Yes folks, for one day only, we are off out of Northampton! We are trekking across the mountains to Milton Keynes (no less) … I know, I hear your excitement at it all.

Thing is, if Starbucks won’t come to me then I shall have to go to it.

Daisy is not very well bless her. I think it’s just a posture thing affecting her back but, better to be safe than sorry she’s off to the doctor tomorrow.

Missing Matt … strange seeing as I’d probably not have seen him anyway but it helps knowing he’s just around the corner, hoping Anne is coping OK on her own even though I am sure she has loads of support from her mum, sister etc.

Sorry, James bit again, skip to the end of this bit if not interested

I hate that there is going to be a legal case about Josh. Yes, it makes sense for Daisy to have residency. Effectively she has it already by virtue of how long she’s been the primary carer but, even so. The frustrating bit is the issue of contact with James. Every time I see a first for Josh I just can’t work out why James would mess with the deal he was offered to replace it with what a court may decide (which will be hardly anything) … he’s got just a few short weeks to make the most important decision of his life. Be an important part of Josh’s life or be one of those dads who takes their kids to McDonalds once a fortnight if they are lucky on their two hour contact session. True, he may get more than that but, why gamble with it? Whatever a court may decide just will not be anything close to what he will want. Right now he has virtually unlimited access which he’s been told will get even better over time. All he has to do for that right now is consistently turn up and spend a tiny fraction of the money he has, less than the cost of a second hand two year old xbox game!

• Pack of nappies – £6
• Baby Wipes – 50p or so
• Nappy Sacks – About £1
• Baby mild – £7

That’s about £14 yet, so far he’s not got the money, he can’t manage it for whatever reason.

I am not having a dig here, I am desperate for James to realise how little he has to do to see Josh. The other rule … be here by 10am unless there is a really good reason not to be. Any other parent would be getting up with the child and 10am would be one hell of a lay in with a 5 month old. Daisy and Sean are woken around 7am.

Stay here for three hours each week day … that just three hours. Me and Deej as grandparents look after Josh for at least 7 hours every day.

Any other rules? no.

Obviously, if James gets a job then those will be altered to ensure he’ll still have good contact.

It’s about giving something up, it is what all parents have to do and why should James expect any less?

What point is there in saying to James, ‘turn up when you want, never pay for anything, go when you like, cancel when you like’ … that is not what being a dad is like. It’s about ‘wanting’ to be there for your child and not allowing everything else to get in the way. Friends and family take a back seat, they have to. Yes, along the way that’ll mean being just a little bit less cool, a little less available and popular but, those friends won’t stick around anyway. Isn’t it better to lose a few so called mates now and have a son for life than lose the son, lose the friends and be angry the rest of life?

I don’t know what it is that is stopping James, I really totally wish I did. Maybe if I understood it I could help, we could, all of us together, work something out.

When relationships fail we have to make do with what is left, we can’t go back or dwell on what could or should have been. Our future, as I see it, is unwritten and it is what we do from now on that will make it go one way or another not what happened in the past.

Again, in a blog, too much on James but time is running out, I am trying whatever I can to get him to work with us, work with Daisy and Sean more accurately. 2010 is a turning point for James, I am sure he knows it already. I understand the stress of that so, please James, don’t add to it over this one. Whatever it is that is pissing you off right now, don’t allow that to get in the way of being part of this family and in Josh’s life.

End of James bit

Back to other matters … Sean is working really hard creating a website for Deej. He’s learnt loads the past couple of months on IT, I think he’s really found something he’s good at and that he gets excited about. He’s still got loads to learn but, at this rate, a year from now he’ll be teaching me stuff!

Josh was good with his jabs earlier. He had three in total. First two he carried on smiling through but, he had to be turned around for the other jab and that hurt the already jabbed leg and he cried a bit. He was smiling again before he left the surgery. Has been irritable this evening and didn’t eat much but enjoyed his nice warm bath and did loads of splashing so I got soaked again!