For reasons I don’t quite understand I am feeling very low at the moment. I am sure it is no one thing causing this but many smaller things. I do have stuff going on in my life at the moment but cannot resolve any of them, they all need time which means that whilst I am giving them that time I have a host of other things which remain unresolved.
One thing for sure is that I can’t grasp any happiness right now. I can see it there for the taking and know it should make me happy but it just isn’t registering. Every little bit of negativity is taking hold of me.
I need space to get my brain in gear and sort myself out but I don’t have anywhere or, frankly, the money to create anywhere right now. With three very needy people at home I am never allowed time to myself except very late at night and that compounds the issue because going to bed at post 3am is not healthy. My feeling is that I am drained, exhausted. All I really want to do is sleep and that says depression to me.
The thing is, it’s jumped up on me and I have caught it too late to stave it off. I just cannot seem to shake this one. I am not suicidal or anything like that just also not happy. I am not unhappy with any one person, group of people or anything like that, I am just not coping right now.
So, if someone reading this has some suggestions of where I may go or what I might do, I’d like to hear it … well, possibly I might. I guess I don’t know that I would because part of the issue is always going to be me not being in control!