Year: 2009

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Being a Graddad

Josh
It is very difficult to describe becoming a grandparent. In some ways, not a lot different to becoming a parent except, the pressure to prove is not there. The fear isn’t there … OK, not true. Many of the same fears are there, the health issues, cot death to name but some. What isn’t there is the fear of whether I will know what to do or not, I just do and, if I am not totally right or, even, quite off the mark about it, I don’t panic because I do know when to worry, and when not to.
By the time our kids have kids there is little point worrying too much whether we did a good enough job or not as parents, we already know that and it’s way too late to change anything now anyway. In my case, no, I know I didn’t do a good enough job. I am not sure, had I recognised when I was going wrong, I could have changed anything, I really just don’t know. Should it have been obvious to me that the rosy image I had of my family was not quite so rosy? Well, yes, it should. I should have known that this ideal life they had at school with them being popular and near celebrities because of my sexuality had to be fake. I just so wanted to save myself that feeling of guilt so I brushed that aside all too often when I should have been checking. Because they felt bullied and neglected, (that neglect I cannot really accept blame for, circumstances were extremely difficult with Jermaine), they sought a better lifestyle away from the home and accepted what was on offer which led them, Matt and Daisy, down a path they ought not have taken. By the time I realised, there was little I could do but damage limitation.
Hopefully, both are now OK … I say ‘hopefully’ because, like any parent, we really only know what they let on and tell us.
Daisy is an amazing mum, I know Matt will be just as amazing as a dad. Kids, never assume anything, if there are any doubts at all in your minds whether your babies are doing OK, don’t stop until you know for sure.
We know Daisy is going to go through a difficult next few months dealing with yet another mess caused by James. Please, let this legal action be the last time he screws with this family and be the start of him growing up and making some sort of attempt at honesty and getting along. Matt, I know, is going to find life a total struggle with money … son, don’t borrow out of financial trouble, it always makes it worse. If it means one of you has to work more than you would like then that’s what you have to do. You know you have me and Deej and Anne’s family too who will support you as much as we can and, as grandparents, I am sure both sides will be more than happy to babysit.
I love being a granddad … yes, I do get ever so annoyed, slightly flattered, but mainly annoyed, when people come up to me and tell me how lovely they are at this age and how ‘I’ have the difficult times to come. People, I am not the dad! Maybe I need to put the weight on again and get my hair grey or something?
Earlier, we were talking about Christmas and I was thinking what I may like for Christmas … two grandchildren, what could be better? (If anyone says 3, I shall be very cross indeed!)
Posted on

Being a Graddad

Josh
It is very difficult to describe becoming a grandparent. In some ways, not a lot different to becoming a parent except, the pressure to prove is not there. The fear isn’t there … OK, not true. Many of the same fears are there, the health issues, cot death to name but some. What isn’t there is the fear of whether I will know what to do or not, I just do and, if I am not totally right or, even, quite off the mark about it, I don’t panic because I do know when to worry, and when not to.
By the time our kids have kids there is little point worrying too much whether we did a good enough job or not as parents, we already know that and it’s way too late to change anything now anyway. In my case, no, I know I didn’t do a good enough job. I am not sure, had I recognised when I was going wrong, I could have changed anything, I really just don’t know. Should it have been obvious to me that the rosy image I had of my family was not quite so rosy? Well, yes, it should. I should have known that this ideal life they had at school with them being popular and near celebrities because of my sexuality had to be fake. I just so wanted to save myself that feeling of guilt so I brushed that aside all too often when I should have been checking. Because they felt bullied and neglected, (that neglect I cannot really accept blame for, circumstances were extremely difficult with Jermaine), they sought a better lifestyle away from the home and accepted what was on offer which led them, Matt and Daisy, down a path they ought not have taken. By the time I realised, there was little I could do but damage limitation.
Hopefully, both are now OK … I say ‘hopefully’ because, like any parent, we really only know what they let on and tell us.
Daisy is an amazing mum, I know Matt will be just as amazing as a dad. Kids, never assume anything, if there are any doubts at all in your minds whether your babies are doing OK, don’t stop until you know for sure.
We know Daisy is going to go through a difficult next few months dealing with yet another mess caused by James. Please, let this legal action be the last time he screws with this family and be the start of him growing up and making some sort of attempt at honesty and getting along. Matt, I know, is going to find life a total struggle with money … son, don’t borrow out of financial trouble, it always makes it worse. If it means one of you has to work more than you would like then that’s what you have to do. You know you have me and Deej and Anne’s family too who will support you as much as we can and, as grandparents, I am sure both sides will be more than happy to babysit.
I love being a granddad … yes, I do get ever so annoyed, slightly flattered, but mainly annoyed, when people come up to me and tell me how lovely they are at this age and how ‘I’ have the difficult times to come. People, I am not the dad! Maybe I need to put the weight on again and get my hair grey or something?
Earlier, we were talking about Christmas and I was thinking what I may like for Christmas … two grandchildren, what could be better? (If anyone says 3, I shall be very cross indeed!)
Posted on

Seeing things differently

Someone said to me recently, actually, ‘someone’ would be James Davies. That I did nothing for him, didn’t try to help him in any way, am just a prick.

