James, if you read this, read ALL of it.
I find it annoying that Josh’s birthday could be being built up as nothing more than a publicity stunt by James. I can see where it could be going … the scenario:
James makes some vague attempts to arrange something to see Josh on his birthday. If he gets to see him then there will be photo’s on Facebook with messages stating what an amazing baby he is and the implication that James is, by connection, an amazing dad, all his mates and family in Kent are happy. Or, as an alternative, Daisy and Sean have other plans for Josh’s birthday in which case, all over Facebook are messages from James saying how evil we are down here stopping a dad from seeing his son, on his birthday of all days. The result is, either way he convinces the people he knows that he is either a great dad or a victim. What has he done so far to get to see Josh? He has telephoned another family member up here to ask what is happening on Josh’s birthday. He has telephoned Daisy to speak about it, she was busy but, he said he’d call back later that day (he didn’t)
What contact has there been since he left here weeks ago? Very little. He did start sending Daisy texts where he kept referring to her as ‘babe’. I have no idea why but he even tried to twist that around to make it sound like Daisy was refusing to keep him informed on what was happening with Josh. What she actually said was, she would contact James if there was any change in Josh’s life that he needed to know about, otherwise, don’t send texts asking how he is, if he really wanted to know, arrange to see him instead.
James asked me to be a friend again on Facebook, I asked him why as he was so sure he wanted me out of his life, he never sent a reply
He sent me messages asking questions about bank details, things to do with his flat after he said he didn’t want my help, was ‘relieved’ I was no longer anything to do with him.
What is James not telling his friends and family?
Well, perhaps he could forget to tell them that,
- by the time it gets to Josh’s birthday he will have gone nearly 2 months without seeing him and with zero reason for that apart from, he can’t be bothered.
- He may forget to mention that he has had the time and the money to see him but has chosen not to.
- Maybe he’ll forget to mention, no one is stopping him seeing Josh
This all seems really familiar. This is not, and he will forget to mention this too, the first time he has walked out on his son for weeks at a time with NO good reason.
He knows that, if he told his friends the truth, many may well stop supporting him like they have, stop seeing him as the victim and, instead, start seeing him as one of those ‘bum’ fathers that are often on Jeremy Kyle in the mornings, the sort that Kyle would say to … “If you were not going to take responsibility for you son and get of your bum, get a job and maybe see him regularly, maybe you should have put something on the end of it!”
Child Support? Forget it, James won’t even give Daisy a postal address so she can get the CSA to collect money for Josh. Buying a birthday gift, if he does that any more than the non existent Christmas gift, is not supporting his son!
Yes, I am angry about this. I am angry because, whilst James is telling these people his fairytale and getting the support, others are actually being parents and bloody good parents to Josh. Other grandparents are NOT sitting on the fence but are actually talking to their kids trying to get a good resolution to this and NOT expecting teenagers to be able to work this out for themselves!
What I ‘think’ should happen is this (and I say this with hope, not demands) … James stops making excuses, remembers he AGREED to have a child and gets on with the job of parenting and NOT putting his social life first. As a parent, his needs are unimportant by comparison to his son. Everything else in his life is unimportant compared to Joshua. It is time to STOP playing word games and START being a dad before it is too late and too much time has past that he can’t recover from it.
The only very important thing here is the truth. James knows the truth. He may, by now, be starting to believe the stories he has been spreading to friends and family but he knows, not too deep down, what the reality is. The only reason he has not seen Josh is because he has chosen not to. There is no legal case, no solicitors, there can’t be. How can someone go see a solicitor asking for court action when they have never been denied access in the first place? Courts prefer voluntary adult agreements with kids, they won’t entertain court orders where there is already good access on offer. There is not a chance in hell of any court anywhere agreeing to the residency order being switched to James, that is never going to happen.
If James wants to be an active dad then he needs to be living in the same town as his son, seeing him on a regular basis, earning the right to spend those special days with him.
What right does James have to do nothing for his son week after week then turn up with a birthday present and have only the good time with his son? None at all, that should be reserved for those who actually care enough to be there for him all his life, not just when it suits them!
Does James love Josh? Yes, I am sure he does. I am sure, like most parents, he see’s Josh as an extension of himself. Is that enough to encourage James to make a change? Only he knows that. Is it right that he feels angry to another man being Josh’s dad? Yes, I suspect he has the right to hold those feelings but, even that was his own choice, he has already walked away before Sean came on the scene. Is living in the past with those resentments going to change the future or even shape it? No, it can’t change the past, that has happened. Mistakes have been made which cannot be undone. Holding on to anger and resentment can only make a negative future for Josh and James. Daisy and Sean are already a major part of Josh’s life and, they always will be. That cannot be changed. Whether James wants to join them as an equal parent or not, that’s entirely up to him.
If James ever wonders what the truth is, he should think back to all those magical times we ALL spent together as a family. There are amazing pictures of him and Sean together, of all three of them being parents together, that cannot have been an act. James, open up your eyes and heart. If you have really got God in your life then ask in a prayer, what do you have to do and listen to the teaching of the church, not your own mind. I know what the bible would teach you to do, I suspect you do too, you just don’t like it. Remember, if you are a Christian now, you can lie to your friends, you cannot lie to God because he’ll know and he will find a way of making other people know, that’s the way of things.
I hope, by writing this blog, it may annoy James enough for him to get off up and start thinking like a grown up man with a child. I hope that will be the case, I suspect he will just make up more lies about the situation to try and cover the truth contained in this message.
James, if you were ever a victim that was a very long time ago, time to stop using it as an excuse and step up to life, the life YOU created. You can, if you want, be a good dad to Josh, right now, you are a quickly fading memory. Maybe the reason you keep falling down again is, because you are not being honest, your lies are what are dragging you back down?
You don’t just have family in Kent, you have one here too.