Category: My Thoughts

Everything which isn’t specifically related to one subject

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Gay Rights again takes a nosedive!

I wonder how many I have looking at my blog are in their late teens? From distant memory it was seen as a huge success for a teen 16+ to bed a much older woman, to have their own ‘milf’. Society seems to accept that this is OK, some might even argue, it’s good to have a woman with some experience to show them the way and then we have Huw Edwards!

I do not pretend to know the man. This said, I am a bit of an expert on gay dads. Many will have known about their sexuality before they got married. They will have lived in an environment where even for them to accept their sexuality was not acceptable, just not a realistic option. They would have to give up everything familiar. Mr Edwards is the same age as me more or less. Back in the 1970’s there were very few parts of the UK where being out and proud was an option. The vast majority of men will have suppressed their sexuality, got married (to a woman they no doubt love) and had children and as life progressed the very real difficulties will have hit.

Sometimes, when we are young, it’s really difficult if not impossible to comprehend what a lifetime actually is, just how long it is. What we think we can manage in our late teens or early 20’s eventually catches up on is.

Many men will just leave their wives and go it alone but for most, they’d already have children by this time. They will have realised that they are performing with their wife but they still love her and absolutely adore their children, they struggle on managing their repressed sexuality as best they can. Sometimes with their wife’s knowledge and sometimes in secret they will find a way to satisfy their need to be with a man or even convince themselves that doing it virtually is enough.

Would it have been a news story so enormous as this if a newsreader had a distance fling with a younger woman? No, it would barely have attracted a mention. Maybe, as was the case with me, the wife is fully aware and accepting because it maintains their life of respectability. We just do not know but ‘The Sun’ came at this from the outset with their suggestions of what went on. To read what they wrote there was a newsreader obtaining sexually explicit images with a teenager. For many reading that they would have presumed the teen in question to be around 14, very much still a child. As it was, nothing illegal happened, both were of legal age and consenting.

I was listening to the radio this morning. People phoning in to explain how disgusting it was for this married man to have sex with a teenage boy … not that there has been, as far as I am aware, a fact that sex occurred but, even if it did, how is this in the public interest?

If Mr Edwards had spent his career being homophobic and challenging same sex relationships then yes, that is in the public interest but, again, AFAIK, he never did. He and his family have struggled through trying to have their private lives.

Then people are saying victim blame is going on, how so? The alleged ‘victim’ was legally able to consent to what he did AND had said prior to the printing of the story by the sun, that the story his parents told is just untrue. We cannot blame a victim who doesn’t exist?

Those who feel gays have got full equality need to understand from this story that they don’t. The UK press will still see their activities as a scandal, their life choices are not private.

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‘Gay’ Pride’

Yes it grabs the attention, makes people look but … one question I get asked too often is “which of you is the woman?”

I do not want my sexuality confused as a gender issue.


Thanks to my lovely husband in the foreground.

My own perspective on gay pride and, indeed the so called ‘community’.

Firstly, understand the history of pride. It started when gay people finally took a stand against the homophobia they were subjected to. For many years gay people were unprotected, no laws gave them equal rights not even the laws of the lands they lived in as citizens from birth. They were seen as criminals and generally people with severe mental health issues and deviants.

With slow progress in many countries we got some kind of equality or, at least legal protecting from prejudice to the point many who don’t recall when it wasn’t there really believe we’ve already got there and Pride has become nothing more than an in your face celebration of a job well done!

We are no where near that point yet and to make matters worse, we are diluting the cause and allowing it to be taken over by issues which are not our issues.

Over recent years our fight for equality for those with differing sexuality has had added to it, the fight for gender identity. What real connection do we as gay, lesbian and bisexual men and women do we have with the multitude of current gender identities?

Don’t get me wrong, I support that battle separately just not inclusively. If we follow any natural progression some trans might take we get this scenario and this is merely an example:

Mike is trans. Right now Mike is gay he is part of the LGB community. However, Mike is transitioning to Michelle. ‘She’ is living as a woman who is attracted to men. When she fully transitions she will be and wants to be a woman. At this point, Michelle becomes a straight woman, no longer a part of the LGB community. Of course, it’s way more complex but, we have to call a spade a spade.

Gender identity should have remained an issue in of itself. They will have their supporters and those in the LGB community will have theirs. Sometimes they may be the same people.

