Month: February 2006

What with it being Valentines day it is a red letter day for millions up and down the UK and across the world but not for me as usual. But then, had something arrived it would have been anonymous, you know, there is someone out there who is my ideal man, the love of my life if he’d only call and tell me!

The time is now 11:33 in the morning and I can smell a lovely lamb joint cooking for our dinner later, yummy. This will be the third roast dinner in a row but I can live with that.

Martyn sounds a little more optimistic about the panto reading very deeply between the lines, possibly, maybe? I’ll find out on Saturday. At least that will be the last night so everyone should hopefully be quite relaxed and not trying to kill each other with visual daggers. I am still undecided as to what I shall do at the weekend. Obviously I have the panto but it is a long way to go just for a few short hours, I really feel like I need to arrange something else too but just can’t make my mind up what. It will probably be raining as well which will limit my options still further.

Robin is going through a rough patch, I blame the weather myself, and it’s enough to drive anyone into the doldrums. I think it is also that there are very few regular and long term projects going on at the moment and the nice things to look forward to are so far off. Depression is a horrible thing and I am glad I don’t get it very often now but having been there, I do know what it is like and wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

This morning I didn’t get up until half past ten, I was quite impressed by that as I hardly ever sleep in that late.

Watched a movie last night ‘me and you everyone we know’ and it was really good
))<>((

As an ‘art’ movie I was expecting it to be a little dull and farty with no real story but a deeply hidden meaning but it wasn’t like that at all. There was a real story behind it and lots of well thought out additions and sub texts which lead to a general feeling that a great deal of thought went into this movie. The acting was generally excellent and the way certain situations, some adult/child scenarios were switched around to make them acceptable made a very clear point about the way society views such things. Well done.

What with it being Valentines day it is a red letter day for millions up and down the UK and across the world but not for me as usual. But then, had something arrived it would have been anonymous, you know, there is someone out there who is my ideal man, the love of my life if he’d only call and tell me!

The time is now 11:33 in the morning and I can smell a lovely lamb joint cooking for our dinner later, yummy. This will be the third roast dinner in a row but I can live with that.

Martyn sounds a little more optimistic about the panto reading very deeply between the lines, possibly, maybe? I’ll find out on Saturday. At least that will be the last night so everyone should hopefully be quite relaxed and not trying to kill each other with visual daggers. I am still undecided as to what I shall do at the weekend. Obviously I have the panto but it is a long way to go just for a few short hours, I really feel like I need to arrange something else too but just can’t make my mind up what. It will probably be raining as well which will limit my options still further.

Robin is going through a rough patch, I blame the weather myself, and it’s enough to drive anyone into the doldrums. I think it is also that there are very few regular and long term projects going on at the moment and the nice things to look forward to are so far off. Depression is a horrible thing and I am glad I don’t get it very often now but having been there, I do know what it is like and wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

This morning I didn’t get up until half past ten, I was quite impressed by that as I hardly ever sleep in that late.

Watched a movie last night ‘me and you everyone we know’ and it was really good
))<>((

As an ‘art’ movie I was expecting it to be a little dull and farty with no real story but a deeply hidden meaning but it wasn’t like that at all. There was a real story behind it and lots of well thought out additions and sub texts which lead to a general feeling that a great deal of thought went into this movie. The acting was generally excellent and the way certain situations, some adult/child scenarios were switched around to make them acceptable made a very clear point about the way society views such things. Well done.

I found out earlier on today that this could now be about to happen.

A date of March 2nd has been arranged for Jermaine to go to the Chalfont Centre initially for an assessment of at least 4 weeks but up to 8 and then he just may never come home again.

This is particularly difficult because as per usual, I can deal with a certainty, it is all up in the air. My idea was that he went for a brief assessment and then came home whilst we prepared him and us and then went back again for good a few weeks later in a big move with all his things and we’d all be ready. This just doesn’t feel right, it’s like he is on remand and we have no idea until the court case what is happening.

Needless to say I feel weird, I don’t really know how to feel. It is a kind of grief but underlying that is a need to feel relieved that I can’t do. That was part of my vision of what would happen, a great deal of upset that he has gone but also relief that we can finally be a ‘normal’ family again. I just don’t think I like this idea at all and will need to do a lot of thinking and talking to get my head around it.

… and in other news … the kids start half term today, seems barely a week since they went back to school but here we are again and on Friday I have to go pick up Jermaine from respite for what is possibly his last stay here and I feel so terribly guilty about that. OK, dropped back again into the same subject there.

Met Nick for lunch, he was quite impressed by my wearing of lycra tops again and I am very proud of myself too. I keep seeing myself in the mirror and it is so good to look like me again. I did make the mistake of having a couple of biscuits for lunch so now I have to try and get myself hungry enough to have dinner, worse yet, I am supposed to be cooking it or buying it.

What I like about my weight loss is it is all about me. I took an illness, a bad situation and turned it to my advantage and with quite a lot of effort I look good again, look healthy and feel better. This is the first time I have done this on my own without anyone to encourage me without anyone to compete with, no challenge to lose weight by a certain date or a holiday, just me wanting to do this for me and it’s quite an achievement.

I found out earlier on today that this could now be about to happen.

A date of March 2nd has been arranged for Jermaine to go to the Chalfont Centre initially for an assessment of at least 4 weeks but up to 8 and then he just may never come home again.

This is particularly difficult because as per usual, I can deal with a certainty, it is all up in the air. My idea was that he went for a brief assessment and then came home whilst we prepared him and us and then went back again for good a few weeks later in a big move with all his things and we’d all be ready. This just doesn’t feel right, it’s like he is on remand and we have no idea until the court case what is happening.

Needless to say I feel weird, I don’t really know how to feel. It is a kind of grief but underlying that is a need to feel relieved that I can’t do. That was part of my vision of what would happen, a great deal of upset that he has gone but also relief that we can finally be a ‘normal’ family again. I just don’t think I like this idea at all and will need to do a lot of thinking and talking to get my head around it.

… and in other news … the kids start half term today, seems barely a week since they went back to school but here we are again and on Friday I have to go pick up Jermaine from respite for what is possibly his last stay here and I feel so terribly guilty about that. OK, dropped back again into the same subject there.

Met Nick for lunch, he was quite impressed by my wearing of lycra tops again and I am very proud of myself too. I keep seeing myself in the mirror and it is so good to look like me again. I did make the mistake of having a couple of biscuits for lunch so now I have to try and get myself hungry enough to have dinner, worse yet, I am supposed to be cooking it or buying it.

What I like about my weight loss is it is all about me. I took an illness, a bad situation and turned it to my advantage and with quite a lot of effort I look good again, look healthy and feel better. This is the first time I have done this on my own without anyone to encourage me without anyone to compete with, no challenge to lose weight by a certain date or a holiday, just me wanting to do this for me and it’s quite an achievement.