Month: December 2012

I’m gonna be honest, I am not coping well, I have not been coping well for quite some time. Right now my life, and I mean no disrespect to those I love but, my life feels horrible. I feel like, and it’s probably just because of how I am feeling, that, most of my friends just don’t want to know. I want to be able to do ordinary stuff, just going out to chill, drink, dance or whatever yet, in a way, I feel almost as though I am being looked after.

It’s really hard reading about one friend after another who goes out with ‘their’ mates having a great time doing this or that and yet, I don’t get an invite, I am not on the ‘A’ list or I am too old or too depressed or too whatever. I am trying to get older friends but they either don’t have time or don’t want to go out anywhere which leaves me with family and, obviously I love my family but, it’s not the same as being with non family friends.

I am just about remembering what going out and actually having fun is, it’s really been that long ago. Maybe it is time for me to just be old, sit in doors slowly rotting away waiting to fall apart. I’ll be 50 next year, I could potentially have another 40+ years of this, I don’t think so.

No idea what to do, I am on some dating sites, no one even looks at the profile apparently, it’s a good one, I can’t think of any way to make it better except lie. I really truly have no idea what to do, am feeling empty, one day to the next for everyone else. Am almost at the point now where I don’t want to do anything for me because then I can’t feel let down, disappointed or worse.

Sorry, this is just how I feel. In many ways I am incredibly lucky. This could all be in my head but, it feels real. A big empty bed, all to myself sums it up

I’m gonna be honest, I am not coping well, I have not been coping well for quite some time. Right now my life, and I mean no disrespect to those I love but, my life feels horrible. I feel like, and it’s probably just because of how I am feeling, that, most of my friends just don’t want to know. I want to be able to do ordinary stuff, just going out to chill, drink, dance or whatever yet, in a way, I feel almost as though I am being looked after.

It’s really hard reading about one friend after another who goes out with ‘their’ mates having a great time doing this or that and yet, I don’t get an invite, I am not on the ‘A’ list or I am too old or too depressed or too whatever. I am trying to get older friends but they either don’t have time or don’t want to go out anywhere which leaves me with family and, obviously I love my family but, it’s not the same as being with non family friends.

I am just about remembering what going out and actually having fun is, it’s really been that long ago. Maybe it is time for me to just be old, sit in doors slowly rotting away waiting to fall apart. I’ll be 50 next year, I could potentially have another 40+ years of this, I don’t think so.

No idea what to do, I am on some dating sites, no one even looks at the profile apparently, it’s a good one, I can’t think of any way to make it better except lie. I really truly have no idea what to do, am feeling empty, one day to the next for everyone else. Am almost at the point now where I don’t want to do anything for me because then I can’t feel let down, disappointed or worse.

Sorry, this is just how I feel. In many ways I am incredibly lucky. This could all be in my head but, it feels real. A big empty bed, all to myself sums it up

My last update was way back on October 17th, that’s like, ages ago!

Since then I have finalised the issue with Northamptonshire Carers. I don’t think they care what they do but, that’s up to them, I am happy that my experience with them is now over and, whilst I regret wasting 3 years of my life volunteering for them, I do appreciate that there are some very genuine, decent and caring people who work there who do benefit other carers.

That’s the last word on that lot.

These are the photography exhibits since the last update

 

So, a fair selection of picture taking. Only one of those sessions where I felt a little used and abused but, that’s the rough with the smooth!

Robin has been getting his heart sorted which, after his stents, should now be OK for some time so, that’s good news.

I had a lovely weekend away with Don down in Brighton and didn’t take any pictures, how bad am I!

Finally had the surgery on my eye so that’s all sorted now. I have ordered my new glasses and am going to be trying out some contacts too, hopefully I can start wearing them again. That will enable me to do some of the things I’ve not been doing for a while such as swimming.

Last week I started the ball rolling for the divorce between me and Deej, feel sort of numb about that but, don’t have a lot of choice is the reality.

Christmas Decorations went up December 1st!

This week I plan to at least book my hair to be done but also to have a relaxing reiki session with Sue then head off to Kent with Adam & Zoey for a relaxing couple of days.

My last update was way back on October 17th, that’s like, ages ago!

Since then I have finalised the issue with Northamptonshire Carers. I don’t think they care what they do but, that’s up to them, I am happy that my experience with them is now over and, whilst I regret wasting 3 years of my life volunteering for them, I do appreciate that there are some very genuine, decent and caring people who work there who do benefit other carers.

That’s the last word on that lot.

These are the photography exhibits since the last update

 

So, a fair selection of picture taking. Only one of those sessions where I felt a little used and abused but, that’s the rough with the smooth!

Robin has been getting his heart sorted which, after his stents, should now be OK for some time so, that’s good news.

I had a lovely weekend away with Don down in Brighton and didn’t take any pictures, how bad am I!

Finally had the surgery on my eye so that’s all sorted now. I have ordered my new glasses and am going to be trying out some contacts too, hopefully I can start wearing them again. That will enable me to do some of the things I’ve not been doing for a while such as swimming.

Last week I started the ball rolling for the divorce between me and Deej, feel sort of numb about that but, don’t have a lot of choice is the reality.

Christmas Decorations went up December 1st!

This week I plan to at least book my hair to be done but also to have a relaxing reiki session with Sue then head off to Kent with Adam & Zoey for a relaxing couple of days.