Today was the important meeting with the health department to discuss an assessment for Jermaine at Hargrave House in Rushden.

I was called last week to be told that Jermaine would go in this Monday (yesterday) that was then corrected to say, probably Wednesday and altered again today to say defiantly Monday but that I had to get him there. OK, not a problem.

During this meeting we discover that he is definitely going to be there for at least 28 days but possibly less. He would not go back to school for 2 weeks and after that we have another meeting to discuss exactly how long he is in there for; they may even section him to comply with the mental health act requirements on restraint and evasive treatment. In order to know if they have to do that or not they have to do a mental capacity assessment, basically to find out if he is capable of understanding and, as a result, give informed consent to anything.

What I expect to get out of this is a bit of paper that says “Hey, his dad was right all along” and if I don’t get anything else, that will be invaluable.

It won’t give me any more support within the health environment because health simply does not cater for carers but only clients. To them, as long as Jermaine’s needs are met they are fulfilling their remit.

How do I feel? Well, depressed in many ways, not least because long term this doesn’t really offer much. Even with that letter describing Jermaine in great detail, no one shall feel obligated to do any more than they are currently doing.

On this, which is the week I was meant to have respite, social services have offered two four hour sessions at home from 10-2pm. I suggested to the social worker earlier that she may want to consider including a third day in that equation and she said she would mention it but I doubt very much she will. The carers tomorrow will have little or no idea about Jermaine so any hope I have of getting away in the first hour seem remote and then I expect they may well call me several times to find out what they are supposed to do. I really don’t expect any sort of break. By an amazing piece of management, I will no doubt get different carers on Friday and have to go through it all again!

I am still feeling very lonely and forgotten here, seems all my friends are busy with their own lives, and that’s fine, but all the same, it’s tough here and I am really not as emotionally strong and able to cope as most seem to have some strange idea that I am, not a day goes past when I don’t ask myself if it is all worth it?