HWA

I can recall that around a year ago my stress levels were rising around this time but back then I blamed it on the continuing crisis with Jermaine. There is good reason now to reconsider that argument.

Looking back it has always been around September or October where I have hit my low point. This could be a seasonal adjustment moving from summer to autumn and onto winter and that long cold slog or, and I feel this is more likely, it is seasonal but related to what happens around this time of year.

The school holidays are drawing to conclusion and they will have been heavily pressured with some many people under one roof at a time and often way too many people once all the kids mates are taken into the equation. Matt will be doing his regular yearly thing of going back to college yet never quite seeming to do so with ever increasing periods at home for alleged ‘study’. I will see myself as yet again putting off an education that is long overdue and looking for ‘me time’ which never seems to quite happen thanks to those that must have my time.

This year I have been warning Matt since May that he needed to sort himself out as he was just giving off vibes that he just didn’t have a clue what would be happening this year with regard to his education. He’d already quite an OK job because he was bored with it and wanted to spend more time with what I refer to as ‘his little friends’ and that’s because most of them are no more than 15 years old. He ‘forgot’ to go to two of his ‘A’ level exams yet continued to put off making any alternate plans besides an ever increasing level of debt to me and no apparent care as to what he needed to do.

He told me a little over a week ago that he’s not doing ‘A’ levels anymore but a HND instead. The impact of that is that I lose all benefits for him, Child Benefit, Income Support … the whole lot to the tune of some £67 a week. If he’d kept up a job over the summer then this would not be an issue but as it is, he knew best (as always) and left things. Now he is making virtually no effort to find a job that will pay him enough to live here so I am feeling blackmailed into subsidising him for as long as it takes for him to get a job. The alternative is to throw him out of the house and make him support himself as the only way to teach him what responsibility is but then … I am me and that would just be really difficult and hurt me like hell but what are my alternatives? I am dealing with an 18 year old who just already knows everything he needs to know about life and will do things according to what he knows to be the case because there just cannot possibly anyone else that knows as much as him and, besides, the golden rule according to Matt is that anything which affects his social life and his time with his little friends has to be avoided.

I am getting that feeling again, that one that says … run away little man, leave them to it.

Matters are not being helped by my beloved. He too needs to find work yet is doing nothing about it which leaves me in an awkward situation with Matt. How can I be on his back whilst John sits at the laptop playing games instead of job hunting?

Why does it have to be that I take all this upon myself? A lottery win would resolve such issues as I just would not care less. I could just say to hell with it and change things but, as it stands, I have few if any options except add to the stress levels until eventually I get ill or something and then they’ll just expect more from me because, after all, I am the bad guy, the one that makes them do stuff they don’t want to do. It’s totally no win.

I can recall that around a year ago my stress levels were rising around this time but back then I blamed it on the continuing crisis with Jermaine. There is good reason now to reconsider that argument.

Looking back it has always been around September or October where I have hit my low point. This could be a seasonal adjustment moving from summer to autumn and onto winter and that long cold slog or, and I feel this is more likely, it is seasonal but related to what happens around this time of year.

The school holidays are drawing to conclusion and they will have been heavily pressured with some many people under one roof at a time and often way too many people once all the kids mates are taken into the equation. Matt will be doing his regular yearly thing of going back to college yet never quite seeming to do so with ever increasing periods at home for alleged ‘study’. I will see myself as yet again putting off an education that is long overdue and looking for ‘me time’ which never seems to quite happen thanks to those that must have my time.

This year I have been warning Matt since May that he needed to sort himself out as he was just giving off vibes that he just didn’t have a clue what would be happening this year with regard to his education. He’d already quite an OK job because he was bored with it and wanted to spend more time with what I refer to as ‘his little friends’ and that’s because most of them are no more than 15 years old. He ‘forgot’ to go to two of his ‘A’ level exams yet continued to put off making any alternate plans besides an ever increasing level of debt to me and no apparent care as to what he needed to do.

He told me a little over a week ago that he’s not doing ‘A’ levels anymore but a HND instead. The impact of that is that I lose all benefits for him, Child Benefit, Income Support … the whole lot to the tune of some £67 a week. If he’d kept up a job over the summer then this would not be an issue but as it is, he knew best (as always) and left things. Now he is making virtually no effort to find a job that will pay him enough to live here so I am feeling blackmailed into subsidising him for as long as it takes for him to get a job. The alternative is to throw him out of the house and make him support himself as the only way to teach him what responsibility is but then … I am me and that would just be really difficult and hurt me like hell but what are my alternatives? I am dealing with an 18 year old who just already knows everything he needs to know about life and will do things according to what he knows to be the case because there just cannot possibly anyone else that knows as much as him and, besides, the golden rule according to Matt is that anything which affects his social life and his time with his little friends has to be avoided.

I am getting that feeling again, that one that says … run away little man, leave them to it.

