I have been feeling a little exhausted the past few days. Still not miserable but just mentally tired.

Sometimes I get to feeling really lonely, I guess lots of single people do on the build up to Christmas. It dawned on me the other day that this year will be the first ever without another adult in the house. The kids are great, of course they are but, well, anyone that has been feeling like this will understand.

I have just been watching Children in Need on the BBC. There was this girl on there who looks after her older sister who has developmental problems and Epilepsy and they were saying what a great job she was doing and she was. But whilst I was watching it I was thinking about Matt and what he has to cope with and he gets no support at all, I just really expect him to get on with it and no one outside the family really seems too bothered. He is amazing really, I am so terribly proud of him. Anyway, I was crying my eyes out thinking about it wishing there was something I could do but, there isn’t really much I can do.

Tomorrow I shall be going out to meet the guys from Kagoul, really looking forward to meeting up with Martyn again, he is the closest person I have there to a long term friend. Since Tony went I have felt terribly lonely going to events. As much as he had many annoying habits I do so miss him.

Staying with David & Greg right now but they are out so I have just been chillin’ and crying and feel terribly homesick. Since Jermaine was given more outside care I have really been enjoying just being around the kids and suddenly I miss it.