“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan doth oft lose both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.” Hamlet. … In this line from Hamlet, Polonius gives his son Laertes advice on managing money. He starts off by telling him never to lend or borrow money from friends.
It is very good advice as I have found, to my cost, over the years.
I have lost friends who I loaned money they didn’t repay, sometimes £100’s and, in one case £1000’s.
Being owed money which doesn’t get repaid sucks big time
Do you know, if all the money I was owed were repaid tomorrow (just what I can remember) I would be nearly £10,000 better off, that’s amazing isn’t it?
Of course, I do lend money which gets repaid but, somehow I still get stressed as I rarely seem to know my financial worth.
Just now, a friend who hit rough times borrowed £350 from me. I actually paid him £250 for work he did on the basis that he was actually just doing me a favour. I did him a very similar favour in the same period but, he suddenly expected paying so I paid him. A few weeks later he used the money I loaned him to pay bills and groceries as a down payment on a new car. Same guy reads but doesn’t respond to messages, effectively, in modern terms, I have been ghosted, I no longer exist to him.
I am a victim of Gypsy scammers too. I engaged them to do a job for me, they took me for a few £1000. I took them to court, I won, they have a county court judgement against them but, of course, I will never see my money again.
Covid too has cost me. I now have solicitors fighting my case to get over £1300 back from Philippines Airlines who have owed me this money for the best part of a year now. I doubt I will see that again either.
I borrowed money myself, from a bank and credit card. I owe more than I can ever repay. Not all on luxuries, it started with a person who took me for another 4 figure sum. Then it was all the legal government theft to get the visas for Dennis, that cost me way over £10k so far, the money had to come from somewhere.
I’ve not had any proper break away for years and my health is in decline and I am stressing I don’t yet have enough to pay for next years round of visas, I’ll need over £4000 for those and then, finally, Dennis will be a joint UK/Philippines citizen and … I’ll be broke.
With very little influence from me I was separated from the majority of my family in 1985-86. My Dad cheated on my mum, it got very complicated and I was convenient because I existed and was available. This is shortening a complex time in my life but that’s the basis of it. People took sides, I was stuck in the middle. Didn’t want to stay in touch with my Dad, we never really got on, wanted to support my mum but, mum wanted me to keep contact and it was my agreeing to that which made me the enemy to her side of the family. I should have stuck to my feelings and refuse but instead I did a few very uncomfortable visits to him and his, and I apologies for this but it’s how I always felt, his bitch. My feelings about him were no better.
Any chance I had of reconciliation was blown by said ‘bitch’. We invited family to our wedding in 1986 and they said they would come as long as ‘she’ wasn’t there. This was not a problem for me as I didn’t want her there either. I argued with my dad and told him, she’s not to be there and they agreed but, she made a point of standing by the door whilst I was inside. She arrived after I’d gone in and the first I knew something wasn’t right was when the relatives I knew were there were not in the church and that was my last chance to sort things. They, of course, presumed I’d asked her to stand at the door, no one had an interest in the truth.
To the point of this entry … the family from 1985-86 only knew the 23 year old me and I stayed that age, frozen in time. Indeed, though they met me at 23 most really only remembered me as a child and, this is by far the strongest memory they have.
I know I am not anything like my younger self. Back then I was heavily bullied living a confusing life of knowing I was gay but convinced that it was wrong so uncomfortably trying to be a person I could never be.
By 1995 I was totally out and became all the more so over the years and able to live my own life letting go of that confused and scared boy but yet, if I have spoken to any of them, that’s all they want to see. They do not want to get to know me as a 58 year old. If I try and point out the differences they feel the need to tell me that ‘they’ know what I am really like!
We might all be a bit better off if we reintroduce ourselves to each other after a period of time, get to know the people we are having travelled through a lifetime of experiences. Time itself should change our perception.
When we first moved here in 1995 we loved the place, were proud to have friends and family visit but not any more.
Contributing to the demise is the continued under-investment from Legal & General in the Grosvenor Centre and ridiculous demands on tenants meaning we have lost some really good quality retailers from there. What kind of centre management loses House of Fraser? The Disney Store … cannot do a deal so that Ed’s Diner moves in? BHS went months ago, the building sits empty still a demonstration of what is typical for our town.
