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I predict Labour has a majority reduced to around 72 by the end of counting this night, like I have any idea at all!

This time and for the first time ever, I have voted Liberal Democrat. Not because of Iraq or anything like that but simpy because I feel our Labour MP, Sally Keeble is too smug and doesn’t really do anything effective for her constutuants, she is more of a career MP than a local MP and seems to be far more concerned with how high she can get in Westminster than how low the rest of us back here in Northampton are going. This is not a protest vote, I realy believe Andrew Simpson can achieve great things if he doesn’t get corrupted by power, I hope not.

Earlier on today I bottled out of making a statement about an assault I witnessed on Sunday. Bottom line is, those that committed it would quite happily make our lives hell and I am not having a good enough year to be going through all that sort of shit again.

Earlier on I had a meeting at Eleanor Lodge to discuss Jermaine’s needs there, just a formality but a time consuming one which meant I didn’t have the time to do what I had planned to do but it was nothing that couldn’t wait until another time so I am not that bothered.

Apart from the feeling that I didn’t really achieve much today, I do feel somewhat better than I have in a while.

Today has been better though, I suspect that is a relative statement in comparison to yesterday. Were someone suddenly hit with today they may well have been down the funny farm.

I got up at 07:20 quite certain that everyone else would be up, they weren’t. So, deciding I really didn’t care if they were late or not I went downstairs and had breakfast. Jermaine came down just after I started eating and seemed OK so I told him that as soon as I finished my breakfast I would do him some and a cup of tea. I thought he had accepted that just fine as he seemed happy enough to go to his room and play for a while. A few moments later I did his breakfast and called him down. He walked in saying ‘no’ so I suggested that he may want to have his breakfast now and I would just do a cup of tea. He decided it would be better to try and punch me. When he missed he grabbed his breakfast bowl and that landed on the floor smashing with milk and cereal everywhere. He said sorry but I know that means totally nothing with Jermaine. So, I too apologised as I kicked his arse on his way up the stairs.

I cleaned up the mess but it was clear he was not going to let me anywhere near him, which was that, he, was never going to school today.

Matt decided to stay at home and so did Daisy, I was beyond caring at this point but we did hold a discussion about things and they both seemed to give a little ground and make some plans between them on what they may change in future.

I left them to it and got the car into town to get the parking sensors fitted which all went fine.

Whilst I was in town waiting for Robin to turn up, I got a call from Jermaine’s social worker who wanted to arrange a meeting next week. She also seemed to be provisionally agreeing to my request for someone to come in and deal with Jermaine’s personal hygiene issues and nail cutting problems. Time will tell on that one.

Had a nice time with Robin, had a coffee and a chat, a good way to spend a couple of hours.

Back home and Jermaine is still in an awful mood, good erupt at any moment, very unstable. Still, I did manage to get the shopping done which was a bonus.

Today has been better though, I suspect that is a relative statement in comparison to yesterday. Were someone suddenly hit with today they may well have been down the funny farm.

I got up at 07:20 quite certain that everyone else would be up, they weren’t. So, deciding I really didn’t care if they were late or not I went downstairs and had breakfast. Jermaine came down just after I started eating and seemed OK so I told him that as soon as I finished my breakfast I would do him some and a cup of tea. I thought he had accepted that just fine as he seemed happy enough to go to his room and play for a while. A few moments later I did his breakfast and called him down. He walked in saying ‘no’ so I suggested that he may want to have his breakfast now and I would just do a cup of tea. He decided it would be better to try and punch me. When he missed he grabbed his breakfast bowl and that landed on the floor smashing with milk and cereal everywhere. He said sorry but I know that means totally nothing with Jermaine. So, I too apologised as I kicked his arse on his way up the stairs.

I cleaned up the mess but it was clear he was not going to let me anywhere near him, which was that, he, was never going to school today.

Matt decided to stay at home and so did Daisy, I was beyond caring at this point but we did hold a discussion about things and they both seemed to give a little ground and make some plans between them on what they may change in future.

I left them to it and got the car into town to get the parking sensors fitted which all went fine.

Whilst I was in town waiting for Robin to turn up, I got a call from Jermaine’s social worker who wanted to arrange a meeting next week. She also seemed to be provisionally agreeing to my request for someone to come in and deal with Jermaine’s personal hygiene issues and nail cutting problems. Time will tell on that one.

Had a nice time with Robin, had a coffee and a chat, a good way to spend a couple of hours.

Back home and Jermaine is still in an awful mood, good erupt at any moment, very unstable. Still, I did manage to get the shopping done which was a bonus.

Life just gets better and better doesn’t it?

After my feelings of earlier, I couldn’t face the kids and went for a drive. I came back and nothing had changed. I mean, I went out without saying anything to anyone and yet, I come back an hour later and nothing has changed, all was as I left it.

They eventually went to bed except for Matt and he popped his head round a little while ago to say he didn’t feel 100%, can I work out what it is for him! I know kids are kids and all that but I am sure I knew when my mum was depressed or upset, I just knew, my lot don’t appear to give a fuck.

I thought I would check email before I went to bed. I just watched a movie which was OK and made me think about other stuff so I was ready to sleep. On checking email there was only one there, from Nick. We had agreed before he left that he should continue to pay off the loan we got together in 2003 when we moved here. A lot of that was for the car (which he got two years use out of, some of it, quite a chunk went on stuff around the house and toward a holiday which he enjoyed.

Well, I told him I had repaid the Motability side of the car loan and he assumed that this also meant the bank was paid off, in fact, I had to refinance the loan for an extra year to cover the money I needed to buy another car, all I could do to ensure I got an extra £80 a week. Well, he says that now the loan is gone, he doesn’t need to be paying any contribution toward it, that contribution being a large percentage of it, about two thirds. It is true, his name is no longer on the loan agreement, legally he doesn’t owe me a penny, in fact, I have taken two payments from him since consolidating the previous loan so I have now repaid it. What this means is, far from saving myself £80 a week I have only saved £30 which is better than nothing but still only £1500 over the year and not the £4160 I was expecting.

Still, I guess it is better that we make a totally clean break.. Oh, for the record, I would still only have asked Nick to pay up to the original loan date. I honestly now wouldn’t want to have Nick’s money, I really don’t need the aggravation, seems I get that every time I ask for anything these days.

I guess shit comes in fucking great trucks these days.

Plan for tomorrow, work out how to dig myself out of my depression, no running to the States this time.