Well, since he walked out on this family and his son I have had a chance to recall some of the things I ‘did’ do for him even though many, I am sorry to say, were misguided and based upon his lies.

  • Because he said he was in trouble and had no where else to go, I drove 260 miles down to Folkestone to pick him up.
  • I brought him into my home, I fed him, clothed him and loved him as a member of this family
  • I paid for him to go on holiday with us to France
  • I bought him his glasses
  • I allowed him to repay me some of what he owed by effectively NOT paying me any rent for several weeks, in short, he never repaid me at all.
  • When he was ill I sat with him day and night
  • I took him to the hospital with his panic attacks
  • I drove him to visit his mother in Folkestone more than once
  • I moved our office not once but twice costing me money each time
  • I dealt with aggravation from his family and abuse at times
  • I really did try everything I could to mediate between him and Daisy
  • I adjusted my own values to allow him virtually free say in my home.
  • I was there at his flat when he said he was ill
  • I spent ages trying to negotiate with his parents when he said he wanted to marry my daughter
  • I allowed him the luxury of options when they told me they were expecting a baby
  • I taught him to cook, to generally look after a home
  • I didn’t kill him or punish him when he damaged my new car
  • I went against my entire family because I was trying to help him be a better person
  • I put in a complaint to social services because of the way I think they mishandled his case
  • I visited his grandparents with him
  • I negotiated so that he could be practically all the way through the birth of Josh and arranged things so he could have his name on Josh’s birth certificate
  • I still supported him after his father barged into my house on my birthday this year threatening me in James name … Mr £40!
  • I have loaned him money countless time and no, I don’t get it back.
  • I have made myself ill with worry over him
  • I drove him to college when he said he was too ill, I was not to know he just didn’t want to go.
  • I helped him with a CV, not once but twice
  • I helped him look for a job
  • I collected him from all over the place, even recently from his girlfriends house
  • When he called very late at night from Emily’s, I was there for him

Oh, I could go on, I can’t be though because, with James, he doesn’t care. It simply doesn’t matter what the truth is because, it would seem, to him life is all one big lie. Because he lies to get what he wants then he seems to presume that everyone else is a liar too, that no one can be doing anything just because they care.

Well, I did and still do care greatly but, with what he has now done, my hands are tied, I cannot do any more without going that bit too far with the rest of the family and I am not prepared to do that especially knowing, as I do from bitter experience, that James will just throw it all back in my face. He will use the excuse that he didn’t ask me to do anything for him (actually he did. several times). That I did nothing for him, I am a dick-head and a prick, that I am shit under his Adios.

Where we go from here I don’t really know. All I can really do now is to continue to support those people who value my support and my love. The most annoying thing is, if a similar situation arose again, I’d probably do all the same things. It is not fair on others to allow James actions to change me as a person.

James said I am a control freak. There is some truth in that. I don’t dictate though. I have ideas and, quite often, those ideas make sense so people follow them. That may give the impression I am controlling everything. It’s really not the same thing. The only area where I am controlling is in my need to have my home a safe space for everyone. Those living here and guests are expected to behave in a respectful manner and not be prejudiced against anyone else. I don’t like hats worn in the house, it makes me feel as though that person feels uncomfortable here and, I have it in my head it is disrespectful. I dislike gum, it smells and I find trying to talk to someone chewing is off putting. I am cool with anyone wandering around the house in their underwear if they are sleeping here yet, strangely, I don’t much like people not quite wearing their clothes such as ‘sagging’. I expect those who lives here to pull their weight according to their abilities. That teaches everyone how to live with others and not take the piss by being a lazy git who sits on their arse all day whilst those around them keep things clean and tidy, provide food and drink and generally contributes.

James also said I am a money grabber … there is zero truth in that, it is classic transference. I have never owed James anything, he has owed me loads (and still does). I have always been generous to him and paid out for him way more than he ever contributed financially to this household. It should be remembered, James was a stranger to me prior to October 2008, I didn’t owe him anything. There is simply no evidence to support any claim I am a money grabber. If there is a confusion it is in this … if I loan someone money, I do expect, at some point when it is obvious they can do so, that they repay me. This is ‘my’ money, I am not grabbing anything from them just trying to teach that it is very bad form to borrow with no intent to repay.

I’d love to know what other rubbish James spoke about anyone else here. With the amount of lies, no doubt many would love to know some of the lies he’s said about them too!

When I was critical of the guys in Newton some time ago, who do you think told me what I thought I knew?

Back then I was still living in hope that James told me the truth at all, now I just have no idea what was true and what wasn’t. It is the old story of the girl who cried wolf who was ultimately eaten by wolves … keep lying about something often enough and, eventually, we just stop believing anything. I cannot help anyone who lies to me, there are just too many variables. Perhaps if more people were open and honest about what is really true, life would be so much easier!

