I can’t mention the thrilling subject of DVD’s in the title without letting everyone on the planet, nay, in the known universe know what I am on about … bugger it, too much of a lead in there and now I don’t have anything to match up to the introduction.

I backed some stuff up on DVD, that’s as exciting as it gets.

Robin’s has gone off to the USA, he should be there by now about to board the plane for the final leg of his journey, boy I wish I was there. I was so certain at the start of the year I was going and had I not done that holiday with Martyn I’d probably have committed myself to it as well but afterwards the figures just didn’t add up. One thing I hate doing is building myself up for something, especially a holiday, and then having to come down again.

Our plan to go in 2009 is bold, if I am honest I can’t see it happening, it’s a pipe dream.

Whilst I don’t know what, I do know that something significant is going to happen between now and then, something that is going to make me have to look at life differently. I am hoping it is something good but suspect it isn’t. Indeed, the feeling is more one of coming to an end of an era in my life.

I feel I have stagnated, become complacent and just plain tired with the way things are. I could go on as I am if I know for a fact nothing had to change but I hate waiting for the change to happen to me, I want to or need to make it happen on my terms.

It seems very unlikely Deej has any intention of getting a job; he has shown no signs of wanting to be employed at all. I know that I am not a 24/7 kind of guy, I need my own space. Each day I need an hour or two to myself uninterrupted by anyone no matter how strong my feelings are for them and right now, I am not getting that and it is driving me a little mad. I have considered getting a job myself, am still doing so very much so but if I do, that still means the only ‘me’ time I get is maybe on a lunch break so it isn’t going to cut it to solve my problem. Probably what I need to be is more firm with Deej, tell him without question that he has to leave me alone for an hour or so without him taking that as rejection … is that just mean?

Since we met back in July it would be near impossible to add up even a 24 period (in total) that we have been apart and that just doesn’t say healthy to me. It says that if we don’t start to cool it a little we will burn out. Not that there are any signs of that as yet but I am also aware that this has been the longest period in recent times during which I have seen so few friends and as I value them so much, that’s a little tough for me.

Tomorrow I do plan on having the afternoon to myself. I have said I’d go visit Elaine to examine her PC’s and see what I can sort out in the evening but I also just want to grab some time for me as well. So, I don’t know what Deej is going to do but that’s me. Part of my problem is still having just a tiny bit of mistrust for him. He is just so naïve. He really believes that guys on Gaydar that say they just want to be friends mean that’s what they want. He also has a really high sex drive and I just know he’d find it really difficult to resist a good cam session should someone ask, that nearly broke us up in the early weeks. I just have to hope he has learnt that he cannot do that any more, he doesn’t have that freedom. Even months later it is still raw to me.

For next year it seems we have James coming with us. Jonny is so far still not giving an answer so it could be that I will have to just pay up as it stands and maybe make amendments later. I am told that James can pay me over the next three weeks, maybe four but that’s not quick enough to prevent me having to borrow quite a lot from my overdraft and I am going to resist the temptation to draw on Jermaine’s money. I see it as my responsibility to ensure he gets every penny of that.

It’s too hot in here – random statement of fact there

Torchwood, the new spinoff from Dr Who is sadly living up to my expectations. Bad acting, poor stories. It’s meant to be an adult programme loosely based on Dr Who but with its own identity and it falls short. We have cybermen (or women in this case) by episode 2. This elite force seems to be made up of a bunch or weirdos with emotional baggage they can’t seal with and none of them with much acting experience beyond possibly a bit part on ‘The Bill’ assuming they managed that much. I shall not be watching any more, it just doesn’t do anything to keep this adult mind interested.

I am sensing the need for a weekend escape somewhere.