A Better Day

Much of today was spent on the phone getting legal advice about the future, about residency and access, that sort of thing. If we are lucky, it should all be sorted by March and we can all get back to normal. Shame it takes so long to process but there has to be the solicitors writing letters, the caffcass people doing their assessments for the court, all the history to go into, interviews … hell, loads of stuff which was totally avoidable but which now, we just have to get on with.

Not a lot shall be happening this side of Christmas so at least we can make plans knowing for sure now who is involved and, probably more important, who isn’t.

What we are doing now is probably what we should have done back in May or whenever it was that Daisy split from James, leaving it to the experts. Daisy will have her legal team and James will have whoever he has. We’ll go to the social services meeting but Daisy’s actions will be governed by her lawyer not anything that James, social services or anyone except a court judgement may want. It’s a shame to have to go that route in so many ways but … James chose not to work with us but against us, we just carried on being generous like we have been just about most of the time he has known us despite some of the most awful treatment from him.

I don’t know why he has chosen this way of working, and, you know what, I really don’t care any longer. I did for a year, I really did care but, everyone has to reach that point where enough is enough and I finally got there. How things will pan out in the future I don’t know, I can’t imagine, feeling as I do right at this moment, he’ll ever be able to earn any sort of respect from any of us in this family.

What I shall not do is ever tell his son the negatives about him. I don’t think that serves a purpose in any way unless there happens to be a safety aspect. But, as things stand, I shall try and find the good in James to share with Josh. I have to be honest, as I feel now, that’s going to be difficult but, thankfully, I have plenty of time to come up with something. If I stick to home movies and holidays, maybe that will do. Maybe James himself will share his current thinking with Josh when he’s old enough. I just so hope he matures enough not to tell Josh stuff he doesn’t need to know in an attempt to point score or create bad feeling. This isn’t about me, James or Daisy, it’s about Josh 100%. It’s about allowing him to have as happy a life as it is possible to have. Any one of us slagging off someone else is going to cause all sort of emotional damage to him, it has to be avoided. On the plus side, he’s incredibly young right now, there are a few years yet for people to calm down and work out what is important, for him.

One thing to 100% make clear here is … I am not driving this. I am supporting most certainly but I would support equally whether Daisy chose to go to court or have another friendly chat with James, it is entirely her decision. I hate it when I am accused of controlling Daisy. She’s a mum and quite capable of making decisions. At worst I try to present all her options exactly as I did when I was first told about the pregnancy.

On another note but loosely connected … I am starting to seriously think about Christmas. But, with all the cost of grandchildren to consider the latter part of this year, Christmas 2009 is going to be very trimmed indeed. No one will be getting gifts of the three figure variety, I really just can’t do that and keep the plans we have for next year as well.

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