Month: October 2015

For me, immigration is not the issue top of my agenda other than how difficult it has become to genuinely get the person you love into this country. I guess that’s the opposite of what the Tories are about though.

If the people of this country have any issue with immigration at all it has nothing to do with the individuals settling here from other countries or even coming here to work, send money home and then eventually return to their European nation.

No, what people get really angry about is foreign nationals doing what the British did to other countries for years. They come here, they can’t be bothered to use our language, have no interest in our laws and customs, challenge our values and faith and rather than do what their country of origin would do and give them an official slap, we try and change the our country to accommodate them.

Being in the UK is a privilege, no one should have the right to come here and complain about how we do things any more than idiotic Britain’s have the right to go to places like Saudi Arabia, ignore their laws and think they are hard done by when they get punished in accordance with their laws.

This is our concern with immigration, terribly sorry if that doesn’t agree with the current Government policy of blame ’em all for everything … what’s the matter, are there not enough people left claiming benefits to blame now for policy decisions?

Yesterday was difficult for me. It was mum’s birthday, she’s have been 82 but she died 29 years ago at 52, that’s younger than I am now and shows, we never do know how long we have with someone.

When someone dies we never really do get over it, we just learn to live with our new reality. We often ask ourselves what life would have been like if they were still here. I know for me, with mum, I felt she never really met me. Not the real me that I am today. She only knew this scared screwed up version of me, the one who only ever did what he thought he was meant to do and had no idea I could do what I wanted to do. Her reaction might have been totally negative but, I’d have liked to know.

Not many people who know me now knew mum and they may think to themselves, it’s 29 years, get over it. But, mum didn’t know my children or my grandchildren either. All the pleasures I have enjoyed she missed out on. She knew Jermaine was on his way but that’s as close as she got.

On another note, earlier on today I was chatting to Dennis, like I do, on Skype, he was tired and when I came back from getting a coffee he was asleep on the screen. It was like heaven just sitting here watching him sleeping, when he woke up he smiled and, well, it was one of ‘those’ moments that I wanted to last forever.

I am really nervous about the future, there are going to be so many changes and, easier as it is to just ride with it I want to take control of this, if I can. I need to live my life the right way, for me. For the family too but being honest about what I need, how I am going to move forward.

Prayers are said regularly, it helps me. Is it stuff just working out or am I getting some help? I don’t know, no one does but, it’s a nice thought that there might be some intervention going on.

I am quite convinced now that we’ve turned the corner with Zoey. I am going on my gut here but I feel she’s not going to revert back to how she was once she’s home.

Speaking of home, I don’t think it will be long. I shall know more tomorrow possibly but all of us now feel that keeping her there does more harm than good. It’s also apparent that some of the patients there are not the sort of people Zoey should be mixing with at all.

We were sat in a meeting earlier when this very well dressed lady came in the room and sat down. Long story short, turns out she’s a patient. She was adamant she was not leaving. We eventually had to leave the room ourselves whilst the heavy mob dealt with her kicking and screaming. It was quite scary and intimidating how cold this woman was. She looked like someone who would think nothing of shooting everyone in the room given the chance.

Anyway, we need to wait see what is going to happen but I feel optimism is appropriate.

Don’t get carried away, I also think I’ve got an uphill struggle getting the sort of package in place from Social Services that Zoey is going to need. It’s a long road yet but, hopefully, by just the other side of Christmas we might have it all in place.

It seems fairly obvious to me after visiting this morning that Zoey doesn’t want to be told what to do. She’s an adult and, let’s face it, who really wants to be told what to do all the time?

A LD nurse was trying to get her to use a speaking mat to communicate. She is missing the point, it’s not just that Zoey doesn’t want to talk it is that she doesn’t want to interact at all. So, it’s not that she doesn’t have the ability to communicate, she doesn’t have the desire to.

I am not at all sure she will talk when she comes home either, whenever that might be.

The worrying thing is, the Zoey which is emerging may not be one who would fit in with a family environment any longer. In a place of her own, if she chooses not to do things like washing or communicating at all then it isn’t an issue, she doesn’t have to much like where Jermaine is. There is no point pushing him to achieve anything as it isn’t going to happen. Zoey is now like that. To get her to do the basic is still taking a fair amount of effort I think. More than one person is insisting that she get on and do things like getting washed so it is happening. I don’t think it’s overly successful despite what they tell me as her hair hasn’t looked cleaned and brushed in days. To put that level of care into the home situation is going to be costly and very intrusive for the rest of us as they effectively turn the house into a care home.

I want Zoey to come home, she’s still one of my girls and I need to be there for her, on a practical financial level, I need her to come home but, right now I can’t imagine how it is going to work.

This morning, thought I got loads of smiles, she made it quite clear where the boundaries are. Anyone trying to get her to do something she didn’t want to do got an evil glare. She stormed out at one point only return a moment later realising that everything she wanted to do was still in the room she left. I did feel, personally, like I was somewhat not needed so left. I was hoping there might be a reaction to my leaving but apart from a glare which I couldn’t translate, there was nothing