Does it help that leading many Pride events (which used to be pre woke, called ‘gay pride’) we have drag queens? I’ll wager that the majority of gay men have no desire at all the wear female clothes and yet, as far as society sees us, we come across as cross dressing weirdos. Not as we are, just the men and women you work with, who you see every day or pass by in the street. Again, don’t misunderstand me, no issue with drag queens, some are great but, would be put the Royal State Coach at the head of an environmentally friendly car parade? It’s overkill and suggests totally the wrong thing.

Beautiful and grand but, not taking us into the future

If you’re selling EV’s you don’t use the State Coach to promote them!

In short, Pride has been taken over by those with heavy egos who don’t even realise this is still a struggle.

How many gay men would feel comfortable walking through the Grosvenor Centre holding hands with their husbands? I see the ladies doing it but, never us men. Is that a rational avoidance or is it justified considering recent attacks on gay men in the town?

Gay men ‘afraid to hold hands in public’, survey finds

We’ve police forces up and down the country recognised for being institutionally homophobic. That on top of how generally ineffective the police are anyway and it matters not what laws are passed if the police and CPS do not enforce those laws.

We still do not have marriage equality, under law religions cannot perform same sex marriages. That was as much a government decision as it was the religions involved.

In many countries around the world our rights range from tolerance to a criminal offence punishable by death. Our government and monarchy still counts those countries amongst our ‘friends’.

I would like us to get back to being the LGB community fighting our own causes.

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Not ‘always’ women & girls

Earlier on today I was listening to @lbc and they were asking if the safety of women against predatory men had come along any further in the last decade?

The programme continued mentioning ‘all men’ and then, doing a hasty apology of ‘not all men obviously’. The fact it got mentioned at all created adversary.

As the conversation went on, one physically sexually abused woman after another I became reminded of a warning and apology they often give out at LBC for any triggering episodes their shows may cause. I thought about it as something which happened 25 years to me suddenly got triggered.

Sadly, there is no way to tell the story here without the person concerned being identified to those who knew him and he’s no longer with us to defend himself.

In 1998 I really was going through the process of living life accepting I was a gay man. I had made a lot of gay friends but, in reality, I wasn’t really much experienced. I had certainly not had gay sex and for sure I had not answered that question in my mind.

My dear friend, I really thought of him as such, took me out to London for my birthday to a gay club. I really enjoyed it but did get really very drunk.

I was staying at his though, I don’t much remember going to bed. Some time later I woke up to him thrusting inside me and as I woke up, he finished and, by finished I mean in the sexual sense. No protection, just fucking. I was not asked if I wanted it and had no opportunity to agree. By the time I was aware the deed was done.

Really I honestly didn’t want to lose his friendship and we continued to be friends until he died years later.

Over time I came to accept that I was raped. I never wanted it, he didn’t ask he just fucked me because he wanted to do. I thought of him as a good man but he was my rapist and it has never been OK. I do still feel ashamed of that night though I know I had no control over it.

During the radio programme I did get upset, why is it always about women getting abused and men being the guilty ones?

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Why is the UK great?

You see, right there I have readers shaking their heads and asking, are you mad?

British people are about as unpatriotic as any nation can be likely caused by a succession of government which rather than pull us together, drove us apart to create division and detract for their own failings.

Is the UK really so terrible?

In my opinion, no, it’s not. As a country we have lost out way rather a lot, society has some very real issues. However, the bedrock of the country, the land and the climate, they are much as we would expect for these lands.

What do I hear those around the world say of the UK?

