Year: 2021

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Memory Tracks

Over the years I have noticed that some music in my life has developed a trigger for memory. Occasionally I’d hear one and I’d be straight back there remembering the past. Here is a selection of 50+ I have put together though there are many more I can think of

Fantasmic! from DIsneyland and Walt Disney World

This one is very simple, it reminds me of my DIsney trips and one of the most impressive shows I have seen

Flying There from ET

This is the movie I think I watched more than any other. It was the first movie to hold the title for the one which got me emotional with and, it was the first movie that I made out with

Crossing the Marigold Bridge from ‘Coco’

This should be ‘Remember me’ but I still cannot listen to that without tears in my eyes. The movie reminds me of all those I have lost over the years

Hogwarts Forever!

Obviously the movie but also the great time I spent with Robin at Universal Studios Florida and the hysterics of Robin squeezing into one of the rides

One Day More

From the play (and movie) ‘Les Miserables’. Reminds me of the shows and the movie. Watching that for the first time with my friend ‘Don’ probably the last time we were together. Also the moment when the song ‘On My Own’ is played which reminds me of the two times in my life when I fell desperately in love with guys and it was not returned and all the associated pain of that experience.

Rocket Man

Most recently from the movie which I very much enjoyed but also of me being a kid playing with my model cars

Main Theme (Galaxy Quest)

My go to cheer me up movie, always makes me smile and got me through some bad times

Giza 1928 … theme from Stargate

One of my all time favourite TV series

Finale of Nunsense

Robin had been mentioning the show for years and when we both visited Florida in 2011 I finally got to see a version of it which was awesome … plus, because of Robin I noticed a poster for it when I went to Brighton Pride so, it very strongly reminds me of that as well

Finale to ‘Oliver’

I remember being fascinated by it when I went to see it on release in Barking as a kid. This was back in the day when movie visitors bought a program to go with the movie and I even remember that as well. I was so curious how they had made it, how they made everything look so old.

Of course, years later I also discovered my friend Robin appeared in it which gives it added appeal

Overture to ‘The Producers’

Again one of my favourite musicals and I finally got to see it a few years ago in London with Robin. It was incredibly hot and Nathan Lane (lead) stopped the show to comment just how damn hot it was on the stage!

Jurassic Park Main Theme

Again, the memory of the movie which brought dinosaurs to life for me, a childhood fantasy to see a wold with actual dinosaurs. I am not so keen having see the results!

A few times in Florida I went to the Jurassic Park area of Universal either with others or on my own. On one occasion having a private session with a triceratops in its enclosure, very special

Forrest Gump theme

By now you must be sensing a theme!

So many triggers here. From visiting Savannah in 2004 with my friend Danny and his late father, lovely man.

From visiting ‘Bubba Gumps’ in New York city with Daisy & Adam, going to the London venue with the family and one of the first outings for Dennis in the UK, going to one of the restaurants in Las Vegas, so many happy memories

Back to the Future theme

The movies obviously but also the times I have seen one of the Delorean cars from the movie and also when I went to the location of ‘Twin Pines Mall’ near LA and then, got distracted by a buffet restaurant and totally forgot to do any pictures …. it was a great meal though.

Pirates of the Caribbean theme

The time on the ‘Pride of Bilbao’ a ferry from Bilbao in Spain to Portsmouth. Poor Daisy was very seasick and we watched the movie in the onboard cinema on rough seas with more and more people leaving to puke

The Avenue Q theme

Have seen the show several times and especially with the family watching them laughing hard was amazing

Suite from Mulan

Particularly of a trip to Disneyland Paris when they did a show with acrobats and other Chinese themes and also the Mulan parade with was just lovely. This is also Daisy’s favourite Disney movie

Hooray for Hollywood

The music I chose as the backing for the home movie segment where I drove from Atlanta to Orlando in a Chrysler Sebring which made me fall in love with the car which I would go on to own and all the memories associated with that.

