Be Careful What You Ask For

I had one weird dream last night, I blame my new trend of going to bed at a sensible time personally. Well, it would be ‘personally’ as I just said ‘I’ so that was just pointless, a total waste of words just like … well, like most of that first it was but I shall say no more about it … back to the dream:

I was happily doing my dreamy thing, not really going anywhere, not doing much when I became aware of some guys talking to me, not British guys but American. They were asking me what was wrong, why I had stopped all of a sudden.

Looking around me I didn’t recognise anyone so much as to name them but I did vaguely know where I was, again, not enough to name it but it was familiar. The guys were acting weird now like I was meant to know what I was doing, where I was going. All I could do was to think up some story “look man, I feel weird, I can’t think straight, walk me though this yeah?” Even odder, it didn’t sound like me, the dialect, the accent, was that me?

We were entering some sort of secure location but it was clearly educational. We each had to give thumb prints recognition to get in the sliding doors and there were cameras everywhere. If this was a university then it was some high class joint. I sat through the ‘lesson’ with the words going over my head, I had no idea what algorithms that were on about, complicated words, a different language to me yet the other guys seemed to be lapping it up.

During the break I went to the bathroom, see, there I go again with the Americanism. This was the first time I had seen myself since this crazy time had started. Wow, geez, is that me? I could understand now why I felt so different, why I had a bounce in my step. Wanted to leap over desks, slide down the stairs … the person looking back at me must have been 6’ 2”, broad shoulders, blonde hair, Californian tan and couldn’t have been more than his mid twenties. I – he was gorgeous but how the hell?

I muddled through the rest of the day, boy was this heavy stuff, all that designer clothing, it was amazing.

There was one guy seemed to talk to me more than the others, I had to hope we had some special friendship as when I left this place I was in shit street, no idea where to go, I didn’t have a clue where I was, how could I know where to go?

“Walk home with me?” I said, hoping this didn’t sound too forward. At this stage I had no idea who this guy was whose body I was in, I couldn’t assume anything.

“Not got your car man? Jules not going back with you man, c’mon, you been talking about this weekend all week man”

“Jules?” I had no idea, time for a fishing trip … is this Julian, Julie? Hell!

“Oh Dave, you crack me up with that kiddin’ you do, hey, maybe bring her by my place tomorrow night?

Oh fuck ‘her?’ Oh shit, what the hell do I do with a ‘her’?

I had to find out more … “Hey, John”

“John? Why you calling me that, you know my name is Mike man, you going weird, I swear you are”

Good, I knew this was Mike now. “Mike, Hey, I was speaking to some Brit last night on MSN, he calls everyone John, seems like that’s what they do where he comes from, thought I’d try it out for size – You know I’ve been feeling weird man, where did I stow the car?”

“Dave man, you’re getting me worried now, perhaps I’d better let you drive me home before you go pick up Jules, you do remember how to drive don’t you?” Mike said it as a joke but not very deep down I could tell he was having some real concerns.

“Sure, sure I do, Show me the way to your place though, my head hurts, some weird headache, it won’t go. I’ve not been to Jules’s place from yours before, I’ll get lost for sure. Call Jules for me, tell her I will meet her there” I was having to think on my feet here, I had no idea who anyone here was including me.

Mike stopped by this Merc, “Man, you do got your keys don’t you?”

OK, a nice convertible Merc, apparently this would be my car, I had to assume the keys in my pocket were the rights ones.

I dropped Mike off and then went to see Jules, she was a stunner, the kind of girl any jock would want to go for but I wasn’t any jock. I was a 42 year old poof in the body of a guy half my age who was apparently straight. A guy that was lusting after some other guy called Mike who was probably his best friend; I was someone who could really seriously screw things up for a lot of people.

Jules and me had a beer together, she seemed really nice, not an air head, I mean, this girl was intelligent and attractive and she was clearly smitten with me. I thought about it for a while, there was only one thing I could do right now, there were already too many complications. “Jules, you know how I feel about you but right now there is some heavy shit going on in my life, I need some space. You know, it’s not you, it’s me (Was I really saying that shit?) Can we like, cool it for a while?”

