Whether the weather or something else, I feel total doom, gloom and other things crap today.

No matter what I am doing to try and get myself enthused I can’t get there.

It’s been evening since I got up this morning, you know, like it is this time of year.

The sun has left for a better place and the cloud cover takes over everything, trees are settling in for a long winter and the birds have flown to warmer places. Smiles are few and far between and have been for some time. The best we can do is plan for Christmas yet we know it will be the same as last Christmas, a day of hope and anticipation never quite matched by the reality.

To be fair, this is not a bad feeling, it’s borderline contentment but that’s a feeling somewhat alien to me and I am suspicious of it, don’t trust good feelings as they tend not to last but just tease me momentarily, enough to get me to let my guard down and be hammered by someone. It is a habit I need to get out of but some habits are hard to break.

A strange thing is, I am not enjoying going to bed or staying in bed now. Whilst I value my freedom and need to have self expression, to come and go as I please, I also miss just having someone else there for me, to be there when I am shivering at night, to hug me, to complain about my snoring!

This coming week is one of those that get busier as the week progresses and I think that’s bugging me. That and knowing my car is also going to take up some time isn’t helping. There is so much still to do with everything and it just takes a lot of organising to keep on top of it all. Oh for an easy 9 – 5 job!