Stars

Another track from Les Miserables which always gets Robin emotional and so reminds me of him and many of the fun times we’ve had together over the decades

Love in an Elavator

One of the songs used on my favourite coaster, Rock n Roller coaster by Aerosmith and the time with Anne when she plucked up the courage to ride because I told her how awesome it was with the music to discover they didn’t have the music working

Love of my life, Jim Brickman

One of the first songs Dennis told me he liked and I’d never heard it so I played it loads reminding me of him

Tonight Tonight – Hot Chelle Ray

I was playing this song whilst driving through LA the first time I saw the Hollywood sign just as they mentioned it in the song

Gangnam Style

The song of 2012 and Daisy & Adam doing their version of the dance in the hotel in New Jersey, so much fun to watch

He aint heavy, he’s my brother

Reminds me of the bond shared between Matt & Jermaine when they were little. Very touching when I recall how they were together

Thnks fr th mmrs

A song I used as backing for part of our most awesome 2007 holiday to Gran Canaria but also a reminder of the time when Zoey was locked up in a mental hospital and me and Anne went to Wembley to watch Fall Out Boy

Lollipop

Also a backing track for the 2007 holiday but also a song playing a lot during a great trip I did to Suffolk with Javis and Tyler

One Call Away

Being part of a Karaoke session in CDO Philippines of aunt Nene who sadly past away. It was just lovely to see Dennis and the kids singing away with no inhibitions 

Swan Lake

My first ever ballet and it was just so magical. It was also the sound that mums musical box played. I wish I had got to keep that but it was one of the great many keepsakes that others in the family took from her home 

Climb Every Mountain

One of mums favourite tunes and movies and one which was played at her cremation

Summer Holiday

Another 2007 holiday track but also one which reminds me of a holiday in 1969 I think it was to the Isle of Wight where my granddad died

Team

I’d never heard of the newly released song in 2014 when Jimmy Kimmel had it on his radio show for a lyric quiz whilst I was on the coast road from LA to San Diego

Yo Ho A Parates Life

All the time I’ve been on the ride with various if not all the people I care about at the parks around the world

Grim Grinning Ghosts

For exactly the same reasons as the Pirates ride though, I still need to take Dennis on it as they don’t have the same ride in Hong Kong

Halloween Halloween

From 1999 when I did a holiday with Kris, one of our last together. Very late nights at Disneyland Paris and an awesome fireworks display from the balcony of Phantom Manor which we went on at midnight

I’ll leave it there as many of the remaining tracks are for much the same reason and Disney related … Disney does hold so many happy memories for me. 

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Equality

Equality is not equality when one side feels they have to put down the other in the process.

I’ll give two examples, though there are many, where women feel the need to exclude men, who suffer equally on an individual basis, in order to bring attention to their own suffering.

Abuse

Breast Cancer

Both men and women are victims of physical, emotional and sexual abuse which includes rape and murder. 1 in 3 victims of abuse is male.

Men are raped, murdered for their sexuality, attacked at home and work and for every male abused, it’s just as serious as when it is a women except men have the added stigma of men supposedly  being too strong to be abused.

Men can also get breast cancer. The disease doesn’t discriminate so, why do women sufferers? 

1% of all cases are men and for each one of those men, it’s equally as devastating as for women, perhaps more so as it is universally accepted as a women only disease.

Many women are surprised to discover men in a breast cancer clinic, some actually discriminate and demand to know why.

Things only women can get away with

  • Women only Gyms
  • Women only swimming sessions
  • Female sexual harassment of men and, before you argue that the law applies to both. Remember that soft drink advert where the ‘fit’ guy is cleaning the windows and all the women are staring? If that was gender reversed it would have been banned
  • ‘Mum’s gone to Iceland’. That overly sexist banner add from the frozen food retailer though I am not sure if it is worse for the women or the men
  • Women who claim that men get enough their way so all the above is just totally justified
  • 90% of every clothes store
  • Mothers day gifts made at schools for mums yet, nothing for father’s day.
  • Cubicles at swimming pools whilst men just get one room.
  • Preference in parenting from so many sources. In a divorce the assumption and often reality is that the mother gets residency of the children. When children are at school, all letters are sent home to the mother even when there is no mother.
  • The assumption that women are natural parents whereas ‘men’ have no natural bond with their child.
  • Multitasking … the myth that only women can multitask, it is simply untrue and if the gender assignment were switched, there would be complaints from women.
  • Women presenting themselves as the weaker sex in order to get a man to do the heavier work and proudly saying to the man ‘that’s the only reason we have you here’. Let’s reverse that and have a group of men tell a women to do the dishes because, that’s the only reason they let her be there.

There are so many inequalities which both genders persist in repeating and we need to stop this now.

It’s not funny, it’s a form of abuse

When we set someone apart because of their gender we insult them as individuals. All of us have the right to be respect equally to those around us, men, women and those yet to make up their mind.

Equality is exactly that, it is not a war where one side needs to win over the other. In this, we all should come out winners 

One last thing …. yes, of course men had it their own way for years and that isn’t right either but, is it equality or revenge being sought here?