OK, that didn’t go down too well, there was a subtle hint of the slap across my face for starters, could have knocked my glasses off … glasses, I didn’t need them, I hadn’t noticed before and no hearing aids either, this was weird. I spend most of my life wanting not to have these things and then, when I don’t have them I am unaware of the change. This got me to thinking, what else was I missing? I may not know where I am but I also know where I am not. I am not at home with the kids, who is? Oh my God, if I am here then maybe this young has it all is at home with my kids.

Looking at my divers licence I manage to work out where I live and thankfully I have my own apartment. When I say ‘apartment’ this is not as we would think of a flat, no, this had the same sort of space as my entire house, it was huge. Every conceivable gadget, no expense spared. Whoever ‘Dave’ was he was loaded.

I poured myself a beer from his well stocked cooler and pondered. My first urge was to get back to the kids, to sort out what needed sorting out, to somehow get my body and my life back but wait … Here I am with everything I could ever want, my every wish answered, hell, I could even turn myself on by looking in the mirror, ‘I’ fancied myself! I was an OK age, the guys would understand if I suddenly turned gay, I could drop out of whatever that was, it almost certainly wasn’t what paid for all this, I could start my life again, a new body, money to spare, great looks and in a new country. Hell, maybe I could even meet up with the kids at some point, maybe I could be friends with Matt and we could arrange a holiday or something? But wait, I was crying inside. This isn’t my life, whatever ‘he’ can offer the kids, there is no way that Dave could be their dad. Hell, getting my body and my life the guy is probably in therapy and on drugs by now. No, I know what I am giving up but I have to get home.

The plane journey home was a long and tortured one. Was I doing the right thing? Could I change this? How can I get my own body back? Using Dave’s credit card I got myself a taxi from the airport, it cost a fortune, I figured he could afford it and I’d be doing him a favour too. Within a few hours I was home and had to knock on my own door. Daisy answered and I asked if her dad was in so she called out for me, I mean ‘him’. She stared at me for an age and I became aware that she was attracted to me, hell no, that was just too wrong on so many different levels!

I/he arrived at the door as normal as anything. “Dave?” I asked expecting this guy to fall to my feet in sudden realisation he was not mad.

“No, Steve, who are you?” He replied to my utter astonishment.

“You mean, you haven’t noticed anything weird in your life at all recently, haven’t felt out of place at all? Surely he had to have felt something didn’t he?

“I’m sorry he said, I don’t know you but would you like a coffee?” He smiled and our eyes met for possibly the first time.

“Sure I said, my names Dave, sorry about the mix up, someone said we had met somewhere before but they must have screwed up. You got kids I see but you are gay right? I said, please don’t let that bit be fucked up.

“Yeah, how’d you know, is it that obvious?” Came Steve’s reply

“Well, maybe I was just kinda hoping” I joked with him and Steve smiled back.

Matt walked in and Steve introduced me, I mean, I introduced myself or, hell, I guess I just have to think quick here. Whatever happened to me didn’t happen to ‘me’. I can’t explain it but, two minds are better than one and well, I did know him quite well and, you know, from where I was sitting he/I was really quite attractive for an old bloke!

“I am sorry, Dave, this is my second eldest, Matt” Steve introduced Matt to me and the strangest thing happened. Matt hugged me.

“Hey Matt, do you always give hugs to guys you have just been introduced to?” I asked a little confused, I know Matt and there was just an outside chance he fancied me, fancied Dave.

“Nah, you just sorta fit in, you and my dad seem a like somehow, I dunno, sounds dumb but you just sort of work together” On that, Matt left the room.

“Sorry about that” Said Steve “But Matt is normally a very good judge, I trust his views on this” Steve smirked and gave me that cheeky grin I knew to mean he fancied me something stupid but he’d never say more than that.

“So, Steve … let’s go with his judgement then, do you think you could fancy a guy like me?

“Hell Dave, you’re kidding right? I mean, guys like you, I mean, good looking guys, they don’t go for guys like me” Steve was sincere and I remembered, he was right, they really didn’t.

“Steve, they do now. I don’t really know why I am here but I do know that here is where I am meant to be. Don’t worry about anything anymore, not the kids, not money, not about being alone” I meant it too, this just felt so right.

“Dave, it’s weird, seeing you sitting there is like seeing the part of me that was missing”.

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