Matters are not being helped by my beloved. He too needs to find work yet is doing nothing about it which leaves me in an awkward situation with Matt. How can I be on his back whilst John sits at the laptop playing games instead of job hunting?

Why does it have to be that I take all this upon myself? A lottery win would resolve such issues as I just would not care less. I could just say to hell with it and change things but, as it stands, I have few if any options except add to the stress levels until eventually I get ill or something and then they’ll just expect more from me because, after all, I am the bad guy, the one that makes them do stuff they don’t want to do. It’s totally no win.

John and I have been together now for 6 weeks, he’s been living here for most of that time and it works amazingly well. If anything things have gone from very good to far better … I could not have asked for me.

It’s true that he is a little quirky, some of my friends may have trouble adjusting to him, certainly there have been some comments but that’s fine. I’d like my friends to like him too but if they don’t it’s not an issue, it will just mean I see them less of course.

I finally got all my home finances sorted and boy what a relief that is. I so hate having debts and that one went on for way too long. Speaking of debts … my Matt still seems to think that the amount of money he owes me is kind of optional, he’ll repay it when he feels ready and not before. Daisy seems to think that destroying her current mobile phone is a good way to get a new one … it isn’t.

My car has taken a battering and not least from Matt who thought using scourers on it to remove stubborn stains was a good idea. That is a bonnet and both front wings need a respray now which I can’t afford and won’t be able to afford. I have also lost a bit off the front, it just fell off as I was driving along the motorway. That’s a cost of £150+, something else I am not going to do.

We seem to be waiting forever for John’s new birth certificate to arrive which is dead annoying as we can’t get a passport until that gets here. Actually, I am really annoyed about that.

There is loads to arrange regarding where Jermaine is going to go next and I don’t seem to be getting any support from the health authority and I believe my liaison there has just gone on vacation for two weeks as well.

Am tempted to hold a party but not sure if I can be arsed.

One guy called Phil from Milton Keynes was a total arse hole over the punting. He considers that I was out of order thanking people for turning up to the event and letting anyone know how good that made me feel as, in his opinion, such events don’t get arranged they just happen. No one person organises such things he tells me and he is totally sure as several others told him that Tony would not have approved of my actions during or after the event. He went on to say I had no right to speculate as to whether or not I arranged another for next year, this again was irrelevant as such things didn’t need organising and it sure as hell was not my event (apparently)

I guess out of over 60 that turned up, one miserable little shit is bound to be there. If he has some cowardly little shits that were also there that made him their spokesman well more fool them!

Punting is one of those events that does have a momentum all its own but, that said, it still won’t happen unless someone makes it happen and I am still really pleased that so many turned up last month and even more so that they appeared to have such a great time.

John and I have been together now for 6 weeks, he’s been living here for most of that time and it works amazingly well. If anything things have gone from very good to far better … I could not have asked for me.

It’s true that he is a little quirky, some of my friends may have trouble adjusting to him, certainly there have been some comments but that’s fine. I’d like my friends to like him too but if they don’t it’s not an issue, it will just mean I see them less of course.

I finally got all my home finances sorted and boy what a relief that is. I so hate having debts and that one went on for way too long. Speaking of debts … my Matt still seems to think that the amount of money he owes me is kind of optional, he’ll repay it when he feels ready and not before. Daisy seems to think that destroying her current mobile phone is a good way to get a new one … it isn’t.

My car has taken a battering and not least from Matt who thought using scourers on it to remove stubborn stains was a good idea. That is a bonnet and both front wings need a respray now which I can’t afford and won’t be able to afford. I have also lost a bit off the front, it just fell off as I was driving along the motorway. That’s a cost of £150+, something else I am not going to do.

We seem to be waiting forever for John’s new birth certificate to arrive which is dead annoying as we can’t get a passport until that gets here. Actually, I am really annoyed about that.

There is loads to arrange regarding where Jermaine is going to go next and I don’t seem to be getting any support from the health authority and I believe my liaison there has just gone on vacation for two weeks as well.

Am tempted to hold a party but not sure if I can be arsed.

One guy called Phil from Milton Keynes was a total arse hole over the punting. He considers that I was out of order thanking people for turning up to the event and letting anyone know how good that made me feel as, in his opinion, such events don’t get arranged they just happen. No one person organises such things he tells me and he is totally sure as several others told him that Tony would not have approved of my actions during or after the event. He went on to say I had no right to speculate as to whether or not I arranged another for next year, this again was irrelevant as such things didn’t need organising and it sure as hell was not my event (apparently)

I guess out of over 60 that turned up, one miserable little shit is bound to be there. If he has some cowardly little shits that were also there that made him their spokesman well more fool them!

Punting is one of those events that does have a momentum all its own but, that said, it still won’t happen unless someone makes it happen and I am still really pleased that so many turned up last month and even more so that they appeared to have such a great time.