When we’re feeling low, when life seems at it’s worst, when we’re embarrassed or our ego just took a knock, we failed an exam or our beloved pet just died, when life just feels shit, we need to remember:
1. This time in our life will be history
Thinking and believing this one sure fact will stop us thinking we will always feel this way. We all remember horrible moments before and now they’re history, this will be too.
Life is like a beautiful flower, it will only bloom when things have got wet and dirty and it’s been through some shit! But, at the end, we have that flower. We learn and flourish by accepting some shit in our lives, it’s our fertilizer, we do need it.
2. You are not on your own.
Sure, it feels like it, no one could possibly have ever felt this bad. But, there are billions of people alive now and there were many more before this lot were born. There would be thousands or millions of people who knew exactly how we feel now, they may live in your street, you may know them. Disease, death, moving home, divorce, other people know about this, share with them how you feel, ask them how they feel. You are not on our own and, see (1)
3. Other people can mean well.
When we feel low we transfer that onto other people. We don’t trust them, we feel they don’t care, we feel that no one understands us. We become so pessimistic we can’t think anything positive, we actively shut out positive thought because negativity becomes our security blanket. We know if we expect only bad things that we can’t be damaged more with disappointment.
As hard as it is, try to think that perhaps others actually might be looking out for you. They may screw up, they might get their timing wrong but each person you come into contact with, thank them for their time, let them know you appreciate it and mean it.
Sadly, some people cannot be changed, can’t be healed, they are too broken, learn to say ‘no’ occasionally to save your strength for the right people, you may avoid getting in this mess in the first place
4. Make a positive from each situation.
Looking at things differently can work wonders for how you feel. Maybe think back to a time when things were bad but think, where would you honestly be had you been able to change it?
There is some good buried in each experience we have, look hard for it. Stuck on the motorway? if you have bluetooth, make that call to someone you’ve been putting off for ages. Perhaps listen to that album you keep meaning to find time to do. How about ask yourself, how does weather work? How can that tree be so amazing? How lucky am I to actually see the area around me probably for the first time. Smile at the person next to you just because you can.
Grab those negative thoughts you are having and imagine throwing them into a box, I mean, make them an object, tell yourself those thoughts are now that size and they are going into that box. Each time a thought starts appearing, wrap that box tighter until you can eventually dump it or fire it off into space, just for those few moments, be in control of your negativity.
Smile, it won’t do you any harm, it might do you some good
In my life I can pick a positive outcome to each of my disasters in life. Should someone ask me if there is anything I would change if I could I will always answer a firm ‘no’ because I wouldn’t be who I am now without what happened before. Never forget that, if you’ve something special in your life it is there because of the fertilizer of life.
5. Slow down and breathe.
I want you to copy this, it’s really not difficult
Get comfortable, as comfy as you can manage even if it means in the kitchen leaning against the side.
Close yours eyes
Take a quick really deep breath in and
HOLD IT for a slow count of three
As slowly as you can manage, let out that breath
Let’s repeat that
Keep your eyes closed (yes, you will have opened them to read this)
Take a quick really deep breath in and
HOLD IT for a slow count of three
As slowly as you can manage, let out that breath
This time, as that breath leaves tell yourself, “I am feeling relaxed”
Let’s do it again
Close yours eyes
Take a quick really deep breath in and
HOLD IT for a slow count of three
As slowly as you can manage, let out that breath
As you breath out this time, try to feel for your toes and relax them, feel your legs relaxing all the way up your body
Do it again
Close yours eyes
Take a quick really deep breath in and
HOLD IT for a slow count of three
As slowly as you can manage, let out that breath
Keep concentrating on your body, relax each muscle you can feel with your mind
This keeps you in touch with your breathing, it actually slows your heart rate, it frees your mind to think. Grab this moment, think of the most relaxing or most fun times in your life, allow your mind to dream your dreams. Any negative thoughts, push them away, they don’t matter now, they can’t hurt you, not now, not in this place
This is YOUR bubble, you are safe here. Do this over and over as long as you can get away with.
6. Get rid of your minds clutter
We all have jobs we know are there but we didn’t find the time for yet, find the time!
We’ve all heard of the straw which breaks the camels back. Our clutter is our straw. Not paying the bills, putting off the housework, not having that chat with someone because it’s a bit awkward, not tidying the desk … All little things we know are there but we convince ourselves they can wait. We can only convince our conscious mind, our subconscious still works with it each minute of every day and we’re just adding to it, loads of little tasks stored in our brains waiting to be done and, that part of the brain seems to only be able to manage so much before it shuts us down.
Try it, each day do a task you have out off doing and see how you feel in 7 days, I promise you will feel better, think more clearly, smile more.
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Just finished watching Jessica Jones, the final season as best as we know. Luke Cage popped in for a cameo. Excellent series and so sad to see this end along with Daredevil and The Punisher. Luke Cage had lost the plot and Iron Fist never had a plot to lose.