Tomorrow I have my first proper meeting regarding my web design skills. I am looking forward to it but, at the same time, feel almost as though it is a dream or an act in a play. You see, I am Mr Average, could do better. This is what all my school reports said and I had no reason to dispute them. I have gone through life believing I could be more without ever achieving. Here I am now, having directors of a charity coming to me for a meeting, it feels sort of weird and, somehow, totally right as well, like where I feel I should be now anyway. I am hoping they will agree my proposals and I can move the site forward and provide them with something which will boost their finances. It doesn’t make me anything but, boy, does it look good on a CV if any future employer can see past 50+!
In my life I feel like I am achieving something … no, this is not fair, I feel like I am a very proud witness to others achieving something. Parentally, it is important to see the children grow and prosper, more important, be happy in their lives. Right now, I am experiencing a whole lot of happiness. I don’t care whether I am helping that or I am just a casual observer, it is wonderful to see all the same.
The period from March 31st to April 27 is heaving with birthdays. I am hoping I have managed to get the gifts to bring a smile, as that is all I want, happy faces. Someone is getting some pressies early but, as long as they remember they already had them and don’t sulk with not a lot on the day, that’s OK.
In May I am really booked up. I have to confess, I am piggybacking other things to give myself a break and, you know what, I don’t feel even a little bit guilty about that. I shall be spending a lot of the time with part of my family I don’t spend enough time with and that has to be good.
Am going to be 48 this year, hmm, seems a little weird that as I remember when 48 seemed everso old indeed! On the plus side, I only have another 2 years before I can start joining the over 50’s clubs and getting discounts!
Had a test to discover if I have diabetes today. I don’t think I do but, if I do, it’s comforting to have my prayers answered. I asked if I could experience at least some of what Jermaine does so I don’t feel so disconnected from him. Not a day goes past without me remembering him as a kid, holding him in my arms and how he used to be. It’s heart-breaking for me seeing him as he is now  

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