That’s not a word but, it’ll do!

It’s how I feel at the moment. I am trying to be positive, think things up but I don’t much like waiting on distant, often anonymous people to make important decisions or to do important work.

The worry of having chosen the wrong solicitors is getting to me. I am having to point out such basic errors I wonder how many I might have missed which could come back to bite me at some point in the future. At the moment I am awaiting a new contract as they screwed up what they sent me, had I signed it then it wouldn’t have been legal.

We’ve got the visa decision too, they could reject it just for the hell of it and I have no clue on what grounds to challenge it because I know it was OK, everything we needed was there. A rejection will just be them making the decision we’re not in a valid relationship in their opinion so, all I can fight with is that we are, in our opinion. They’ve got plenty of witness statements to support the case that we’re in a relationship and yet … I can’t think of many times when something just went right first time, it’s always a fight and I am tired of fights. Loads of other people never have to fight for anything, I want a bit of that!

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not all doom and gloom, I have a lot of optimism in me still. I’ve zero tolerance for those who want get off their backside but a lot of positive energy that this is a turning point in my life for the good. I get all gooey and excited just thinking about Dennis actually being here. I hype myself up so much I then go worrying that I won’t be enough to entertain him, that’s silly, I know it, but I want him to be happy so much.

One of the major issues with life being such a struggle previously is it leaves me with the feeling that ‘I am not worthy’. Like, if it starts going right then someone will come along to screw it up, throw a money wrench into the works. It’s near impossible to believe that this might actually be the time when people allow me to be happy

Autumn is a strange time of year, it is both beautiful and depressing at the same time. It looks great but the next stage, sure as anything, is for cool, wet days with little light for several months, It should be pointed out that it’s been months since I had a huge Disney fix! A person needs these things you know!

Well, it’s late, a busy day tomorrow (today) as it’s Danny’s birthday. This evening I have the house to myself with no plans

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