HWA

It was a good weekend with the guys and I was sad to leave but I needed to at some point and I was feeling real tired so staying longer would not have been sensible. I was so tired that I don’t think I said a proper goodbye and thanks to Gary as I intended to, I am such an idiot at times.

After dropping Gary off I drove past Tony’s place. I was thinking I could stop but then, I didn’t know what he was doing. I had not called first as I promise I will and, to be honest, I was too tired to be in control of myself and I doubt Tony needs a blubbering mess visiting him.

Soon after I got back I was bombarded by Daisy being a little moo. She had been one all weekend and Matt had rightly grounded her. Actually, had she been more honest with me she would have just been stuck with one week grounded. As it happened, she now has two. It was great to be home to the arguments and the screaming, a wake up call.

I decided to call Tony, I couldn’t keep going not having spoken to him and I am so glad I did. He sounds awful, I mean, really bad. I cried myself silly when I got off the phone but am glad I didn’t make another excuse not to call. There will be plenty of time not to be able to speak to him; I don’t want to waste any chance I get now.

Called Pete once I had calmed down just to offer him love and support, I really just want to so hug him and not let him go.

Nick called later and asked me to visit tomorrow and said that maybe he could come to the airport with me to pick up Danny & Dan, I hope so but it is late. Tony asked me to go wake him when we got back so he can see me.

It was a good weekend with the guys and I was sad to leave but I needed to at some point and I was feeling real tired so staying longer would not have been sensible. I was so tired that I don’t think I said a proper goodbye and thanks to Gary as I intended to, I am such an idiot at times.

After dropping Gary off I drove past Tony’s place. I was thinking I could stop but then, I didn’t know what he was doing. I had not called first as I promise I will and, to be honest, I was too tired to be in control of myself and I doubt Tony needs a blubbering mess visiting him.

Soon after I got back I was bombarded by Daisy being a little moo. She had been one all weekend and Matt had rightly grounded her. Actually, had she been more honest with me she would have just been stuck with one week grounded. As it happened, she now has two. It was great to be home to the arguments and the screaming, a wake up call.

I decided to call Tony, I couldn’t keep going not having spoken to him and I am so glad I did. He sounds awful, I mean, really bad. I cried myself silly when I got off the phone but am glad I didn’t make another excuse not to call. There will be plenty of time not to be able to speak to him; I don’t want to waste any chance I get now.

Called Pete once I had calmed down just to offer him love and support, I really just want to so hug him and not let him go.

Nick called later and asked me to visit tomorrow and said that maybe he could come to the airport with me to pick up Danny & Dan, I hope so but it is late. Tony asked me to go wake him when we got back so he can see me.

I really appreciated Gary and Tom asking me over to Gary’s place in Clacton and both of them are really nice guys, well suited to each other and both good at conversation. I was a little worried about the car journey with Tom yesterday but needn’t have, we talked about everything and nothing most of the way there and it made the trip a lot quicker than it would had we sat there saying nothing.

Strange really, Tom spent such a long time totally ignoring me when we first met like I was a different species yet, here we are, friends, it’s kind of nice.

We took a drive into Colchester. Now, I lived in Essex for over 30 years yet never went there. The closest I got was a school trip I was really looking forward to which would have been something like my 12 or 13 birthday. I got sick on the way to school and spent the day in bed instead … I had some of the most fun birthdays as a kid which I like to thick I have carried into adult hood.

Anyway, this is the first time I have been to Colchester and it is really not a bad town. Loads of varied stores and not just chain store hell like most places are. I had a Cornish Pasty that seemed anything but Cornish to me but nice all the same. As it happens, we didn’t get what we went there to get so headed back off to Clacton where Gary was finally able to buy a filter coffee maker then back to the house for the long awaited coffee.

In the evening Gary and I went for a walk into the town. It is chav city, Adidas hell and nothing like I remembered it. True, what I remembered wasn’t brilliant but I do recall how the building were always smart and looked after whereas now they are just rubbish and falling apart.

When we got to the pier I got a little emotional. I looked to my right and the memories of all those holidays as a kid flooded back and my mum was there and it was warm and safe and the tears were flowing. It was short lived but really nice for a while. Sure, it’s upsetting but also comforting to remember someone so vividly like that.

Later we found ourselves in Pizza Hut. I wasn’t really hungry and seem to have spent way too much time recently over eating but it was nice to be with Gary and Tom just chilling out.

I really appreciated Gary and Tom asking me over to Gary’s place in Clacton and both of them are really nice guys, well suited to each other and both good at conversation. I was a little worried about the car journey with Tom yesterday but needn’t have, we talked about everything and nothing most of the way there and it made the trip a lot quicker than it would had we sat there saying nothing.

Strange really, Tom spent such a long time totally ignoring me when we first met like I was a different species yet, here we are, friends, it’s kind of nice.

We took a drive into Colchester. Now, I lived in Essex for over 30 years yet never went there. The closest I got was a school trip I was really looking forward to which would have been something like my 12 or 13 birthday. I got sick on the way to school and spent the day in bed instead … I had some of the most fun birthdays as a kid which I like to thick I have carried into adult hood.

Anyway, this is the first time I have been to Colchester and it is really not a bad town. Loads of varied stores and not just chain store hell like most places are. I had a Cornish Pasty that seemed anything but Cornish to me but nice all the same. As it happens, we didn’t get what we went there to get so headed back off to Clacton where Gary was finally able to buy a filter coffee maker then back to the house for the long awaited coffee.

In the evening Gary and I went for a walk into the town. It is chav city, Adidas hell and nothing like I remembered it. True, what I remembered wasn’t brilliant but I do recall how the building were always smart and looked after whereas now they are just rubbish and falling apart.

When we got to the pier I got a little emotional. I looked to my right and the memories of all those holidays as a kid flooded back and my mum was there and it was warm and safe and the tears were flowing. It was short lived but really nice for a while. Sure, it’s upsetting but also comforting to remember someone so vividly like that.

Later we found ourselves in Pizza Hut. I wasn’t really hungry and seem to have spent way too much time recently over eating but it was nice to be with Gary and Tom just chilling out.