When I was a child I was all but ignored, my views existed but were not important in the adult world and other kids soon forgot what I had to say.
In my teens I thought I knew enough about everything to state my mind with mature abandon. Adults ignored me or agreed I was an irritation. Those or my age group valued my opinion and did what they wanted to do anyway. Those younger than me thought I knew everything. Which ever they thought, I was sure I must be right because my heart told me so.
Now in my 40’s young kids think I am a different species, teenagers know everything so what I have to say is just annoying. Those my own age listen to me as do those older … the scary thing is … my views are still what my heart tells me is right. I have no more idea if it is right or wrong now than I did when I was 7 yet the power of my age makes it right because I said so.
Realising this is one scary thing. It means I have responsibility to think more, to analyse my thoughts and sometimes over ride my heart.
Looking back there is an age I did not mention, my 20’s. It was a time when adults accepted me as an adult, where kids looked up at me as still a human but something more. My views were taken or left, I didn’t have the responsibility of age.
Why is it we only ever notice the good times when they have gone?
On an unrelated note … I am so glad I bought a 500GB drive for Jermaine as 325GB have gone already!
My feelings are all over the place. I think I am really happy because I cannot think of a good reason not to be. But, I also feel I need a good cry. It’s kind of like that pre Christmas feeling when something is about to happen, it should be good but we are not quite sure and we don’t know whether to get all excited and go with the flow or hold back so as not to have too much of a drop if it all goes pear shaped.
One constant bug is Matt. Not one day goes past when he doesn’t say or do something which truly upsets me. I don’t trust him, I know he tells me lies. I always feel he knows already the next stab in the back he has lined up for me but I just cannot work it out quick enough to stop it happening.
This walking lark is getting me confused. Went out earlier to pick up a prescription and my ankles were in agony. Walking back and I felt totally OK. Surely that should be the other way around?