Some may think my current thinking is a little ‘screwy’ to say the least.

On the face of it I am seemingly doing a total u-turn on previous decisions. Thing is, as a parent and as a person, I am always learning and adapting and, more often than not, playing catch up.

As I see it, difficult and, frankly, humiliating as it is, I or, ‘we’ as Deej too is in on this, have to do what is right by our kids. Right now, Daisy being vulnerable is not healthy for her or the baby. She needs to feel safe and secure. I’ll be honest, we were not expecting that our offer would be accepted. We are glad that it has been but are also afraid that the agreement is not 100%. You see, it needs to be 100% else it cannot work. Either both Daisy and James are committed to his living here until they are ready or it will fail. There cannot, as far as I can see, be any compromises on it. The time for compromise is over. Now they need to make a decision and stick to it like their future depends on it, as, indeed, it does.

Trust though, I mean, that’s what this is all about and, I have to be honest, I cannot yet trust. I am preparing myself for the possibility that once again I shall have a mess to sort out.

Doing the right thing does seem, to date anyway, to be very one sided.

We are doing this in the hope that Daisy will not get hurt again. In the hope that, if the shit hits the fan again, she is safe and with people who love her.

My apologies for not elaborating, I don’t feel this is an appropriate place for such things.

Personally I am doing my best but, have to admit, I am making it up as I go along. Emotionally I am finding it very tough going. We are offering a concession here greater than most have any right to expect or hope for. We feel though that what we have done and what we are doing is not appreciated, that it is expected and could well be dismissed as the desperate offerings of some stupid, gullible, men. Seriously curtailing out own happiness for that of anyone who shows no gratitude, love or respect it painfully difficult. It could be a communication thing, it is impossible to tell. All I know for a fact is that this is a scary place. When I should be able to protect my kids I feel helpless.

On another note … all the wedding invites went out today. My apologies if we forgot anyone, we don’t mean to, it would be fair to say we have been somewhat distracted of late.