Posted on

Seeing things differently

Someone said to me recently, actually, ‘someone’ would be James Davies. That I did nothing for him, didn’t try to help him in any way, am just a prick.

Well, since he walked out on this family and his son I have had a chance to recall some of the things I ‘did’ do for him even though many, I am sorry to say, were misguided and based upon his lies.

  • Because he said he was in trouble and had no where else to go, I drove 260 miles down to Folkestone to pick him up.
  • I brought him into my home, I fed him, clothed him and loved him as a member of this family
  • I paid for him to go on holiday with us to France
  • I bought him his glasses
  • I allowed him to repay me some of what he owed by effectively NOT paying me any rent for several weeks, in short, he never repaid me at all.
  • When he was ill I sat with him day and night
  • I took him to the hospital with his panic attacks
  • I drove him to visit his mother in Folkestone more than once
  • I moved our office not once but twice costing me money each time
  • I dealt with aggravation from his family and abuse at times
  • I really did try everything I could to mediate between him and Daisy
  • I adjusted my own values to allow him virtually free say in my home.
  • I was there at his flat when he said he was ill
  • I spent ages trying to negotiate with his parents when he said he wanted to marry my daughter
  • I allowed him the luxury of options when they told me they were expecting a baby
  • I taught him to cook, to generally look after a home
  • I didn’t kill him or punish him when he damaged my new car
  • I went against my entire family because I was trying to help him be a better person
  • I put in a complaint to social services because of the way I think they mishandled his case
  • I visited his grandparents with him
  • I negotiated so that he could be practically all the way through the birth of Josh and arranged things so he could have his name on Josh’s birth certificate
  • I still supported him after his father barged into my house on my birthday this year threatening me in James name … Mr £40!
  • I have loaned him money countless time and no, I don’t get it back.
  • I have made myself ill with worry over him
  • I drove him to college when he said he was too ill, I was not to know he just didn’t want to go.
  • I helped him with a CV, not once but twice
  • I helped him look for a job
  • I collected him from all over the place, even recently from his girlfriends house
  • When he called very late at night from Emily’s, I was there for him

Oh, I could go on, I can’t be though because, with James, he doesn’t care. It simply doesn’t matter what the truth is because, it would seem, to him life is all one big lie. Because he lies to get what he wants then he seems to presume that everyone else is a liar too, that no one can be doing anything just because they care.

Well, I did and still do care greatly but, with what he has now done, my hands are tied, I cannot do any more without going that bit too far with the rest of the family and I am not prepared to do that especially knowing, as I do from bitter experience, that James will just throw it all back in my face. He will use the excuse that he didn’t ask me to do anything for him (actually he did. several times). That I did nothing for him, I am a dick-head and a prick, that I am shit under his Adios.

Where we go from here I don’t really know. All I can really do now is to continue to support those people who value my support and my love. The most annoying thing is, if a similar situation arose again, I’d probably do all the same things. It is not fair on others to allow James actions to change me as a person.

James said I am a control freak. There is some truth in that. I don’t dictate though. I have ideas and, quite often, those ideas make sense so people follow them. That may give the impression I am controlling everything. It’s really not the same thing. The only area where I am controlling is in my need to have my home a safe space for everyone. Those living here and guests are expected to behave in a respectful manner and not be prejudiced against anyone else. I don’t like hats worn in the house, it makes me feel as though that person feels uncomfortable here and, I have it in my head it is disrespectful. I dislike gum, it smells and I find trying to talk to someone chewing is off putting. I am cool with anyone wandering around the house in their underwear if they are sleeping here yet, strangely, I don’t much like people not quite wearing their clothes such as ‘sagging’. I expect those who lives here to pull their weight according to their abilities. That teaches everyone how to live with others and not take the piss by being a lazy git who sits on their arse all day whilst those around them keep things clean and tidy, provide food and drink and generally contributes.

James also said I am a money grabber … there is zero truth in that, it is classic transference. I have never owed James anything, he has owed me loads (and still does). I have always been generous to him and paid out for him way more than he ever contributed financially to this household. It should be remembered, James was a stranger to me prior to October 2008, I didn’t owe him anything. There is simply no evidence to support any claim I am a money grabber. If there is a confusion it is in this … if I loan someone money, I do expect, at some point when it is obvious they can do so, that they repay me. This is ‘my’ money, I am not grabbing anything from them just trying to teach that it is very bad form to borrow with no intent to repay.

I’d love to know what other rubbish James spoke about anyone else here. With the amount of lies, no doubt many would love to know some of the lies he’s said about them too!

When I was critical of the guys in Newton some time ago, who do you think told me what I thought I knew?

Back then I was still living in hope that James told me the truth at all, now I just have no idea what was true and what wasn’t. It is the old story of the girl who cried wolf who was ultimately eaten by wolves … keep lying about something often enough and, eventually, we just stop believing anything. I cannot help anyone who lies to me, there are just too many variables. Perhaps if more people were open and honest about what is really true, life would be so much easier!