Let us just presume that, for a moment, Time Travel is a thing …. not for everyone, just for us, we have the DeLorean, it’s just us doing it.

You can go forward or backward, no limitations and as often as you like.

The first question would be, and really think about this, would you? You know, you might want to go back time, see a famous event, catch your favourite band before they split up, watch your parents get married or possibly just drop in on yourself years into the future and see how it all turns out … really, would you?

What if you had no choice, you’ve got to make 3 visits to the past, you’re past, you can only travel within your own lifetime.

I know a lot of people instantly think about this, they go back, stop themselves doing something really bad, prevent themselves getting involved with the wrong people, perhaps warning a tragically lost loved one and prevent their death. So many things happen to us in life we wish we could change, wish were just different. We long for certain memories not to be there for the hurt to go away. All valid thoughts but … this is where it gets interesting. Most of us, unless we really are up shits creek without a paddle, like an awful lot about our current lives. Perhaps value our friends, a loved one, children? What can we safely change which ensures we don’t lose any of the current stuff?

I’ve given this probably too much thought and can barely think of any significant event in my personal history I could change which doesn’t risk losing something good now. Even the most insignificant of changes can have huge consequences in our own timeline.

We could prevent a disastrous relationship but if we didn’t experience that, what would we have done with the time instead? It could change a whole string of subsequent events meaning that perhaps we would never have met a current partner, how can we be so sure where that one change will leave us?

Perhaps we consider changing the situation where we allowed someone into our circle which took us down a very dark path. Again, what do we do with all that time that person took up?

My conclusion is, any interference in any way with my own timeline has huge ramifications for every aspect of my current life.

The conclusion I reach is quite a comforting one, we need those experiences to be where we are today. All the good in our lives stems from the bad experiences as well as the positive ones. Try and think of a change you would make and let me know and also explain how you can be certain nothing will be lost.

It is the classic question of, if you could kill Hitler at birth, would you? Many come to the conclusion that he was a necessary evil, we’d rather he’d never have existed but, because he did we might have been spared from someone even more extreme and damaging.

It’s a fascinating subject and as I just stated, one I draw some comfort from. I don’t think we have to follow a given road in life, we have free choice but in hindsight, our experiences do seem to have needed to have happened.

I want (need) to talk about whistle blowing, reporting a colleague at work and my experience of it.

Trust me on this, it’s not something you would ever really want to do but, alongside that, how can you not?

Perhaps we and I know I presumed that if we’re ever in that situation then it’s going to be the colleague no one likes, we don’t like. That we are doing the company and other colleagues a good turn in ‘dobbing them in’.

What I actually found was quite different to that. I liked the person, they were one of the most popular people in the place and yet, here I was seeing something terrible wrong and not being able to control it. I decided to sleep on it, clear my mind and consider my options. I felt that if I reported the person my employer would likely act, it could affect the colleagues career. My career there had just started. I did not consider their career deserved to be damaged. I valued them enough to know that without the complication of me they would get over it and learn.

It is important for me to copy the first line of my ‘whistle blowing’ email here as I feel, without it part of the context of how I was feeling would be lost.

I am really sorry but I am resigning with immediate effect. I would like to take this chance to explain.

As you can see, I did not consider my further employment in the company was sustainable. 

I went on to detail various management issues that were not working for me (quickly addressed) but also, and at length the details I need to convey of abuse of a carer to a resident.

The company acted swiftly, the carer was interviews and a decision made. They continued to work there as I had hoped that they would. I was asked not to resign and I returned to work.

What followed was instant. Sadly, the colleague I’d reported was not discreet and had shared a version of events which did not entirely match what transpired. What I experienced was collegues being simply horrible to me. Blanking me, refusing to help me, gossip behind my back and, it hurt. n one occasion a resident was put at risk because an available colleague refused to work with me.

I never mentioned the situation, I didn’t share my viewpoint until I was actually asked outright by someone, one of the younger carers, what really happened because, he said, that what he had heard didn’t quite add up with me, the man he’d got to know.

Over time most colleagues mellowed but not all. I needed to speak out in front of all staff at a meeting about how they’d made me feel. It was quite humiliating for me.

Still, I have left there now and I hold no malice. Had my health not got the better of me I would still be working there. True, I don’t think the effort I needed to put in in order to earn respect again helped with my anxiety which was ultimately what finished me off and I truly hope those ex colleagues who treated me like that will, in future, either keep out of a similar situation or explore the full story before making a judgement. No one should ever take sides with whistle blowing. It’s not easy for anyone concerned. 

I’d still do it again though were the situation to occur.

So, anyway, this Monday I started training for my new job. I am really, truly sad to quit Brook House and look forward to going back for a visit soon. This job though is considerably more local and more money too. Though money is not my driving force, every little helps (thanks Tesco).

I don’t know as of this moment when I actually start working after this week but hopefully I’ll know soon

Bug almost gone … I say that because, it’s like it really enjoys spending time with me. I feel like it has gone and then I am coughing randomly or my temperature is all over the place and then … back to no symptoms again. Totally bonkers.

It’s still early days but I sense I am feeling the beneficial effects of the anti-anxiety meds and that has to be good. Not so keen on the side effects but, I guess I can’t have it all.

The time of work is certain to screw up the finances, not happy about that but hopefully we’ll get on track better in 2018. I feel optimistic about that anyway.

Me and Dennis watched the latest version of ‘The Mummy’ and, I really enjoyed it. Didn’t enjoy quite so much the effects on the screen size when I accidentally sat on the remote requiring me to Google a solution how to get it back to watchable!