Earlier on today I was listening to @lbc and they were asking if the safety of women against predatory men had come along any further in the last decade?

The programme continued mentioning ‘all men’ and then, doing a hasty apology of ‘not all men obviously’. The fact it got mentioned at all created adversary.

As the conversation went on, one physically sexually abused woman after another I became reminded of a warning and apology they often give out at LBC for any triggering episodes their shows may cause. I thought about it as something which happened 25 years to me suddenly got triggered.

Sadly, there is no way to tell the story here without the person concerned being identified to those who knew him and he’s no longer with us to defend himself.

In 1998 I really was going through the process of living life accepting I was a gay man. I had made a lot of gay friends but, in reality, I wasn’t really much experienced. I had certainly not had gay sex and for sure I had not answered that question in my mind.

My dear friend, I really thought of him as such, took me out to London for my birthday to a gay club. I really enjoyed it but did get really very drunk.

I was staying at his though, I don’t much remember going to bed. Some time later I woke up to him thrusting inside me and as I woke up, he finished and, by finished I mean in the sexual sense. No protection, just fucking. I was not asked if I wanted it and had no opportunity to agree. By the time I was aware the deed was done.

Really I honestly didn’t want to lose his friendship and we continued to be friends until he died years later.

Over time I came to accept that I was raped. I never wanted it, he didn’t ask he just fucked me because he wanted to do. I thought of him as a good man but he was my rapist and it has never been OK. I do still feel ashamed of that night though I know I had no control over it.

During the radio programme I did get upset, why is it always about women getting abused and men being the guilty ones?