Josh

It is very difficult to describe becoming a grandparent. In some ways, not a lot different to becoming a parent except, the pressure to prove is not there. The fear isn’t there … OK, not true. Many of the same fears are there, the health issues, cot death to name but some. What isn’t there is the fear of whether I will know what to do or not, I just do and, if I am not totally right or, even, quite off the mark about it, I don’t panic because I do know when to worry, and when not to.

By the time our kids have kids there is little point worrying too much whether we did a good enough job or not as parents, we already know that and it’s way too late to change anything now anyway. In my case, no, I know I didn’t do a good enough job. I am not sure, had I recognised when I was going wrong, I could have changed anything, I really just don’t know. Should it have been obvious to me that the rosy image I had of my family was not quite so rosy? Well, yes, it should. I should have known that this ideal life they had at school with them being popular and near celebrities because of my sexuality had to be fake. I just so wanted to save myself that feeling of guilt so I brushed that aside all too often when I should have been checking. Because they felt bullied and neglected, (that neglect I cannot really accept blame for, circumstances were extremely difficult with Jermaine), they sought a better lifestyle away from the home and accepted what was on offer which led them, Matt and Daisy, down a path they ought not have taken. By the time I realised, there was little I could do but damage limitation.

Hopefully, both are now OK … I say ‘hopefully’ because, like any parent, we really only know what they let on and tell us.

Daisy is an amazing mum, I know Matt will be just as amazing as a dad. Kids, never assume anything, if there are any doubts at all in your minds whether your babies are doing OK, don’t stop until you know for sure.

We know Daisy is going to go through a difficult next few months dealing with yet another mess caused by James. Please, let this legal action be the last time he screws with this family and be the start of him growing up and making some sort of attempt at honesty and getting along. Matt, I know, is going to find life a total struggle with money … son, don’t borrow out of financial trouble, it always makes it worse. If it means one of you has to work more than you would like then that’s what you have to do. You know you have me and Deej and Anne’s family too who will support you as much as we can and, as grandparents, I am sure both sides will be more than happy to babysit.

I love being a granddad … yes, I do get ever so annoyed, slightly flattered, but mainly annoyed, when people come up to me and tell me how lovely they are at this age and how ‘I’ have the difficult times to come. People, I am not the dad! Maybe I need to put the weight on again and get my hair grey or something?

Earlier, we were talking about Christmas and I was thinking what I may like for Christmas … two grandchildren, what could be better? (If anyone says 3, I shall be very cross indeed!)