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  • It’s so quaint, all those cute little villages – Sure, we have a lot of cute old villages dating back centuries but, that is not who we are, that’s just a tourist ideal
  • Isn’t it always raining in the UK? – Actually, just about every year we ban the use of hosepipes in a lot of counties because we are in a drought situation, we simply have not had enough rain. Sure, we do get rain. Unlike some other countries, there is no rainy season, it can happen any time of year. It used to be mainly April we would have showers but, global warming lost that for us.
  • It’s so cold there – Way up north in Scotland and especially on the hills, sure, it can get really cold. Realistically, if you as an interest person not liking the cold will avoid those areas and look down south. Right now we are around 28°C, tomorrow I see will be 30°C and, that’s quite warm for anywhere! It’s very humid though.
  • At least I don’t need sun block as it’s either going to rain or be too foggy! – Look, rain I already covered but on it, don’t let it fool you. Even through those showers the UV index can be really high especially in June/July. As for fog, there is a generation of Brits won’t have seen it ever! It was a construct of heavy industry with factories and homes using copious amounts of filthy coal and other messy stuff which hung in the atmosphere. We have cleaned up considerably in the last few decades. I am 60 and whilst it was regular when I was a kid it is more a morning mist now and rather than being pollution it’s just nature evaporating the lying water.
  • Your food is so bland, you don’t eat anything exciting or tasty. – This is an absolute myth based on a misunderstanding. You see, our land is very multicultural, we are a blend of hundreds of different nations and, over the years, our recipes have been shared and just about anything goes. We have comfort food which some might consider bland, only because it’s generally badly cooked. Fish & Chips needs to have fresh fish, the fresher the better. Many restaurants cook fish from the freezer and who is to say how old it is? Of course it’s going to have no flavour. We stop using those places mostly. The Sunday Roast? Yes, unavoidably that can be bland, no two ways about it. Sauces have to be added to make it OK. Shepherds and cottage pie, not the same thing but similar. That’s down to recipe and the quality of ingredients. Cooked fresh with good ingredients there is no reason for it to be bland at all. The Great British Breakfast (fry up) … a little bit of a myth that one as it implies there is only one. There are many variations on it to the point that much of it and occasionally, all of it is not fried at all! (I prefer it that way). But, back to the multicultural nature of the UK … Curry is one of our most popular take out meals (from India), Kebabs often follow from a night out (Greece). Indeed, we have restaurants with food from all over the world. Just lately I am seeing more Filipino venues showing up as well.
  • Beaches, what’s the point, you don’t have any good beaches? – There is a related truth in that but, it’s complicated! The sea even on the hottest days, never gets higher than 20°C, the in the cooler months it’s around 6°C and although some hardy people do swim in it, on the whole we don’t do much more than paddle. We do, however, have some amazing beaches, some of the best and great surfing beaches too. Sadly, the government we have had the past 13 years have allowed our seas to get contaminated with filth. Rich corporate water companies continue to pump raw sewage into our waterways making many of them unsuitable or unsafe to use.
  • Isn’t everything just so expensive there? – Hands up, the answer is yes. Sadly any excuse and hospitality gets greedy. A little inflation and they raise prices to exceed it and when inflation lessens, those prices remain high. Right now we are suffering food inflation way over 16%. A standard McDonalds is close on £9 now almost double what it was a year ago and, for example, nearly three times the cost in the Philippines.
  • So, when it’s not summer then it’s just winter right? Oh no! – Spring and Autumn are two of the nicest times to be here. The winter is absent of colour, the leaves are off the trees, flowers do not grow, it’s just drab. Then spring happens and it comes to life! Birds are busy mating, flowers bloom, trees blossom, it’s a sight to see, honestly. Autumn follows summer and nature starts to shut down ready for winter. The colours on the trees are incredible, all shades of yellow, orange, red, it’s magical. The past few decades winter has been mild, it’s rare to get snow except on high ground. For several mornings there will be ice on cars and sure, it can get a little chilly even in the warmer parts getting down to -9°C on occasion but, mostly it’s just somewhere between 0° – 10°C. If wearing the right clothes it’s not really a problem. In summer, well as I said above, it can be really hot but, at the same time, it can change! I have known it in the low 20’s in May and then a week later, we do have snow, it can happen, it’s rare.
  • Your homes are all really old right, you have outside toilet’s and bath in front of the fire? – Sure, in many old movies that’s totally correct but I have always lived in a house with an inside toilet and a bath which has hot and cold water. Sure, as a kid in winter we had ice on the inside of the windows it was so cold but, that was 50+ years ago. Most, the vast majority have centrally heated homes and at least one full bathroom or shower. So, even our older places will be mostly fully upgraded by now.
  • Just how old are your places? – The newest are still being built, the oldest go back centuries. It is not unusual to live in an 18th century property and certainly 19th century. Let’s make no mistake, our history goes back 1000’s of years. A church in my town has parts of it dating back to the10th century.

Let’s look at some pictures of the UK

As you can see, if the tech works. the country can look so different depending on location and time of year. It is rarely plain. If you know where to look there is so much to see, it’s certainly worth seeking out the guide books and exploring outside of the big cities.