Monday, yes, I know today is Thursday but I have just not been in a blogging kind of mood.

Meeting at Hargrave House in Rushden where Jermaine is currently staying to be assessed.

I was hoping that the point of this assessment was to move things along, to more easily and confidently define what could and could not be done with Jermaine and which some sort on intervention should occur regardless of his wishes. Sadly, it doesn’t look like that is the case at all. It appears that this is really more of a ‘get to know you’ session so that health can know more about him before he goes into short term care.

It appears that they have made a bit of a cock up too by not taking down notes for the first couple of weeks so what they have now is undocumented reports from several different people that are not really of much use to anyone.

Social Services, it would seem, would rather just pull out now that they feel health is taking over. Apparently inter-agency working is not yet a reality but they hope at some point in the future it will be, like I can just hang around for a few years waiting!

Generally there was only one positive to come from this meeting. I do now know at least two lots of respite dates of a week each. Not brilliant but better than nothing.

The rest of this week I have not really done much. Some major cleaning here and there but nothing too significant.

Last night Paul called from a phone box and asked me to call him back when he got home which I did some 1:45 later. He sounded pissed in the background and was really abusive to his mother, I was not impressed. On the phone previously he had told me that he was really missing me.

He never did come to the phone last night or call me back and I think this may be a good thing. To be honest, he scares me quite a bit as he is totally not in control of his life and drinks way too much.

This morning he called again and spoke to Daisy. She thought he was just being a twat when he kept insisting to her like she was some sort of idiot that I had to call him back. Needless to say I didn’t and nor do I plan on doing so or answering his calls. What I am going to is send him a letter explaining that he really has to get real and stop with all this fantasy shit about being in love with me and missing me. He can’t possibly be either. I am in no position to so much as entertain the concept and neither do I want to be, I am happy with Nick now and that’s my way forward.

Monday, yes, I know today is Thursday but I have just not been in a blogging kind of mood.

Meeting at Hargrave House in Rushden where Jermaine is currently staying to be assessed.

I was hoping that the point of this assessment was to move things along, to more easily and confidently define what could and could not be done with Jermaine and which some sort on intervention should occur regardless of his wishes. Sadly, it doesn’t look like that is the case at all. It appears that this is really more of a ‘get to know you’ session so that health can know more about him before he goes into short term care.

It appears that they have made a bit of a cock up too by not taking down notes for the first couple of weeks so what they have now is undocumented reports from several different people that are not really of much use to anyone.

Social Services, it would seem, would rather just pull out now that they feel health is taking over. Apparently inter-agency working is not yet a reality but they hope at some point in the future it will be, like I can just hang around for a few years waiting!

Generally there was only one positive to come from this meeting. I do now know at least two lots of respite dates of a week each. Not brilliant but better than nothing.

The rest of this week I have not really done much. Some major cleaning here and there but nothing too significant.

Last night Paul called from a phone box and asked me to call him back when he got home which I did some 1:45 later. He sounded pissed in the background and was really abusive to his mother, I was not impressed. On the phone previously he had told me that he was really missing me.

He never did come to the phone last night or call me back and I think this may be a good thing. To be honest, he scares me quite a bit as he is totally not in control of his life and drinks way too much.

This morning he called again and spoke to Daisy. She thought he was just being a twat when he kept insisting to her like she was some sort of idiot that I had to call him back. Needless to say I didn’t and nor do I plan on doing so or answering his calls. What I am going to is send him a letter explaining that he really has to get real and stop with all this fantasy shit about being in love with me and missing me. He can’t possibly be either. I am in no position to so much as entertain the concept and neither do I want to be, I am happy with Nick now and that’s my way forward.

I have known Paul most of my life, since we were both around 5 years of age so that is a long time.

He was always way down there at school in the ‘way to thick to be useful’ category and left with no qualifications at all and has been working in the same pub doing the same job most of his life.

Well, he wanted to stay here again yesterday and though he stayed here before I had not realised the nocturnal problem he posed. Last time we went to bed quite late, me in my bed and him on the z-bed. I must have gone to sleep very quickly and heavily, well, I was ill do I guess that is possible. This time was different. He was pissed for starters, he has panic attacks and doesn’t believe in medication, he’d rather do booze to resolve all problems. Well, we got back and went to bed eventually at around 11pm or so. I was feeling quite tired so was glad to hit the sack. I was actually so tired I decided not to bother with the z-bed this time but share my (single) bed. Oh dear, that was a mistake! He kept me up for hours with his stupid talking and laughing. I couldn’t hear most of it with my hearing aids out but he just went on and on. He is also bisexual so was touching me up a lot (and getting nowhere) but also having fun himself and cumming about three times I seem to recall. Not exactly the kind of social interaction I am used to on an uninvited basis. My patience ran out around 4am when I sent him firmly down to the lounge to do what he needed to do on the sofa and I got some sleep!

We had met Sian, Callum and Nick (eyes go dreamy) at the Boston Clipper earlier yesterday evening and I was too embarrassed by the way Paul behaves to go with them to Molly’s and I really wanted to … OK, I really wanted to spend whatever time I could with Nick. He’s going on holiday next week and I am going to miss him terribly. We keep saying we ‘care’ for each other. My logical mind says we cannot be in love but my heart is telling me that’s bollox so I don’t know what to think just now other than I miss him when he isn’t here.

Paul left at 2:25 and boy what a relief!

Memo to self … if Paul asks to visit again, I am busy

I have known Paul most of my life, since we were both around 5 years of age so that is a long time.

He was always way down there at school in the ‘way to thick to be useful’ category and left with no qualifications at all and has been working in the same pub doing the same job most of his life.

Well, he wanted to stay here again yesterday and though he stayed here before I had not realised the nocturnal problem he posed. Last time we went to bed quite late, me in my bed and him on the z-bed. I must have gone to sleep very quickly and heavily, well, I was ill do I guess that is possible. This time was different. He was pissed for starters, he has panic attacks and doesn’t believe in medication, he’d rather do booze to resolve all problems. Well, we got back and went to bed eventually at around 11pm or so. I was feeling quite tired so was glad to hit the sack. I was actually so tired I decided not to bother with the z-bed this time but share my (single) bed. Oh dear, that was a mistake! He kept me up for hours with his stupid talking and laughing. I couldn’t hear most of it with my hearing aids out but he just went on and on. He is also bisexual so was touching me up a lot (and getting nowhere) but also having fun himself and cumming about three times I seem to recall. Not exactly the kind of social interaction I am used to on an uninvited basis. My patience ran out around 4am when I sent him firmly down to the lounge to do what he needed to do on the sofa and I got some sleep!

We had met Sian, Callum and Nick (eyes go dreamy) at the Boston Clipper earlier yesterday evening and I was too embarrassed by the way Paul behaves to go with them to Molly’s and I really wanted to … OK, I really wanted to spend whatever time I could with Nick. He’s going on holiday next week and I am going to miss him terribly. We keep saying we ‘care’ for each other. My logical mind says we cannot be in love but my heart is telling me that’s bollox so I don’t know what to think just now other than I miss him when he isn’t here.

Paul left at 2:25 and boy what a relief!

Memo to self … if Paul asks to visit again, I am busy