Have you seen this man?
That’s my other self on GTA V, Robin Banks. I think he looks just like the bloke I think I should look like but don’t!
Next week I shall be 52. I’ve always been a little nervous of being 52 as it is the age my mum died at. True, there are no similarities between her and me health-wise. But, even so, it sort of also brings it home to me just how young she was when she died, how much life she didn’t live. By comparison I am so much more fortunate. She never knew her grandchildren and she ended up with 6 of them. She never knew her great-grandchildren either and there are 4 of those. Most upsetting for me personally is that she never got to know me either. To her I was probably this stupidly introvert weird kid who had little respect for her (because I had sex in her house) and who had got this girl she didn’t much like pregnant.
She never got to know the person I couldn’t be then but later become and that’s sad because I would have liked to seen how she was, whether she would have approved of dumped me or just went through awkward denial. I’ll just never know. Of course, no point dwelling on what didn’t happen and can’t happen. She died in 1986 (July 10th) and that’s that.
So, at 52 what do I still want to do?
I really want to do more travelling. I’d like to return to the Philippines if I can, visit Hong Kong, India and Australia, I must do Australia as it tops up my continent tally! It’d be nice just to go somewhere else that sort of speaks English too. Where else? I really do want to do Gran Canaria again and the USA too, hell, so much of the USA! Top of the list would probably be Florida though, so much escapism. Seems greedy though as it was only 4 years ago I was last there. New York for sure but taking in Washington DC and Niagara Falls, that’s a big ask. I really enjoyed LA but wouldn’t go back unless I could add San Francisco onto the journey. Actually, San Diego is another I’d like to redo. Ibiza, that was the start of my international travels, the first destination I flew to back in 1982, so long ago now.
I’d like to do another holiday on the Norfolk Broads, I enjoyed that and it’s really quite relaxing.
Hmm, a hot air balloon, quite like the idea of that. Riding a motorbike again. Not done that since 1983 and that didn’t go so well. Having some fast fun around a race circuit in an awesome car, that’d be good.
All the above have a degree of the possible about them.
The not so likely is, have enough money to get my eyes and ears as fixed as they can be just so I can be somewhere close to ‘normal’ physically for a while. I do so hate wearing glasses and hearing aids. A lot of people don’t think let alone understand how horrible it is. My hearing level never gets above the quality of an old transistor radio, and they are uncomfortable always. My eyesight means I can’t see properly at any time. Sure, I can see but not naturally. I know from when I wear contact lenses that the sort of vision which is natural is a very long way off what glasses achieve. I can’t feel the wind in my face or wear fashionable shades. Certain personal things are thoroughly diminished because I need to remove my aids and glasses, forget turning the lights off, I actually would prefer the lights off so I might forget I cannot see and, sweet nothings are actually just ‘nothings’ without my hearing aids.
So, if I had the money, I’d get something done which the NHS would never fund. It wouldn’t be a cure but a huge improvement.
No, I still don’t colour my hair! I get really fed up with those who keep insisting I am colouring my hair to hide the grey, I just don’t, it is what it is. The only colouring goes on is my eyebrows as they are quite grey which just looks odd with non grey hair.
I’d like to get in shape but then, I’d also like to feel good about myself more often so I didn’t comfort eat.
What else? Well, I want to start the photography more again, I want to set up and use the Karaoke too. Both those help me unwind and I need some unwinding.
Love interest … sort of in the works but, not assured yet, a work in progress which reminds me, shall call him in a little while.
As for my birthday itself, I think that’s sorted.
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