We all have relationships of one kind or another be it with our family, lovers or friends
I aim here to guide you through some situations you could experience and to give my opinion on what you could do, what may be right or wrong.
- Important problems should never be resolved in text, none of us are clever enough to communicate in words what we feel inside and when anger and hurt are involved, the results, from not knowing how the other person feels, can be a disaster
- Talk – Communication is the key to resolving just about any problem. Very few, if any of us, are telepathic, we may think we know what the other person feels, wants or needs but, do we really? Talk to them, ask, tell them how you are feeling and why.
- Don’t assume anything, if you feel the urge to tell someone you love them, do it! Never keep it to yourself because ‘you’ believe they already know and, even if they do, what does it cost to say it?
- Trust is everything, your entire relationship is built on it, it’s like the foundations, trust has to be there. Never, ever, no matter how hurt, mess with trust. It may give temporary gratification to say ‘we never had any good times’ or, ‘I never loved you’ but, those few words can undo years of the most amazing experiences ever. Once the lies start, the truth can’t find a way. What is particularly crazy is, telling the truth is so much easier, there are no lies to remember just memories to hold onto.
- Money – it is not everything but it is something. Talk about it, be honest, take responsibility for it and never leave it to someone else to sort out. Because someone says ‘you need to repay what you owe me’ that is not the same as … ‘this relationship is all about the money and who owes what’.
- Parents and kids … kids grow up and we have that really difficult, the MOST difficult time when they are neither fully adult or still children. In their late teens and early twenties younger people don’t quite ‘get’ where they fit in. The natural urge is to try to hold on to all the good bits of childhood whilst reaping the rewards of being an adult … this cannot work unless a family is so loaded the changing circumstances don’t matter or so distant they don’t notice. I’d say, once the young person is earning they should be contributing, paying their way and not seeing all this new found wealth as ‘pocket money’. Like every other adult, earning money means taking responsibility for what we each cost and not relying on someone else, even parents, to bail us out. Parents too need to understand that it is difficult for younger people to know how they are meant to react, are we talking to them as equals or telling them off? We need to accept that, even if they appear to be acting like children they are adults and need to be respected as such. THEY need to understand that we are their parents and have been there caring for them all their lives or a significant proportion, we have earned a special respect that makes us just slightly ‘more’ equal. Paying their way doesn’t give them ownership of the family home! They must always remember they are home but also in someone else’s property and must respect their house rules just as they will want everyone else respecting their rules when they get a place of their own.