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Bringing the UK closer to the Philippines

I am a British man who has had connections with the Philippines since 2014 to my great pleasure. My husband is Filipino and I adore his family and friends. I do not yet, to my shame, speak the language, any version of it and, there are a few!

My visits there have been few and sadly, because of Covid, not recent. I have not had the chance to fully comprehend the country though, most experiences have been rewarding. Only a few times have I thought that the country is, dare I say it? A little bit racist? Don’t get me wrong, we are all a little bit racist, indeed, we’re programmed to notice any difference. My negatives have been with the overcharging which goes on as soon as a white face is seen. Prices can more than double purely because of ethnicity. It is annoying because the assumption being, all white people are rich. (We’re not).

Anyway, that is an aside.

I’ve been watching some Youtube videos from foreigners (American) who have settled there. They seem to quickly form their little USA and let the Filipina for the Philippines stuff and it got me to thinking what it is like here in the UK for those born in the Philippines but living here now and, it seems to be much the same!

Is that healthy though?

England is a country which has embraced multiculturalism for decades absorbing nationals from all over the world into our way of living. The problems arise from those nationals who will not integrate. Integration does not mean to stop being who you are, it doesn’t mean to lose your sense of national identity. For me, wherever I live I know I will always be British but, if that place ends up being in Ph, I’d like to think that the locals actually think of me being just a little Filipino too.

My very local experience of the Filipinos in this country is that integration is not high on the agenda. Sure, working here is but actually actively seeking English friends is not. Anyone not speaking Tagalog is sidelined in favour of those who do even in an active conversation in English it will be switched instantly to Philippine dialect instantly cutting the English speaker from the chat. As a cultural point, such things are the ultimate in rudeness here similar to physically turning backs on people mid conversation or whispering. We are the same with face coverings including sunglasses too, we just feel uncomfortable and instantly presume the other person is hiding something. Living here this is something the Filipino needs to respect. It’s maybe daft, makes no sense to you after all, you switched languages because, in your view, the conversation no longer applied to them but, still, it’s considered very rude and apologies should be made if you are about to cut a British person out of a conversation and, the reason needs to be because the other person does not speak English.

I am not trying to preach here but share some of the differences.

As I found in the Philippines, it doesn’t matter whether I agree with the culture or not, it is not my place to ignore or disrespect it and there are a few things I found very challenging to just accept. One guy was openly telling me how having sex with 14 year old boys was his thing, he loved young boys. If someone here in the UK said that I’d be horrified but, this isn’t unusual over there for consenting Philippines nationals though … I understand it’s a minefield of legal confusion! Either way, not my place as an Englishman to question a Filipino on what he can apparently do with another … my mind did go there on gay sex there but, that’s not the point. The reality is, as we say in England, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Effectively saying, we each should accustom ourselves to the expectations of the country we are in and not expect them to change for us. I also learned this in France where I asked a lovely lady a question in English and she said to me back (in French) that if I cannot be bothered to at least try and speak her language she cannot be bothered to answer my question and then made it clear, her English was perfect. I screwed up, I learnt a lesson!

What I think we need is to try and mix more. I’d love to learn Tagalog but, I won’t do it by those around me turning to each other and speaking it clearly excluding me. Please, for me to get to know you, speak to me in English and then, maybe help me with Tagalog. It feels very odd for me to have friends not speak to me in English in England. I am very grateful for any English I can get back in the Philippines but, of course, so many do speak English anyway.

My husband gets invited out by his Filipina friends and yet, we do not get invited as a couple. The only difference with me being, I am English but then, this is England so, should that be a problem? Ironically, he may well come home with many questions and ask me to help out, easier done first hand!

Never ever stop using your mother tongue, it’s important though, at the same time, out of courtesy, remember, it’s not a language anyone here is taught, we will not understand you. If we cannot understand you we cannot embrace you as we would like as ‘one of us’. I really want loads of friends from the Philippines, I want to or need to really embrace the culture but, until or unless I learn Tagalog, I need that friendship to be exclusively in English.

Gatherings, those too seem problematically to be predominantly Philippines affairs. Husbands and children of filipinas can go but, the expectation is that the entire thing will focus on recreating the Philippines in the UK. The majority language is Tagalog and, as can be seen on the faces of the mainly bored English guys there, unless they talk to each other, they’d rather be somewhere else. That’s not how to feel at home when abroad. Our home is the people around us, our family and our friends. Surrounding ourselves only with those who speak the same language cuts us off from some of the most amazing friends we could make locally. I know it’s not what I want to do if we retire to the Philippines as easy as it surely is. If I am living there and don’t have Filipino of Filipina friends then, I’ve failed and not just because they are the wives of foreign nationals but friends in their own right.

