Had my rheumatology appointment earlier but the results of the blood tests were inconclusive which is really annoying. The only conclusion the consultant had was that I probably have arthritis but she is not sure which one and there was just a slight chance that my problems may just be as a result of the virus I had last October and if it is, it should be gone by the autumn. I’m hopeful of the latter but suspect I may not be so lucky but what a wonderful thing to happen. Get my throat declared ‘all clear’ (please) and discover I don’t have arthritis but just the aftershock of a very nasty virus. Just after I find that out I am going to decide what to spend my lottery winnings on!
But seriously, fingers crossed. Add one more, Jermaine is not as bad as they thought at first and they have a cure. 2006 has the potential to be a very emotional year one way or another.
Still, there is light on the horizon, a candle at the end of the log flume. I am meeting with Simon next month and am hopeful the old feelings are still there. A relationship as we’d like would be problematic right now but he’s a good man, I can wait.
The damaged wing mirror that I didn’t mention before will cost me £30 to repair but that could have been so much worse.
I have this weekend off and whilst peace and quiet seem like a good idea, I am actually missing constant adult company like I had on holiday.
Probably now would be a good time to chat a little about Martyn. It’s true to say that I was in love with him now that is not the case. In a way, what is there is nicer and less complicated. I love him but as a friend, like I did Tony. Never wanting a relationship but valuing the friendship and understanding that we had and I have with Martyn. Love is like that though, it’s just a feeling and can change with time and experience. Some people are scared of loving others in case they get hurt but not me. The wonderment of having kids has shown me that we are eac capable of unlimited love on all sort of levels. It can be a deep feeling that I could never be without that person or just a warm feeling I get around them as one of the few that really know me, perhaps values me as a person rather than just seeing me as a shag or someone to make up the numbers. The only real regret I had in GC (apart from the incident with the cleaner) is that Martyn and I didn’t spend that evening together in the moonlight as it was truly amazing. Just standing there would have been so much better even if no words were spoken, no touching, just being aware that another human was there with me, sharing that magical moment. I am not sure if Martyn could understand that, appreciate that I am just saying that as friends and nothing more. There is nothing on this planet I would have liked more then to have shared that moment with Tony or Pete or any of my other mates just not alone, good as it was.
Did I mention my new lounge? Boy I like my new lounge. Thing is, there is some sort of naughty guilt thing I feel being here, it is just so peaceful and just so lovely to have me time but the kids can come and chat with me and snuggle if they want. I am just so lucky to have a house this big to have done it, just so sorry that I had to lose a son to have done it too but probably best not go there else I’ll have myself blubbering. He’s not dead yet for heaven’s sake!
Oh, blogger screwed up so apologies for duplicate thingy