years back someone asked me “Why does being gay always have to be about sex” and I’d never really thought about it like that before but it is so true. For some weird reason, that same person sees gay life now as being all about sex and little else but such is life, I move on.

Being a little late to the out and open gay life it has taken me some time to find the kind of being gay that is right for me. My conclusion, and I respect that this is a ‘for now’ conclusion … is that what I really want is to meet someone that becomes special and then sex will follow somewhere way down the line. I don’t want sex to be the defining factor in any relationship I have with someone. The possible icing on the cake, the affirmation of love but not the meaning of love.

Sex without the trusted love of another guy doesn’t mean anything to me, it is pointless except to relieve the sexual urges that I naturally have and it is true, I probably don’t get enough of it! But, without that reciprocal love, it is just an act of release and nothing more and as such, can even so much as destroy a friendship because there are some for whom sex and attachment cannot be mixed. For them that it can, it can enhance a friendship to also be physically close to them.

Boy, I am still sounding confused here because I am now making a point for possible physical attraction within a friendship but not with someone with whom I am ‘in love’. Yes, I have to concede, that’s possible too but it’s a fine line with me that I would tread between the friend I had sex with and the ability not to fall in love with them because of my natural desire for sex and love to be intertwined.