House of Fraser was replaced by Primark, we gained an upgrade on the store but we already had one in town. Ed’s Diner would have taken over from the Disney Store but Vision Express just moved along to do that. Two Seasons has moved to Rushden Lakes and who can blame them?
The council decided to open up Abington Street to traffic again, all it did was to totally kill off that end of town … unless someone is desperate for Sports Direct and Poundland. Other than that there are a couple of pawn shops. We have H&M but for how long? The store now looks out of place there.
At the entrance to the Grosvenor in Abington Street we have Smokers Heaven … it is totally illegal to smoke there but, security must all be smokers as they do nothing about it. Likewise the doors on the upper level leading to Northampton House. Most often left open full of smokers belching their filth into the centre and, nothing is done. It’s like these people want to drive others away.
The Charity Collectors everywhere (chuggers). It’s unpleasant trying to avoid them, the hard sell young people who insist your life isn’t complete until you sign up for this or that. It doesn’t matter if shoppers are in mid conversation or on the phone, they will stop you, just plain rude!
But, on the plus side, they are some of the few who speak English in our English County Market Town. It’s possible to walk one end to the other without hearing English spoken at all, again, doesn’t encourage anyone to feel at home there.
The market … half a market and barely one at all at that. One stall often there sells drugs stuff, bongs and anything drug related, maybe not the drugs themselves but who knows? Great image of the town that gives.
We have all the e-cigs and vape shops, the short lease units here today, gone tomorrow. Stores where the staff stand out at the entrance and wonder why they get no custom.
Abington St stinks of fags or we walk through a vape cloud of some sickly alternative to legal drug use. We have the drunks outside every pub, the teen mums smoking their roll up whilst pushing baby number 2 in the pram whilst on her phone, we’ve all seen them.
We get 2 hours free in some car parks yet, on others it costs the earth and someone can only stay for 3 hours! Over at the retail parks it is free as long as you can complete all your transactions in 3 hours and get out again else they land you with a huge fine.
All this makes me wonder, do they, any of them, value the concept of a shopping centre at all?
At the weekends it fills with party goers and, well, sadly many weekends ones of them doesn’t live to tell the tale! People still think New York is bad! We have more serious crime here per head of population than they have in New York!
My proposal? Get one large company to buy the entire site. Fill every empty unit with god quality bars and restaurants, have a policy of encouragement to retailers and shoppers alike, free parking all day every day or, a free park and ride service which works using the car parks at Sixfields.
Ban all forms of smoking during business house within 100 feet of any entrance door way and strictly enforce it. Provide smoking areas where they won’t affect others. Everyone said when smoking in pubs was banned the customers would leave, they didn’t, business actually increased because the vast majority of customers are not smokers.
Get rid of the tired 1950’s/60’s buildings and replace them with something contemporary. Enhance the historical buildings. Merge Market Walk with the Grosvenor or build over it.
No stores unless they take a two year minimum lease. Move all charity and Poundshops into their own sector and call it Bargain Land. Perhaps around the market or, indeed, convert Market Walk.
This won’t happen of course, we have a council in #Northampton Borough Council who won’t change, won’t bring in investment.
I guess what I am meaning with this quote is that my brain tends to need to be exhausted before I sleep. Often times I go to bed at around 02:30 and fall straight to sleep, no thought process at all, just gone. My mind rarely settles until it stops functioning
This, to me, applies to friends. I have found that a strong friendship can build and then, in a flash there is zero interest in me. I never know if it was me or if it was them but, I invested my valuable time with people and it wasn’t worth my investment.
This is one of the truest quotes I found today
Sadly I do feel this is very true. I acknowledge that I might just not have enough memory of the man but the memory I have is of someone who couldn’t take the time, was only interested in sporting success and anything less wasn’t acceptable and, I am and always was, so much less than acceptable to him.
