Single

Let’s start this by saying, it’s not sad to write this, it isn’t depression or suicidal thoughts. It is the reality for a lot of single people.

Each and every day there comes that time when we acknowledge that the day is over. At that time, no matter what else we were doing before, how noisy it was, right at that moment there is a stillness. There is a lack of anything when the world of nobody seems to stretch out for miles and miles even though there may be people just feet away behind a wall. The once again realised truth that, no one is going to say goodnight tonight. Knowing that if we get cold in the night, no one is there for a hug to warm is up.

Being alone, being single is doing things and not sharing them. If we share them it is with those who have not shared the experience, they pretend to be interested, many won’t do that either.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes being single is an absolute blessing. Not having to justify a decision, not having to consider the feelings of someone else, not having to keep quiet in the night because someone else is sleeping. There is little worse than feeling ill and not being able to toss and turn in bed because it wakes up someone special, we’d rather they sleep and we suffered than the other way around. So, yes, there are advantages to being single. Being able to class the entire planet as a prospective future partner, that’s a plus. When we are no longer single we might have those quiet moments of wondering if the grass may have been greener somewhere else, that’s not an issue for the single person.

Maybe as we approach Christmas we should spare a thought for single people though, there is no more a feeling of alone than when surrounded by happily coupled people. Single people, there is a need to reach out for each other this time of year, let someone know they are not forgotten. One of the worst aspects of being single, and I think it happens no matter what a person does is, that thought that others go entire days, weeks, months or years without ever spontaneously thinking about them. So, friends of single people, call someone who is single, it means the world to know that someone else, for no apparent reason, thought about them, a good thought. Maybe a happy memory, who knows but, we all have those thoughts about our friends and, how many of us take that time just to say ‘Hi, was thinking about you earlier’.

I’m writing this and reading it as I write and, sure, it comes across as quite depressing but, you know what? It’s not. It’s a happy post reminding people that everyone has hope of something. If we acknowledge what makes us miserable, we’re well on the way to fixing it. If we explain ourselves in a way others can relate to, we help them help themselves and maybe help us too in the process. This is about taking the time to understand other people. Time is the most precious thing any of us will ever have to give.

I treasure each moment I am given the gift of time from someone else, anyone else. When someone else decides, for no reason what so ever beyond their ‘want’ at that moment to share this moment in time with us, what an amazing gift that is, don’t you think?

One of the things I think sometimes about some of the friends I have is, how much time have they wanted to spend with me? How far up or down their list of thoughts I am throughout the year? Hell, I am no saint, I have a lot of friends I think about probably daily but, I don’t tell them. I make excuses you see. It’s complicated, I might be in the way, they don’t want to speak to me right now, they might be busy … I got loads of excuses, not many of them are very good and it’s embarrassing to write this knowing I am doing it. Maybe, if I acknowledge it enough, I too will change my ways, make more effort to contact those I should contact just in case they think I don’t care. Just thought of another one I use … they have so many other friends and family, they don’t need me. That’s a classic!

OK, true, some of those excuses might actually be true, with some of my friends, I’ve been quite certain for some time they are exactly true. Our connection is so complicated, there are so many unresolved issues, we just cannot get close and, maybe it hurts on both sides to know this but, life is life. With others, I think I am right in saying, we were never really friends in the first place, we were acquaintances at best, people who just got social because we were often in the same social settings. Sometimes, of course, we object so strongly to the way a friend lives their life we cannot get involved, we keep our distance because the hurt of us apparently not caring is less than the pain we might cause if we speak our mind. Sometimes, our friends feel so close to us yet so vulnerable, we cannot offer them the words of comfort they need but, we will end up hurting them with the words we feel we need to say.

So, that’s sort of what being single is, so many thoughts that no one else is really interested in. If we had a partner they’d listen, it’d be digested and resolved. As single person these are the thoughts no one wants to hear. They’re just normal human thoughts but, from a single person many back off, they don’t want to be the surrogate significant other who does the listening, does the absorbing of the thoughts to enable them to dissipate. They might say it is ‘unattractive’ to air thoughts like this as though somehow we view the entire planet as though they were people we wanted to attract. It doesn’t work like that. We, as single people, are just other people, no hidden agenda, no confused motivation, people who share their thoughts so others with those thoughts know they’re not on their own.

If just one person reads this, recognises it and feels part of something ‘more’ then I am pleased I wrote it.

Once again, I am not feeling down or depressed, just normal for me, looking forward to tomorrow, I am being the gift of someone else’s time tomorrow, how amazing is that? I am very often given that gift daily from people close to me physically and also from the other side of the planet and places in between, that makes me really fortunate and I know that. This is why I am not depressed. I ‘know’ that.

Do it, tell someone you thought about them today for no apparent reason, for whatever reason they popped into your mind and your mind reached out, tell them.

For those who have deeper feelings for someone, tell them!!! All you have to lose is to remain where you are, never knowing. If they are as good as you think they are then, even if they don’t share your feelings they will feel close to you for sharing. Even someone we are not attracted to who tells us they love is let’s us know we can be loved, something about us is right. What a gift to share with someone.

Perhaps we all need to look at our excuse list and chuck it out.

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