I’d love to perhaps go to a Philippines themed event here in the UK where all the food is from the Philippines (the recipes, not the actual food as that’s problematic). Let’s face it, British food is quite bland! Let’s have some Filipino songs, I’ve a few favourites myself. But let us embrace our cultures. Sure, ideally the evening would need to be in English, you cannot get us to get you if you shut us out by speaking a language we don’t understand. I’ve seen many British husband, they’ve just given up caring what goes on now. Just sit there looking at their watch drinking a beer unwrapping their cheese and pickle sandwiches. Being British, as many now are, needs to be embraced too. Never forgetting the Philippines but embracing how the two nations are now connected especially those with kids who are getting older who, maybe, are getting fed up with mum or dad constantly speaking in a language they cannot be bothered with because, all their mates speak English, all their TV and movies are English, they want and need their parents to ‘fit in’ when their mates come over.

Still many kids with parents who won’t speak English won’t invite their English friends over because it’s too embarrassing for them. I can remember way back when my kids were little trying to talk to a little German kid in bad German just so he felt OK playing with my kids. He was so excited I could and wanted to talk to him. MY German is rubbish now but back then it wasn’t too bad.

Can we just really try to thoroughly mix? I’ve got about a decade to speak passable Tagalog to equip me for life over there though, I am still undecided just now. Part of that is that I don’t like that me and Dennis will be instantly not a couple the moment we land, not a single legal connection between us. I’d just be a foreigner living in the Philippines. I am nowhere near coming to terms with that so really prey the law will change by then. The other being that my health isn’t so great and leaving the safety of the NHS worries me.

My heart wants to commit, my brain doesn’t.

For those who have been here, what did you think about the way we try to mix up all of our friends regardless of where they are from? We have a mix of foods, karaoke. We even had some heat though, to be honest, that’s always luck in the UK! Imagine if all those people here were just your friends as well as those who speak Tagalog? Wouldn’t that be great?

Personally, I am often getting bored at home during the day, I’d love to meet up, maybe have someone teach me some Tagalog? Have a laugh, who knows?

This is my blog, on here it is nearly always a long read, way more so than Facebook and, as it is ‘my’ blog, it doesn’t leave room for interjection or disagreement which I am more than open to. I am not always right, just sometimes and some of what I write is so easy to misread so, this isn’t conversation, please don’t take away lasting judgements unless we speak in person.

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Time Perception

With very little influence from me I was separated from the majority of my family in 1985-86. My Dad cheated on my mum, it got very complicated and I was convenient because I existed and was available. This is shortening a complex time in my life but that’s the basis of it. People took sides, I was stuck in the middle. Didn’t want to stay in touch with my Dad, we never really got on, wanted to support my mum but, mum wanted me to keep contact and it was my agreeing to that which made me the enemy to her side of the family. I should have stuck to my feelings and refuse but instead I did a few very uncomfortable visits to him and his, and I apologies for this but it’s how I always felt, his bitch. My feelings about him were no better.

Any chance I had of reconciliation was blown by said ‘bitch’. We invited family to our wedding in 1986 and they said they would come as long as ‘she’ wasn’t there. This was not a problem for me as I didn’t want her there either. I argued with my dad and told him, she’s not to be there and they agreed but, she made a point of standing by the door whilst I was inside. She arrived after I’d gone in and the first I knew something wasn’t right was when the relatives I knew were there were not in the church and that was my last chance to sort things. They, of course, presumed I’d asked her to stand at the door, no one had an interest in the truth.

To the point of this entry … the family from 1985-86 only knew the 23 year old me and I stayed that age, frozen in time. Indeed, though they met me at 23 most really only remembered me as a child and, this is by far the strongest memory they have.

I know I am not anything like my younger self. Back then I was heavily bullied living a confusing life of knowing I was gay but convinced that it was wrong so uncomfortably trying to be a person I could never be.

By 1995 I was totally out and became all the more so over the years and able to live my own life letting go of that confused and scared boy but yet, if I have spoken to any of them, that’s all they want to see. They do not want to get to know me as a 58 year old. If I try and point out the differences they feel the need to tell me that ‘they’ know what I am really like!

We might all be a bit better off if we reintroduce ourselves to each other after a period of time, get to know the people we are having travelled through a lifetime of experiences. Time itself should change our perception.