A yearly event

Me losing kids seems to be a yearly event and it’s probably the toughest thing I have had to deal with in all my life with the possible exception of my mum dyeing on me in 1986.

Matt has decided to go though I don’t know the details just yet. I suspect they are not very well thought out. He’s also got lucky yet again with another cheque for a four figure sum landing in his lap so he’s not actually having to make any financial commitment to this venture, it’s just an easy solution to his current problem and once again he’s running away. The difference is that this time the safety net is gone.

If I am hopeful of anything though not optimistic, it is that he may just see this is a chance to take some responsibility in life and not arrange things just to make himself look popular. In particular I would aim this at the way he treats Daisy. No more being the idol brother but time to take the lead and steer her in the right direction and to keep me informed all the time so she doesn’t go ever deeper down.

On that note, he told me that Dan (boyfriend) has been supplying Daisy with fags against my wishes obviously. I sat him down and spoke to him directly about it a few weeks back and said that I was trusting him with her but that if he crossed me that would be the end to it … he crossed me, he’s history.

Daisy is now totally grounded and banned from going anywhere unless an adult I trust is with her and that is not going to be easy to arrange. I have also taken her phone away from her. She can have friends over but only with my permission if I am here and at all times the bedroom door has to be left wide open. No one is allowed to stay over any more.

Kris, the kids mother has agreed to babysit them next week whilst John and I go to France but I got the impression that it is with great reluctance. I could hear that immigrant scum husband of hers complaining like hell in the background that he didn’t want them there. If I can find a workaround I shall. On the subject of Kris … I sorted out a computer for her to have a couple of weeks back and she seemed keen … turns out her husband doesn’t want it or anything from here but she forgot to tell me that so it has just been sitting here taking up room in my hallway.

I’m getting shot of Mags PC tomorrow too by dropping it off at Robin’s, she had a right cheek even asking me to look at it. I am all for helping out mates but I don’t owe her anything.

I had to giggle the other day when reading through Robin’s will … I am the chief beneficiary which as far as I can see means I actually don’t get anything. I say that because as far as I can read I can’t touch anything until such time as the estate debts and funeral expenses are taken care of and it doesn’t take a mathematical genius to work out that will probably leave nothing at all except a houseful of stuff to clear over to the charity shop because there is nothing I can do with it and it has no value. I don’t mind but just thought it was funny.

For the record, right now … by which I mean the past few days, I have been really shaky, depressed and near tears most of the time. I can still laugh but it’s short lived. Trying to adjust to a new reality is never easy but I guess it’s all part of life. You may well note this blog has a new title and how true it is.

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