It is strange how things work out, how one things leads to another and before we know it, we have a missing person report, people doing a search of the town, anxiety, panic and general confusion all whilst I was sitting oblivious.

I made a mistake, I had this week arranged two training courses, the first was today and the other was a two day course starting (I thought) on Wednesday.

Last week I mentioned to James where the course would be today, it was really only in St James around 1 1/2 miles from here.

Thing is, the two day course actually started today and so they called home to ask where I was because they were expecting me. This set Deej off into a panic because clearly I never arrived where I was meant to this morning. People were called, Matt and Anne were brought around here, Daisy was dragged out of school and peeps were looking for me. My phone was getting 57 missed called and half a dozen voicemail messages and a few texts. This whilst I was busy on my course with the phone on silent.

James went to where the course was, maybe with Matt, I am not entirely sure. They could not see the car in the car park so ‘obviously’ I wasn’t there … the car had to be parked two streets away as there was no room. They didn’t think to go inside and ask.

The police were called and concerned asked at 15:45 what time I was due home and were told 16:00!

The hospital were called (twice) as clearly by now I must be dead and, indeed, a Steve Williams had been checked in today to the emergency department and off they went to check on the details … turned out he was 50+ and from Gloucester.

It was some time after 4pm I discovered the story of my demise. Indeed, such a shock was it to me I felt really guilty for not so much as having a broken limb, maybe even a nasty scratch would have been better but just having a cold hardly seemed to qualify all the attention my disappearance had created.

Still, it is good to know how keenly my family readjust to changing situations an upon my arrival no one made me a tea, I guess they figured that if I was not going to die when I was supposed to then I forfeit my right to a drink. In all the commotion of the day, no one had given any consideration to dinner either so I had to drive to the chip shop to provide food for everyone. Just before that my aching corpse had to attempt a resolution in a dispute between Zoey and James whereby Zoey had denied a bad wrong doing which she later confessed to. Then Andy turned up so I entertained him until I drove home Matt and Anne. Then I was back to entertaining Andy again and, in the meantime, trying to sort out James PC. Just half an hour ago I drove Andy home but, before that I had to get James out of Daisy’s room because he’d fallen asleep in there. I also had to make his bed for him. I have been doing the dishwasher, backed up the PC’s and cleared up some rubbish after some lazy sods.

Now that Tuesday is gone and I am into Wednesday, I have to admit to being somewhat shattered. But, finally, I have some time to myself … probably (but don’t count on it)

Oh, for the record, rumours of my death had been greatly exaggerated.