Year: 2011

I don’t have diabetes, well, that’s what the test concluded so I am happy to go along with it. The meeting with the charity went well, I have their full support and am already working on the new incarnation of the website and the various components it will involve. Of course, if they don’t like it then it’ll be a load of wasted time and effort.

I would very much those around me to see that an important part of my life revolves around helping other people and, I have to do it my own way. When a person gets to a point in their life when they accept they may have more years behind them than they have in front, they maybe take stock and work out, if they don’t live life as they feel is right then it may not be one of those things which can be put off until later. Those that don’t want to accept I am my own person following my own path because I feel it is right will lose my respect. I know I may not always ‘be’ right but, I am not going to be laying on my death bed regretting the things I didn’t try. I must judge each situation I am faced with and make judgements as to which needs my time now and which can wait. I do not have a priority book of those who must always come first, sometimes non direct blood family will be before close blood family or, the other way around, it is all about need to me. I don’t want to have to add up the amount I spend on one to match another, I am more than the money I spend. I don’t want to have to feel guilt for doing more for one person over another and I don’t expect or deserve to be judged for it. When I naturally expire I want to be remembered for the difference I made to others not by whether my balance books were in order.

Should anyone think I do nothing then, perhaps what they really feel is …. he does not enough for me. If that is what you think then ask yourself whether you do enough for yourself before passing judgement on me. It seems that people who do hardly anything get no blame and yet, those who do loads get critical remarks for not doing enough.

If I do nothing then, there must be something terribly wrong with me because every moment of every day I feel mentally exhausted. I am fighting constant emotional battles not say the first thing which comes into my head and so, potentially upset someone of make matters worse. Maybe now would be a good time, with certain people, to start ‘saying it as it is’?

On another note, my car is still not getting the economy it should be, not good. I still have not managed to get to the hospital to get my new moulds. I also have tons of stuff to do, heavy stuff and could, in all honesty, do with the petty immaturity around me stopping.

I don’t have diabetes, well, that’s what the test concluded so I am happy to go along with it. The meeting with the charity went well, I have their full support and am already working on the new incarnation of the website and the various components it will involve. Of course, if they don’t like it then it’ll be a load of wasted time and effort.

I would very much those around me to see that an important part of my life revolves around helping other people and, I have to do it my own way. When a person gets to a point in their life when they accept they may have more years behind them than they have in front, they maybe take stock and work out, if they don’t live life as they feel is right then it may not be one of those things which can be put off until later. Those that don’t want to accept I am my own person following my own path because I feel it is right will lose my respect. I know I may not always ‘be’ right but, I am not going to be laying on my death bed regretting the things I didn’t try. I must judge each situation I am faced with and make judgements as to which needs my time now and which can wait. I do not have a priority book of those who must always come first, sometimes non direct blood family will be before close blood family or, the other way around, it is all about need to me. I don’t want to have to add up the amount I spend on one to match another, I am more than the money I spend. I don’t want to have to feel guilt for doing more for one person over another and I don’t expect or deserve to be judged for it. When I naturally expire I want to be remembered for the difference I made to others not by whether my balance books were in order.

Should anyone think I do nothing then, perhaps what they really feel is …. he does not enough for me. If that is what you think then ask yourself whether you do enough for yourself before passing judgement on me. It seems that people who do hardly anything get no blame and yet, those who do loads get critical remarks for not doing enough.

If I do nothing then, there must be something terribly wrong with me because every moment of every day I feel mentally exhausted. I am fighting constant emotional battles not say the first thing which comes into my head and so, potentially upset someone of make matters worse. Maybe now would be a good time, with certain people, to start ‘saying it as it is’?

On another note, my car is still not getting the economy it should be, not good. I still have not managed to get to the hospital to get my new moulds. I also have tons of stuff to do, heavy stuff and could, in all honesty, do with the petty immaturity around me stopping.

Tomorrow I have my first proper meeting regarding my web design skills. I am looking forward to it but, at the same time, feel almost as though it is a dream or an act in a play. You see, I am Mr Average, could do better. This is what all my school reports said and I had no reason to dispute them. I have gone through life believing I could be more without ever achieving. Here I am now, having directors of a charity coming to me for a meeting, it feels sort of weird and, somehow, totally right as well, like where I feel I should be now anyway. I am hoping they will agree my proposals and I can move the site forward and provide them with something which will boost their finances. It doesn’t make me anything but, boy, does it look good on a CV if any future employer can see past 50+!
In my life I feel like I am achieving something … no, this is not fair, I feel like I am a very proud witness to others achieving something. Parentally, it is important to see the children grow and prosper, more important, be happy in their lives. Right now, I am experiencing a whole lot of happiness. I don’t care whether I am helping that or I am just a casual observer, it is wonderful to see all the same.
The period from March 31st to April 27 is heaving with birthdays. I am hoping I have managed to get the gifts to bring a smile, as that is all I want, happy faces. Someone is getting some pressies early but, as long as they remember they already had them and don’t sulk with not a lot on the day, that’s OK.
In May I am really booked up. I have to confess, I am piggybacking other things to give myself a break and, you know what, I don’t feel even a little bit guilty about that. I shall be spending a lot of the time with part of my family I don’t spend enough time with and that has to be good.
Am going to be 48 this year, hmm, seems a little weird that as I remember when 48 seemed everso old indeed! On the plus side, I only have another 2 years before I can start joining the over 50’s clubs and getting discounts!
Had a test to discover if I have diabetes today. I don’t think I do but, if I do, it’s comforting to have my prayers answered. I asked if I could experience at least some of what Jermaine does so I don’t feel so disconnected from him. Not a day goes past without me remembering him as a kid, holding him in my arms and how he used to be. It’s heart-breaking for me seeing him as he is now  

Tomorrow I have my first proper meeting regarding my web design skills. I am looking forward to it but, at the same time, feel almost as though it is a dream or an act in a play. You see, I am Mr Average, could do better. This is what all my school reports said and I had no reason to dispute them. I have gone through life believing I could be more without ever achieving. Here I am now, having directors of a charity coming to me for a meeting, it feels sort of weird and, somehow, totally right as well, like where I feel I should be now anyway. I am hoping they will agree my proposals and I can move the site forward and provide them with something which will boost their finances. It doesn’t make me anything but, boy, does it look good on a CV if any future employer can see past 50+!
In my life I feel like I am achieving something … no, this is not fair, I feel like I am a very proud witness to others achieving something. Parentally, it is important to see the children grow and prosper, more important, be happy in their lives. Right now, I am experiencing a whole lot of happiness. I don’t care whether I am helping that or I am just a casual observer, it is wonderful to see all the same.
The period from March 31st to April 27 is heaving with birthdays. I am hoping I have managed to get the gifts to bring a smile, as that is all I want, happy faces. Someone is getting some pressies early but, as long as they remember they already had them and don’t sulk with not a lot on the day, that’s OK.
In May I am really booked up. I have to confess, I am piggybacking other things to give myself a break and, you know what, I don’t feel even a little bit guilty about that. I shall be spending a lot of the time with part of my family I don’t spend enough time with and that has to be good.
Am going to be 48 this year, hmm, seems a little weird that as I remember when 48 seemed everso old indeed! On the plus side, I only have another 2 years before I can start joining the over 50’s clubs and getting discounts!
Had a test to discover if I have diabetes today. I don’t think I do but, if I do, it’s comforting to have my prayers answered. I asked if I could experience at least some of what Jermaine does so I don’t feel so disconnected from him. Not a day goes past without me remembering him as a kid, holding him in my arms and how he used to be. It’s heart-breaking for me seeing him as he is now