I think, just maybe …

One last chance for the one who feels the need to blame me for everything and swear at me and I really do mean … just the ONE last chance. I don’t want or need it, I have very little to gain from helping out in any way and, it may be better for most concerned, for all I know, if I just stepped away and allowed others to do what they are just gonna do, see what happens.

 

Got the chance for some quality time with Deej earlier, enjoyed that … about time too.

 

You know what, I actually said a big fat no to someone too … someone asked me to do them a favour and I thought, you know what, this is my time and Deej’s time. I already help enough people, this is one too many. I am looking to shed trouble, not add to it so, I quite coldly just said, sorry, can’t do that for you, I have things I want to do for me instead. Now, how about that then? Can anyone remember the last time I did that and it really felt good too.

 

Has everyone seen the latest video of Josh yet?

 

 

There you go, all in the blog just in case you missed it …. He’s changed so much, has even started a proper little giggle now.

 

Got to see Immy earlier but missed out on a hold, no matter, they are over here Saturday.

 

Tomorrow, well, technically today, is Jermaine’s 23rd birthday, how can that be possible? It seems hardly any time at all since the day he was born which I still remember very clearly. I’d got so used to false alarms over the preceding two weeks, when I met Kris (Lorna as she was then) at her mums shop and she said she was in labour, I wasn’t phased at all. Even when we got to the hospital around 6pm I didn’t think anything was going to happen. But, sure enough it did and he was born just before midnight. He was a long one alright. We used to lay him on a pillow to feed him and he was longer than that so this gives some idea! He was lovely though, a beautiful little baby.

He was OK until about 11 months, around the time the picture was taken with his Great-Nan there. After that he just seemed to go backwards. He still sort of progressed but it was probably about one month development each year. He may have got to somewhere approaching a three-year-old at one point but has gone backward these past few years and is now only functioning at around 18 months to 2 years. He has several seizures each week and requires 4 injections a day for his type 1 diabetes.

 

It is such a horrible feeling of loss. I remember a much happier little boy. Even when he was 8 or 9 he was fun to be with and was able to play simple games. Since the diabetes kicked off when he was around 12, everything changed. He can be really violent and verbally abusive now. Communication is really difficult and he shows little appreciation for much in life. I don’t know, not really, if he likes his life at all or if he comprehends what it means to enjoy life.

I shall always love him, I’ll never see him without seeing that adorable little boy and remembering the person he was. Part of it is still there somewhere. Now and then we get a little glimpse of it. Love you to bits Jermaine.

Have not used the above feature before, hope it works

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