This is so true. Modesty, humility, love and compassion are all far more important than other achievements
It’s true but, they grow up and move on. We lose our children so many times as they grow. Which parent hasn’t missed their adorable baby, toddler, 5 year old, 10 year old and so on? It’s like our hearts hold more love than we can affix to one person so we spread it over the then and the now
Dreams are our future or, the aspiration of our lives. If we do not dream of something awesome then, we get something less than awesome or, indeed, how would we know awesome if it found us?
I guess we all must have this fear. I can remember it was one of my very first recurring and terrible nightmares. Dreams of losing my mum or my Nan and now … it’s the thought of losing my kids or my grandkids and, of course, my adorable dearest.
I know this was the case with my mum. She was 52, I thought she’d be around for another 30 years or so, plenty to see me through to a ripe old age when I’d be coping well on my own.
On July 9th 1986 I still thought this. She’d been in hospital before, she was just run down was all and no one gave me any reason to believe otherwise. The following day, she was dead. A light went out in my heart and I lose my mum forever in this life.
Certainly true of me. I become quite irrational and emotional, desperate even and my usual ability to show restraint, be calm and thoughtful gets replaced by frustration bought about from fear.
We must all wonder this at times don’t we?
How does any of us know what others are thinking in their minds, feeling in their hearts when so few of us are afraid to say they value us?
This is something I like to try to do but, sometimes it is difficult to be kind when many of the other quotes on this page are in force at the time
Does anyone like to appear weak? But, is it weak to admit this? Surely it is the purest sign of love to fear the loss of someone?
I have a very big issue with being referred to as a ‘loser’. I believe this is another throw back to my father and his insistence that winning was the only reason to play a game, that not playing to win, no matter what that required (including cheating) was to be a loser
Isn’t this just so true? There are so many people I thought were real friends over the years yet most have now gone elsewhere. It is surprising at times the reasons people give to quietly end a friendship. Never the honest one of saying it outright, always the excuses of how suddenly busy they are
I imagine we’ve all heard this quote before but it is still so very true and current. It also gets coupled with wondering if others feel about us how we feel about them and how easily someone we think if close to us, who ‘totally’ get’s us seems to not know us at all.
This one I honestly believe speaks volumes
But I did forget. The moment my mum died I lost all memory of her voice. I think I have her voice on an old recording here but, still I don’t recognise her. I remember my nan and various other more insignificant departed ones but, not mum and that hurts like crazy, like being punished over and over
How many of us with mental health issues recognise this one?
Sadly, so rarely do the people exist who understand the value of such things. The focus for many is on being right, proving they are right and defending their corner at all costs and we are all the less for it.
Well, it does and anyone who thinks something isn’t important hasn’t yet seen the bigger picture
Sadly this all too often has to be the case, should be the case and often isn’t as over and over again we fail to see that the person we are trying to hold on to doesn’t care whether we do or not, only we care
It is vital we learn from every experience, good or bad. If we don’t, why bother getting up in the morning?
Have you ever experience unrequited love at all? I have and it hurts like crazy. Sometimes it’s the sort of love of attraction on a sexuality level, other times it’s desperately wanting to be close to someone as a friend and realise they are on your ‘A’ list whilst you don’t even qualify for their reserve list
I read this earlier and it put into words what I pray every day someone else will realise about me
Thankfully, I don’t feel this way now, I am just holding on to everything and it’s good but, previously in life, I have been to this place and it’s lonely in there.
It does sometimes feel this way doesn’t it? You know, that moment when we realise that one part of our life is reaching an en-pass and we have to move on. We think (hope) those dear to us will walk the path with us and yet, they only want what we used to be, have no interest in what we need to become
If only this were not true. It’s like we have to leave is a completely new species part of the exclusive club of those who have lost and those who have not, won’t understand.
This is very good advice. I and others I know need to take it
Don’t we all sometimes feel like this? We are most often our own very worst critics
Ouch to this one
Worth remembering I think
Sadly, this is when emotions are at the highest they can be and when others honestly believe we need to sort our shit out before they bother with us again
Oh dear, this is me all over this is!
Hands up anyone who can think of examples of when I screwed up doing this!
People don’t do they? I mean, when someone asks how your day has been, they demand that the answer is ‘fine’. In reality, so few of us like to hear, “well, actually …. “
