I am getting somewhat disillusioned with the net and my ability to find new soul mates upon it. Logically there are guys there for the finding but I just don’t seem to be pressing the right buttons just now.

My theory? It’s me, I really just want to be going down that route of cum and go as is commonplace. I guess I am a relationship kind of guy. There are a multitude of problems here that I need to talk to someone that will let it wash over them or offer to help out when they can. I know my friends will do that but it’s not the same as having a special someone. That and it is nice to hear regularly of the normal outside world beyond these four walls that I have been trapped behind for so long.

Now, I so need to get away and stay over at a friends house now and then but, and here is the bit that makes perfect sense to me but maybe only me, I want to be invited. Sure I can just call and say I am bored and I want to come over and they may say yes but that is not the same as them wanting me to be there. I need, right now, to be wanted as a friend and not just have guys feel sorry for me.

Of course I know there is Robin, he’s lovely, love him to bits but I need to have other friends. With Robin and I, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, it feels like two lost souls looking out for each other because no other bugger can be arsed. It’s great to have someone like that but not the same as guys that genuinely think to themselves, when they have a choice of what to do, let’s ask Steve over for the weekend.

Yesterday I was debating whether or not I was depressed and, totally honestly, no, I’m not. I am very lonely but that isn’t the same thing at all. Being a single parent and a single gay parent is really tough. I don’t know other straight parents and I don’t know of any gay guys right now that really want to get to know a gay dad. The thought of that persisting for another decade or so I can see is something that well and truly could lead me to depression big time.

Right now, I don’t think I can resolve this feeling, it is something that needs to come from outside, so, until then, I shall keep plodding along trying to spread my little bit of cheeriness to others.