As far as I can remember it started just after the end of 2008 and Billy had a birthday. For various other bits of 2009, see an earlier blog entry.
So, rather than dwelling on a year which started good, went downhill in the middle, in the third quarter picked up, continued an upward trend and then dropped off toward the end … let me consider 2010.
So, we are leaving the noughties and entering the tens, still doesn’t have a ring to it like my other decades, the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s & 90’s. Let’s face it, did the first part of a new millennium ever have a ring to it? The 1900’s had to wait until the 20’s before anyone mentioned it by decade. It was the war free decade of the Charleston and other things 20’s. But, that’s not important because we don’t yet got to the 2020’s.
So, for 2010, what do I foresee? One, maybe two holidays for me and Deej, one at least for us as a family.
A settled time financially if things work out OK.
New friendships for certain.
Josh’s and Immy’s first proper giggle (Josh is nearly there already) maybe a first word? I think Josh will be walking too.
There will, I think, be a proposal this year.
I am already on to speculation, good guesswork based on gut feeling but just guessing all the same.
What do I not know of 2010 but would like to?
How my health will hold up
Whether or not James can still get the support he needs to be the person he really want to be
What totally awful event the year will throw at me.
How long it will take to get the finances sorted out, for once, the current status of my accounts is not my fault. I will either be comfortable this year or struggling but not (I hope) in debt
Where we will be living by the end of the year. Being what we are we are never quite sure when the poo will hit the fan or bricks are going to start hitting the windows and events of this year have made that all the more likely thanks to a certain indiscretion (grr).
Will I have a good sized lottery win enough to make a lifelong difference?
What do I most want from 2010?
Good health and happiness for those I love
World Peace (obviously)
Everyone concerned with my family to get along and I do mean ‘everyone’.
No stress, anxiety, bickering, arguments, mind games, guilt trips, point scoring or insults.
That good sized lottery win … for the record, that means £5,000,000+ because that is enough to sort out this whole family, give us some serious options of what to do, where to go, how to live and with whom.
I want others to do thinking for themselves, they need to learn to do that otherwise all the pressure is on me. One person should never have to live more than one life at a time.
People reading this … if you are part of my family then please, think seriously about the future, don’t live it just for today … my family is, for the record and, I mean, my ‘moving forward’ family, the ones who need to accept they will always be part of each other from 2009 onwards …
Deej
Matt
Zoey
Daisy
Sean
Robin
James
Anne
and in no particular order BTW
All of those, one way or another, rotate about me or in some way cross over with me throughout the year. Yes, it may suit some to pretend others don’t ‘deserve’ to be included but whether it is like Robin, because they are close and caring friend or James, because they are the father of my grandson, or Anne because she is the mother of my granddaughter and dating my son or Sean because he is the ‘dad’ of Josh and the partner of my daughter or, even if it is just because I have love for all those people, they are family!
I am aware I left out Jermaine, he is always in my heart but doesn’t figure into the current complications any more than my dad does …. and, for the record, I do love him too, my dad. Not least because I understand now how easy it is as a dad to make mistakes with all the family politics and complications. For the record, I am not interested in being included in any will he may have, I don’t want it, I certainly don’t want the family politics which shall be attached to it so best write me out now assuming I was ever in!
This time tomorrow it will be next year, 2010, time for resolutions.
Can I ask, if someone is stuck as to what to pick may I suggest,
‘be nice to everyone unless who have to be mean’
James, if he genuinely wants it, is going to need a lot of help. I understand hardly anyone has any time for him, it’s totally understandable. After the year we have had with him, who could honestly blame anyone who turned their back on him .. but, if he asks for help and, as long as he doesn’t lie, do drugs, steal or hurt anyone, shouldn’t we make some sort of effort maybe? He has a chance this year for a clean slate. A new home, a son, and a very short deadline after which I suspect social services will say ‘adios’ and he’s on his own. In my kind, it starts now or not at all. Things shall move very quickly in the first quarter of 2010, he needs to keep up. I am saying that as a last ditch attempt to offer a helping hand. I am not blaming James, I am not forgetting the past, I am saying, a new year, a new and one final last chance. Let me down now and ‘end of’. I cannot say it clearer than that. I have made myself ill this past year worrying about stuff. I have the ability and energy to help someone who wants help but not for a loser or a bum who wants a short cut, a financial hand out, to scrounge and manipulate. If James wants to work with this family then no more stoners in his life, ditch the dealers. Be responsible, be on time, be honest. If James doesn’t understand this, before reacting, show it to Tom Noakes, I feel he’ll get it. Dads cannot be off their heads ever, they are always broke for all the ‘right’ reasons. They are respected for what they ‘do’ and never for what they say.
So, I wish everyone well for 2010. I hope to see all my friends at least once, we’ve not seen enough of each other this past year … hell, you guys have grandchildren to meet!
Love
Steve
x