HWA

.. and what a bunch of readers you are too.

I hardly ate anything Christmas Eve, just not very hungry and now I am having trouble sleeping. It would be really good to say that this is because I can’t wait to see what Santa has brought me but, well, he’s giving me a miss this year.

No, my inability to sleep is two fold. A tummy that is not feeling very clever, loads of smelly farts (strange how we have to do a little smile even just reading the word ‘fart’) The other reason is sudden depression brought upon by the issue with Matt and the word ‘gay’ earlier. It may have been brought on by that but that was the last straw I think. So much uncertainty in my life right now is screwing me up. I am also very aware that this is the first Christmas when I am alone, not part of a pair and that is difficult. I am used to having someone, a crutch, someone that is there for me 24/7 if need be and is trying as hard as I am to achieve a happy relationship. Oh well, like I said, Santa isn’t coming this year … of course, that may just be the farting!

.. and what a bunch of readers you are too.

I hardly ate anything Christmas Eve, just not very hungry and now I am having trouble sleeping. It would be really good to say that this is because I can’t wait to see what Santa has brought me but, well, he’s giving me a miss this year.

No, my inability to sleep is two fold. A tummy that is not feeling very clever, loads of smelly farts (strange how we have to do a little smile even just reading the word ‘fart’) The other reason is sudden depression brought upon by the issue with Matt and the word ‘gay’ earlier. It may have been brought on by that but that was the last straw I think. So much uncertainty in my life right now is screwing me up. I am also very aware that this is the first Christmas when I am alone, not part of a pair and that is difficult. I am used to having someone, a crutch, someone that is there for me 24/7 if need be and is trying as hard as I am to achieve a happy relationship. Oh well, like I said, Santa isn’t coming this year … of course, that may just be the farting!

I picked Matt up from town earlier on my way back from Pete’s. He was telling me how he had a nice time and everything was fine. Then he mentioned that his friend Becky’s mum had invited this guy over to their place tomorrow because he was alone and her mum is that sort of person. That sounded quite sweet but then, as a passing thing he mentioned that Becky’s dad is homophobic and Becky said that she will have to stop saying ‘That is just gay’ because Simon was there and then Matt went on about other things but my mind was dwelling. So I asked Matt, how comes he didn’t challenged Becky about saying how gay something was. (Gay is said now in the context of something being weird or otherwise not right). He said that what she does in her own home is up to her and, besides, she doesn’t mean it offensively. Well, I took it offensively. It’s not like if she had said ‘That is so nigger’ it would have been OK, he admitted that, but saying ‘gay’ is OK.

Well, to me it isn’t so now I am angry as hell on Christmas Eve and can’t seem to find any way of calming down.

I picked Matt up from town earlier on my way back from Pete’s. He was telling me how he had a nice time and everything was fine. Then he mentioned that his friend Becky’s mum had invited this guy over to their place tomorrow because he was alone and her mum is that sort of person. That sounded quite sweet but then, as a passing thing he mentioned that Becky’s dad is homophobic and Becky said that she will have to stop saying ‘That is just gay’ because Simon was there and then Matt went on about other things but my mind was dwelling. So I asked Matt, how comes he didn’t challenged Becky about saying how gay something was. (Gay is said now in the context of something being weird or otherwise not right). He said that what she does in her own home is up to her and, besides, she doesn’t mean it offensively. Well, I took it offensively. It’s not like if she had said ‘That is so nigger’ it would have been OK, he admitted that, but saying ‘gay’ is OK.

Well, to me it isn’t so now I am angry as hell on Christmas Eve and can’t seem to find any way of calming down.