5lbs so far but I’ve stopped going to Slimming World. There is nothing wrong with them I just needed to make a choice, pay £4 a week to follow the same plan I can follow anyway at home or get a gym membership and add something healthy on the exercise front into the mix. I chose the latter because something else showed up on my blood test results that I wasn’t expecting. I have a higher than normal cholesterol level. The GP suggested it’s high enough to suspect a heredity factor as opposed to a poor diet. I’ve been advised to take some exercise, get my heart healthy before anything nasty happens and I am on ‘statins’ too. All jolly good fun (not) and probably the first of the tablets in my life I may need to take long term to stay healthy. The diet is good though, no bad stuff in there so, hopefully the tablets do their job, the gym give me some strength in my heart muscle and all shall be good.

Social Services really do seem to have disappeared off the face of the planet so it looks as though I will have to contact the ombudsman to get things sorted. Ridiculous really.

Poor health seems to be floating about at the moment, not a good start to the year so, things can (hopefully) only get better.

Still missing Dennis loads. Had a couple of chats but not enough. I can but pray that he gets the visit visa trouble free.

Had bloods looked at and I have a Vitamin D Deficiency which means it has me feeling overly exhausted, even when I’m able to get enough shut-eye. Last night I was motionless for 95% of the time. It also means I feel moody or blue. So, this being the diagnosis I have been given some medication and will be chatting to the GP on Tuesday. It also has some quite nasty implications but we won’t worry about any of those as I believe this came on quite recently, not a long term issue.

On 6th January me and Daisy started Slimming World, they’ve been around for a bit, have a good reputation. Of course, the way I am feeling has dulled my excitement so I am just going through the motions. Even so, 3lbs this week isn’t so terrible, more would be better. I am looking at an average loss of 4lbs so I need to try harder.

Dennis is heading off to do some coaching this weekend, I might not be able to speak to him at all for a month. I hope that’s not the case as the distance is hard enough to live with as it is. Of course, it’s just a month and we’ve potentially got a great many years ahead of us so, think positive.

Placed a complaint with Social Services as the indicative budget was appalling in the mistakes it contained and outright lies of course, not to mention spelling mistakes, not least the word ‘Zoey’. The initial reply seems to be that as this ‘transitions’ team hands over to the young adults team in June, they might just leave them to sort it out. In the meantime, Zoey gets nothing!

Also had to complete an application form for Zoey’s Personal Independence Payment a few days ago. I can only hope they don’t do any messing about and she gets an acceptable level first try rather than having to appeal. This said, it might be in ‘my’ best interest if she is turned down for the mobility section as this means the car goes back early. If that happens then Motability give me £2000 plus any residue on the advance payment (won’t be much). With that I can purchase a car. This would take the constant worry out of whether or not they’re going to mess with her benefits again. I really am getting sick of how much the social finance system robs me of my freedom to choose even the most basics things in life!

Sean gave me a Smart Watch this week. Seems to be one of the few watches I can wear without it messing with my skin. That and it’s a cool watch with some useful features, thank you again Sean.

Finally going to see Star Wars 7 tomorrow night (14th Jan). Am going on my own but that’s fine.

It feels like it does sometimes. I often say how much I’d love to go out to work just for a break, I’m not kidding!

We’re still waiting to get any service at all for Zoey, it’s been months now. The Department of Works and Pensions just told me I have until 22nd January to apply for her Personal Independence Payment … which I just know they’ll reject first time around so I will have to appeal. When they reject it I lose ALL income until it is sorted again. I don’t mean it gets cut I really mean I shall have zero income. The amount Zoey will have left won’t even cost how much she actually costs herself!

Of course, I could just think positive and assume it will all be approved first time but, that’s not my experience in life, life, for me isn’t so easy. I have to fight for everything. I am supposedly very good at it but, why should I have to? Others seem to have really good and stress free lives, why is it I get picked out as the one who can’t have that?

I am entitled to a Carers Assessment to make sure my needs are met but, the only people who do that are Northamptonshire Carers and those who know me know why I can’t have anything to do with them so, I don’t get any support as a Carer at all.

To make matters worse, I can’t get a hug from the love of my life because he lives 7000 miles away and, yet more annoying, the internet connection has become totally unreliable the past week or so. I also have the uncertainty of whether or not he’ll get a visa to come here in the Spring or whether or not I will be in a position to bring him here next year. Other people don’t have these worries.

I have to trust that God or someone will not let my life continue being so difficult, that some help will be offered when it’s needed but, it’s tough to do that.

Yes, I know this sounds like one of those unattractive whinging posts, because it is basically but, sometimes I am all too aware that people think I am incredibly strong and can deal with anything and everything … they might think that, they’re wrong.