‘Safe’ sex and HIV


Is it safe to have sex with someone who is HIV+? It can be, it is certainly totally OK to have a relationship with them and love them totally.



It has to be remembered that everyone who is HIV+ got that way because they didn’t take precautions. Sure, some just didn’t care, they fucked whoever they wanted to hell with the consequences, that’s a reality, both men and women.

I’ve never told anyone this before but, the very first time a guy fucked me (when I was drunk and sleeping), he didn’t use anything. He didn’t know his status, he didn’t care what his status was. By the time I was aware what was happening it was too late. Truth is, I was raped yet I did nothing about it because he was my friend, I trusted him and I was stupidly naive. I did get myself tested and I was OK but, he didn’t know that, he didn’t care. I could easily have been HIV+ myself now because I trusted someone.

I was later in another relationship, it was an open relationship but we had rules, no sex which involved anything which had risk. That time I got an STD from my partner, he trusted someone, I trusted him, I don’t blame him for it, he made a mistake, he learned something.

In a committed relationship I had unprotected sex again, quite a while into the relationship he admitted to me he’d not been tested, he’d never mentioned it before, I assumed this was the case. I knew my status, I knew I was clear. Again, he learnt a lesson and so did I, don’t blindly trust!

Had I become HIV+ I may well have been rejected by people, blamed for my condition but, it isn’t fair to do that. Women have become HIV+ because they trusted a man. Men have become HIV+ because they trusted a woman.
I am glad this man was caught and sentenced. To knowingly infect someone is just sick. To allow someone to get infected because you personally don’t mind either way is sick.

I support my friends who are HIV+, so few deserve the illness. Still years later so little is known about it despite all the campaigns people still are either paranoid thinking they’ll get it from sharing a toilet to those who feel it’s impossible for them to get it because they only do ‘safe’ sex.
Fortunately, being HIV+ is not the death sentence it was, men and women fortunate enough to get treatment are living good long lives. They are just as much deserving of love as anyone else.

Was I a saint? Am I claiming that I have always been a victim, never taken a risk? It looks like it for sure but, being brutally honest, I think I took stupid risks too, we must all take responsibility for our own actions. Sure, being raped was not my fault but I made other choices which could have put me at risk. I am proud to say to the best of my knowledge through regular testing I never put anyone else at risk, not that I could really justify the tests but I preferred to be 100% certain.

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